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Crusader_8
02-02-2011, 11:09 PM
Let's see if this picks up steam...

If you have a bad joke that no one else wants (which happens often), deposit it in this thread and give that joke a good home.

FIRST MAJOR RULE: DON'T POST A JOKE THAT'S ALREADY POSTED. I cannot emphasize this enough!

Our first joke:
Eager to discuss politics, a friend once asked Miyamoto whether he was left wing or right wing. Miyamoto laughed, replying, "actually, I'm a member of the Mario Party."

Cadmium Polyphony
02-02-2011, 11:12 PM
A guy walks into a bar and chats it up with a woman. The woman, rejecting his advances retorts to him "I'm sorry, I'm celibate."

The man continues flirting, and the woman repeats in a louder tone, "Didn't you hear? I'm celibate!"

The man replies, "Lady, whether you sell a bit, or sell a lot, just tell me how much it costs."

doxiequeen1
02-02-2011, 11:20 PM
This thread is a bad joke.


doucwatididthere?


I just had to say that before someone else did XD *goes to lurk in corner*

Shuko
02-02-2011, 11:33 PM
I've got one. It's my grandma's favorite... >_> I made it up for her when I was in Jr. High (as a joke... oh snap! Joke recursion!), and she's used it as her trademark joke ever since. *facepalm*

Person 1: Wanna hear a dirty joke?
Person 2: Okay. Let's hear it.
Person 1: Three pigs are sitting in some mud. One of them says something funny, and they laugh.
Person 2: ...

Oh, it's so bad... It hurts my sense of humor to share it, too. It actually physically hurts it. Maybe I should go heal it with some Ouran. :x

UsakoLuna
02-02-2011, 11:38 PM
Person telling "joke": "Did you hear about that actress who got stabbed? I can never remember her name. It's Reese something or other... She was in "Legally Blonde"..."
Person being subjected to "joke": "Witherspoon?"
Person telling "joke": No, she was stabbed with a knife!

I appologize

Shuko
02-02-2011, 11:40 PM
Person telling "joke": "Did you hear about that actress who got stabbed? I can never remember her name. It's Reese something or other... She was in "Legally Blonde"..."
Person being subjected to "joke": "Witherspoon?"
Person telling "joke": No, she was stabbed with a knife!

I appologize
Oh dear... I actually laughed...

Does that mean my sense of humor is borked? D:

nannyogg
02-02-2011, 11:43 PM
My favorite bad joke is this one:

One day, a man was walking down the street in the big city, followed by a line of several little penguins! People were staring, drivers were craning their necks to see, and cars were crashing left and right as people stared at the man and the penguins, nonchalantly strolling along the sidewalk.
Finally, a police officer arrived on the scene and boomed at the man, "Sir! I must have you take those penguins to the zoo!!"
The man blinked apologetically, and said, "Of course officer! To the zoo!" And he and the penguins walked off toward the zoo.
The next day... the officer arrives to the same scene... man and penguins strolling down the sidewalk, passersby gawking, traffic in a snarl... except, each one of the penguins are wearing little sunglasses and carrying little towels.
The officer booms, "Sir! I told you to take those penguins to the zoo!"
The man smiles wide and says, "Of course, officer! And they had such a great time, that today I am taking them to the pool!"

smilestyle
02-02-2011, 11:48 PM
Ooh, my favorite:

"Researchers say they've discovered a volcano that could destroy Italy as soon as today. The volcano says 'No, I lava this country!'"

Everyone groans whenever I tell it. ;)

UC77
02-02-2011, 11:54 PM
I made this up when I was reading Julius Caesar:

What happened when Caesar was stabbed by the Senate?
They gave him the floor. *wink*

Crusader_8
02-02-2011, 11:55 PM
Truth be told, bad jokes are good BECAUSE they're bad. The joke I started the thread with came to me when I was looking at all the mario games at my gamestop. I immediately told it to my coworker, who exclaimed, "I hate you because I can't un-hear that!"

Here's an older joke of mine:
QUESTION: what's the fruitiest country in the world?
ANSWER:
the banana republic!

ShinobiXikyu
02-02-2011, 11:56 PM
Here's mine;
If lettuce and a carrot ran a race, who would win?
The lettuce, because it's a head. XD

C. Marie
02-03-2011, 12:31 AM
There's always the old standby.

A man walks into a bar...

...ouch.

nannyogg
02-03-2011, 12:32 AM
There's always the old standby.

A man walks into a bar...

...ouch.

Oh, that reminds me of this one...

"A dyslexic man walks into a bra..."

HomeDepot
02-03-2011, 12:35 AM
The setting: my boyfriend and I looking at an advertisement for "Gnomeo and Juliet".

Boyfriend: Let's not go see that
Me: Hey, I bet they're gonna have a TURF war!
Boyfriend:...

UsakoLuna
02-03-2011, 12:37 AM
Did you hear about the paranoid dyslexic? He thought he was following someone.

I don't have OCD, I have CDO. It's the same as OCD but the letters are in order LIKE THEY SHOULD BE

Did you know Helen Keller had a dollhouse in her backyard? No? well neither did she!

(my friends have terrible senses of humor, terrible)

DarkFujin
02-03-2011, 12:59 AM
I don't have OCD, I have CDO. It's the same as OCD but the letters are in order LIKE THEY SHOULD BE

Oh god, I hate you for this. Now that you've pointed out that the letters in "OCD" aren't in order, it's going to bug me forever. Thanks. D:

This is the one my teacher ALWAYS says:
"Did you hear about Willie Nelson? He died this past week, got hit by a car. He was playing On the Road Again"

Volnixshin
02-03-2011, 01:26 AM
A baby seal walks into a club

the end

FinalEVA
02-03-2011, 01:36 AM
What did the fish say when he hit the wall?

"Dam!"

kittymutt
02-03-2011, 01:42 AM
Why didn't the Pasta want to get in the bowl?

Because it was Alfredo!

EDIT: How could I forget this one:

What fruit is never alone?

A Pear

Crusader_8
02-03-2011, 01:53 AM
I'm happy to see the thread thrives thus far. I love bad jokes.

Lady Customer: My 360 gave me a red ring last night after dinner!
Me: Congratulations! When will you be married?

bu-dum tish

Cadmium Polyphony
02-03-2011, 02:08 AM
What's this? A bad joke thread on a cosplay site?

The HELL you say???

Eurobeat King
02-03-2011, 02:10 AM
Why can't Male-Gypsies have babies?

Because they have Crystal Balls :D

saimon
02-03-2011, 02:17 AM
Q: How do you piss off Lady GaGa?
A: You Poker Face.

Kekekekeke

~H~
02-03-2011, 02:36 AM
Why don't seagulls fly over the bay?

...because then they'd be bagels. >_<

DiscoVader
02-03-2011, 04:13 AM
What's the sound of a drumset falling?

BA DUM PISH

Cadmium Polyphony
02-03-2011, 04:16 AM
What's the difference between a rimshot and a rimjob?

Rimshots require polished cymbals; rimjobs require rusty trombones.

The Hag
02-03-2011, 06:09 AM
Why are all the mice in Stop & Shop pregnant?
Because they couldn't find a Safeway


Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic with insomnia?
He was awake all night wondering if there is a Dog.

I could do this all day.

Shifty Llama
02-03-2011, 06:39 AM
Q:How many kids with ADHD does it take to change a lightbulb..?

A:Let's go ride BIKES!

So a girrafe walks into a bar and says, "Highballs on me!"

The Hag
02-03-2011, 07:38 AM
Q. How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A. Fish.

pltshp
02-03-2011, 07:48 AM
A man walks into a bar.

"Ouch."

talkenia
02-03-2011, 08:32 AM
Q. which letter is drinkable..
A. the T

<is it sad i had to laugh at most of these? >

Volnixshin
02-03-2011, 09:47 AM
"Didn't you hear?"

"Hear what?

"Watchmen is the greatest movie to come out this year."

Ba dum tish

Tamouri
02-03-2011, 10:16 AM
How do you know when it's been raining cats and dogs?

You step in a poodle! xD

Badum PISH!

Lithium Flower
02-03-2011, 10:31 AM
It's not really a joke, but I love this so much;

http://chzmemebase.files.wordpress.com/2010/12/memes-you-got-b-on-bloodtest-you-better-get-a-next-time.jpg

Crusader_8
02-03-2011, 11:24 AM
I meant to say this in original post but I'll edit this addendum in asasp:
Before posting a bad joke, do your best to make sure it hasn't already been told on here.
Thanks a banana-bunch in advance.

Clyde_2.0
02-03-2011, 12:55 PM
Is it sad that this one gets my Mum every time?...

So there were these two muffins sitting in an oven, baking, as muffins do.
One muffin turns to the other and says, "Hey, it's getting kinda hot in here."
The second muffin turns to the first one and goes...
"A TALKING MUFFIN!!!!!" :mfg:

Kesra
02-03-2011, 01:14 PM
What is the last thing to go through a bug's mind when it hits a windshield?

His butt.

Axelai
02-03-2011, 01:23 PM
How many existentialists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to change the lightbulb, and one to observe how it symbolizes an incandescent beacon of subjectivity in a netherworld of cosmic nothingness.

(Plus points to whoever gets the reference)

Crusader_8
02-03-2011, 01:33 PM
I don't get the reference, I just assumed it pokes fun on the modern obsession with finding a symbol or metaphor in everything.

Axelai
02-03-2011, 01:47 PM
I don't get the reference, I just assumed it pokes fun on the modern obsession with finding a symbol or metaphor in everything.

Not... quite.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sBhVpdnCAWA

UsakoLuna
02-03-2011, 03:19 PM
@axelai. That can't be a bad joke, Reid is awesome therefore all his jokes are funny! :)

penny_dreadful
02-03-2011, 03:55 PM
My all-time favorite joke is Interrupting Cow:

Knock-knock.
Who's there?
Interrupting Cow.
Interrupting Cow wh--
MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

It's so juvenile!

I also love Shaggy Dog-style jokes. I don't know if this counts as a real Shaggy Dog, but it's a good'un:

It's 2am, and a man stumbles out of a local bar, massively drunk. I mean, really drunk. People are wondering how he's still standing kind of drunk. But at least he's not driving, right, so no one comments as he exits into the cold, dark night. As he's weaving his way unsteadily along the almost-deserted street, reeking of booze, Sister Margaret Clara of the Immaculate Heart crosses the street into the path of the drunk man. Why a nun is walking alone in this part of town at 2am, I don't know, but let's assume she's been ministering to the poor and sickly. Sister Margaret Clara of the Immaculate Heart is truly a saintly soul. As he's approached by Sister Margaret Clara of the Immaculate Heart, the drunk man staggers to a halt and stares at her blearily. She gives him a courteous nod as she walks by, and the drunken man, out of nowhere, punches Sister Margaret Clara of the Immaculate Heart hard, right in her mouth. She cries out and falls onto the pavement, cowering and holding her hands to her bleeding lip. Too stunned to speak, Sister Margaret Clara of the Immaculate Heart can only curl into a ball and pray silently to God, Jesus, and the Blessed Mother as the drunken man continues his assault, kicking and punching as hard as he can. He's a big man, and he's pretty strong, despite his advanced inebriation. Ribs crack, bruises blossom, blood drips onto the sidewalk. Eventually Sister Margaret Clara of the Immaculate Heart passes out and the man finally relents, stumbling backwards a few steps and breathing hard. He glares down triumphantly at the pathetic, battered form of the saintly Sister Margaret Clara of the Immaculate Heart, spits on her once, and says,
"Not so tough now, are you, Batman?"

Viveeh
02-03-2011, 04:36 PM
ProudAsian.

penny_dreadful
02-03-2011, 05:09 PM
ProudAsian.

http://static.bf2s.com/files/user/51167/Clap.gif

Yukikittie
02-03-2011, 05:13 PM
Oh my god, my Grandpa's favorite joke was;
A man and a duck walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them and says, "What is this, some kid of joke?"
xDD Made me laugh every time. <3

korokuXneo
02-03-2011, 07:24 PM
"A dyslexic man walks into a bra..."

This made me smile. I'm going to be a butt now and tell my dyslexic friend about this one... :P

sam vimes
02-03-2011, 07:38 PM
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Cause if they flew over the bay they'd be bagels.

penny_dreadful
02-03-2011, 07:44 PM
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Cause if they flew over the bay they'd be bagels.

Why don't seagulls fly over the bay?

...because then they'd be bagels. >_<

Two pages back, baby!

smilestyle
02-03-2011, 08:30 PM
I was driving down the road the other day and I saw a scarecrow.
I said "hey, man!"

smilestyle
02-03-2011, 08:32 PM
How many existentialists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to change the lightbulb, and one to observe how it symbolizes an incandescent beacon of subjectivity in a netherworld of cosmic nothingness.

(Plus points to whoever gets the reference)

You, ma'am, are a winner! ;)

HomeDepot
02-03-2011, 08:50 PM
How many Super Saiyans does it take to screw in a light bulb?




Only one, but it will take five episodes. bwa ha ha!

(if you said "Over 9000!" you also get credit)

BsWN
02-03-2011, 08:52 PM
I don't know if it's bad so much as dirty >.< Anyway, it goes like this,

A boy walks into his classroom without a shirt on. His teacher asks "Why are you late?" He replies, "I was on top of blueberry hill."

The next day another boy walks in without his pants on. His teacher asks "Why are you late?" he replies, "I was on top of blueberry hill."

Later a new girl walks in and the teacher asks "What's your name?" she replies, "My name is Blueberry Hill."

The Hag
02-03-2011, 09:29 PM
Why did the man go to sleep underneath his car?

He wanted to wake up oily in the morning.

Cadmium Polyphony
02-03-2011, 11:35 PM
Why did the man go to sleep underneath his car?

He wanted to wake up oily in the morning.

:D

Well done.

UC77
02-03-2011, 11:50 PM
How many fishes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None. Fish can't breathe out of water. Now go back to bed Little Jimmy.

Clyde_2.0
02-04-2011, 12:01 AM
What do you call a bee who is having a bad hair day?

A Frisbee.

BlackRose72311
02-04-2011, 12:06 AM
How do you wake up Lady Gaga?
You poker face :P

I miss my math class from last year cuz we had a stupid joke of the day each block

Cadmium Polyphony
02-04-2011, 12:55 AM
Q: How do you piss off Lady GaGa?
A: You Poker Face.

Kekekekeke



How do you wake up Lady Gaga?
You poker face :P

I miss my math class from last year cuz we had a stupid joke of the day each block

This thread is starting to get redundant...

Crusader_8
02-04-2011, 01:33 AM
first post is edited. how do i change thread title? I want to add to it, "read rules before posting" or something.

Cadmium Polyphony
02-04-2011, 01:44 AM
Once this thread gets to 16 pages, it will be kinda taxing for newcomers to have to read through all the old jokes just to make sure not to repeat a joke, though.

illusion838
02-04-2011, 01:47 AM
Oh, that reminds me of this one...

"A dyslexic man walks into a bra..."

Remands me for the dyslexic man who went to a Toga party dressed as a goat.

-----------------------

How many PETA members does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, because they can't change a thing.

Crusader_8
02-04-2011, 02:11 AM
Once this thread gets to 16 pages, it will be kinda taxing for newcomers to have to read through all the old jokes just to make sure not to repeat a joke, though.

But these jokes are quick to read... I went over the first four pages in just a few minutes alone. Lots of 'silly question -> lmao answer' stuff.

Cadmium Polyphony
02-04-2011, 02:22 AM
But these jokes are quick to read... I went over the first four pages in just a few minutes alone. Lots of 'silly question -> lmao answer' stuff.

Very true, and good point.

Still, people get so lazy.

illusion838
02-04-2011, 03:19 AM
What do you get when you cross a giraffe with a German Shepard?

A guard dog for the 7th floor

Crusader_8
02-04-2011, 06:09 PM
I'm worried my friend refuses to eat vegetables. All the time I ask him, "Don't you carrot all about your health?!"

The Hag
02-04-2011, 06:29 PM
Science/math nerd joke:

Q: What do you get if you cross a plasmid with a mountain climber?

A: You can't cross a vector with a scalar!

Crusader_8
02-04-2011, 07:00 PM
Lol that was awesome! Here's a science one:

Q: What shape has a degree in chemistry?

A: a graduated cylinder!

The Hag
02-04-2011, 07:19 PM
XD

Two sodium atoms are walking along and one says, "Oh no! I just lost an electron!"

The other one says, "Are you sure?"

"Yeah," says the first one, "I'm positive!"

sam vimes
02-04-2011, 08:04 PM
A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for a drink?"

The bartender looks at the neutron and says, "For you, no charge."

The Hag
02-04-2011, 09:08 PM
XD I snorted.

So Werner Heisenberg gets pulled over by a cop.

Cop: Do you know how fast you were going?

Heisenberg: No, but I know where I am!

ShinobiXikyu
02-04-2011, 11:51 PM
Here's another one;
A duck walks into a drugstore and asks, "Do you have any grapes?"
The manager says "No, you want a grocery store", and the duck leaves.
The next day the duck comes in again and asks "Do you have any grapes?"
The manager again says "No, you want a grocery store" and the duck leaves.
The next day, the same duck walks in again and asks "Do you have any grapes?"
The manager this time goes "No, you want a GROCERY store, and if you come in here again asking for grapes I'll nail your feet to the floor!"
So the duck leaves, then comes back the next day. He asks "Do you have any nails?"
The manager says "No, you want a hardware store."
"Oh", says the duck. "Then do you have any grapes?"

Crusader_8
02-05-2011, 01:22 AM
I think we're losing the crowd with science jokes! Here's a punny one:

A 24 year old working at the drive through window hands the food to whom he now recognizes to be his quirky grandfather he hasn't seen in years...
"Hey, grandpa, what's up?"
"Well, gas prices!"
"Uh, what I mean to say is, how is it going?"
"What, the car? By gas of course."
" Grandpa, I haven't seen you in ages. Can't you give me at least one straight answer?"
"Ha! Now that's a gas," as he steps on the gas shortly afterward.

The young man heaved a big huff. "Hmmph... That stupid old fart!"

Here's another joke.
A young lady works at a castle popularized for supposedly being haunted. One day she's showing the castle to a group of tourists, with one guy particularly jumpy and prone to unexpected shouting. With every turn he interrupts her ghost stories with either a simple "s***!" or even shouting "god f---in' damnit!" after sudden noises during the tour.

In an attempt to work his reactions into the tour, she asks, "Sir, are you having paranormal experiences?"
"Why yes I am. The first normal experience I'm having is my tourette syndrome in full swing, and my second normal experience is someone like you embarrasing me by pointing that out in front of everyone."

The joke is, *ahem* a little high-concept.

Kikuka
02-05-2011, 01:49 AM
I know far too many bad jokes. Worst one?
"Wanna hear a deaf joke?"
*shot*

Eau de Decus
02-05-2011, 03:41 AM
Old mathematicians never die, they just go off on a tangent.

☆ Kei ☆
02-05-2011, 03:50 AM
From AP/CC Calculus. My class is so mature.

Teacher: So this will solve for any given point on a plane.
Student: What about a train?

Crusader_8
02-05-2011, 04:13 PM
Page 5 may be my favorite page of the thread, what with the joking and the science.

Axelai
02-05-2011, 04:30 PM
I read a bunch of these at a party, and they were so bad, everyone was laughing <3

Crusader_8
02-05-2011, 08:04 PM
That is because bad jokes are AWESOME. I hope mine were cool; as mine I can actually claim credit for.

This joke is for magic: the Gathering fans:

Q: what is a batlle between a jellyfish and a wizard called?
A: a Mana-war.

62 strong and counting...

nyditch
02-06-2011, 01:44 AM
Hmm, guess I aughta contribute.

A piece of string walks into a bar (we'll assume it has legs). The bartender immediately notices it and says, "Hey, you're not allowed in here. We've had nothing but trouble from strings in this bar."
Frustrated, the string stomps back outside. It yanks at it's fibers, and twists itself up, then walks back into the bar.
The bartender says, "Hey, are you a string?"
The string says, "Nope, I'm a frayed knot."


Gotta love Groucho Marx as well....

"I'm had the best night of my life, but tonight wasn't it."

(Out at a fancy dinner with a lady, he gets the bill.) "Nine dollars and fourty cents? This is an outrage! (to the lady) If I were you I wouldn't pay it." and leaves the table.

The Hag
02-06-2011, 07:00 AM
Gotta love Groucho Marx as well....


"One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas, I'll never know."

UsakoLuna
02-06-2011, 10:13 AM
Knock knock
Who's there?
Boo
Boo who?
Dont cry! It's only a joke!

penny_dreadful
02-06-2011, 11:07 AM
A duck walks into a bar. Animal Control is promptly called and the duck is released back to a nearby park.

spacingstardust
02-06-2011, 11:24 AM
knock knock
whos there?
atch
atch who?
bless you :P

girlinthestars
02-06-2011, 01:19 PM
This is from my math teacher
Question :How much does a polar bear weigh?

Answer: Enough to break the ice
haha...haha...yeah...no one laughed (Actually in class it was more sarcastic laughs)

Crusader_8
02-06-2011, 01:52 PM
This will hopefully be my only joke I heard from elsewhere:

Q: A baker weighs 190 pounds. What does a butcher weigh?

A: Meat.

nyditch
02-07-2011, 01:53 AM
Q: What did the math book say to the psychology book?

A: I've got problems.

Neko Minaue
02-07-2011, 02:14 AM
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.

-_-Ichigo
02-07-2011, 07:05 PM
My friend told this to me.

Q:Why was Tigger looking down the toilet??
A:Because he was trying to find Pooh!!

sam vimes
02-07-2011, 07:25 PM
A traveling salesman's car breaks down on a country road. His cellphone is out of juice, so the man begins to walk. After a time, he comes upon a farmhouse and knocks on the door. The farmer answers, and the salesman requests to use his phone. The farmer replies that there is no phone in the house, nor electricity, and that there is no other building within fifteen miles. The farmer does, however, offer the salesman free room and board for the night, on the condition that the man not sleep with any of his three beautiful daughters.

The night passed without incident and the salesman went on his way in the morning, because he did not find the daughters as attractive as the farmer seemed to.

UsakoLuna
02-07-2011, 09:24 PM
There once was a king who lived in two-story grass hut. Every holiday the king demanded to be given a new throne as a gift. As soon as a new throne arrived, he would store the old throne on the second level of his hut and use the new one instead. But one day the hut collapsed from the weight of all the thrones, and everyone was crushed and killed.

The moral of this story? Those who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.

LadyEvanescent
02-07-2011, 10:58 PM
The Sheriff in a small town walks out in the street and sees a blonde cowboy coming down the street with nothing on but his cowboy hat, gun, and his boots, so he arrests him for indecent exposure.

As he is locking him up, he asks, "Why in the world are you dressed like this?"

The Cowboy says: "Well it's like this Sheriff... I was in the bar down the road and this pretty little redhead asks me to go out to her motor home with her. So I did.

"We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt, so I did. Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants, so I did.

Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my shorts, so I did.

Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and says, 'Now go to town cowboy.'

And here I am."

Son of a Gun, Blonde Men do exist.

Crusader_8
02-07-2011, 10:59 PM
@sam v: OIC whut u did thar!

Kawaiichibiz
02-07-2011, 11:09 PM
Person 1: Do you know how much a polar bear weighs?
Person 2: No?
Person 1: Enough to break the Ice!
Ohh! Not only a a joke but a great ice breaker, well at least for people not afraid of using a bad joke.

Crusader_8
02-07-2011, 11:48 PM
I don't want to be harsh or anything so I apologize in advance, BUUUT... the polar bear joke was already listed.

Sorry! Don't hurt me >__<

rubyspitfire
02-08-2011, 12:42 AM
Son of a Gun, Blonde Men do exist.

i wish this had a "like" button :crylaugh:

creativecrater
02-08-2011, 12:50 AM
Thanks to LadyEvanescent, I won't feel too bad stating a blonde joke... I hope it doesn't start a snowball effect though, I just really love this one:

So this blonde girl walks into the library and asks the librarian:
"Hi, can I get a cheeseburger with fries and a small drink?"
The librarian, annoyed and not at all surprised responds:
"I'm sorry, but this is a library."
The blonde girl proceeds to turn rapid shades of red, apologizing:
"Oh! I'm so sorry!"
Then she leans forward and whispers:
"Hi, can I get a cheesebruger with fries and a small drink?"
xD

And another joke:
What did the snail tell the taxi turtle he was riding on?
"SLOW DOWN DUDE! YOU'RE GONNA CRASH!" ;)

Chaletica
02-08-2011, 04:03 AM
Son of a Gun, Blonde Men do exist.
Ahaha, I wish I could "like" this!

Bohe
02-08-2011, 04:20 AM
Okay here's one but it is more of an spoken out loud
joke to get it.

How do you spell relief?
-F-A-R-T-

~H~
02-08-2011, 04:42 AM
A woman walks into a pub and sees a really good looking guy sitting at the bar. She goes over and asks him what he is drinking. He says, "Magic Beer."

She thinks he's a bit of a nutter, so she walks around the pub. After realising that there is no one else worth talking to, she goes back to the man sitting at the bar. She says, "That isn't really Magic Beer, is it?" He says, "Yes! I'll show you..."

So, he takes a gulp of the beer, jumps out the window, flies around the building three times, and comes back into the window. She can't believe it. She says to him, "I bet you can't do that again!"

So, he takes another drink of the beer, jumps out the window, flies around the building three times, and comes back in the window. She is amazed. She says that she wants a Magic Beer. So the bloke says to the bartender, "Give her a pint of what I'm having."

She gets her pint, takes a gulp, jumps out the window, plummets 30 stories, breaks every bone in her body and dies.

The bartender looks up at the bloke and says, "Superman, you're a real a__hole when you're drunk."

Crusader_8
02-08-2011, 12:14 PM
Ahaha, I wish I could "like" this!

You CAN like it, in the same way you'd like an ice cream or a movie. You don't need a "like" button to validate your opinions.

Joke for GROWN-UPS:
(real-life story) a girl texted my friend this: "let's go over to myspace so I can twitter your yahoo until you google all over my facebook." Best use of those websites to date imo.

Eurobeat King
02-08-2011, 07:38 PM
Oh, I got one, but this is actually a GOOD joke:

Question: Why did ProudAsianKid(insert # here) cross the road?

Answer: Because.. his di-- was stuck in a chicken!! :p

penny_dreadful
02-08-2011, 07:44 PM
Oh, I got one, but this is actually a GOOD joke:

Question: Why did ProudAsianKid(insert # here) cross the road?

Answer: Because.. his dick was stuck in a chicken!! :p

http://images.memegenerator.net/File/293361/LargeThumbnail.jpg

Eurobeat King
02-08-2011, 07:45 PM
haha sorry.. was watching The Last Boyscout again recently and that joke came to mind. Plus also Meg's on the loose again, so why not? :D

sam vimes
02-08-2011, 08:11 PM
This certainly throws your modship days into perspective. ;)

Eurobeat King
02-08-2011, 08:17 PM
This certainly throws your modship days into perspective. ;)

Can you believe it's been over one year?

I am happy with the current status that I have here on c.com. If admin wants to restore me to my former mod-ness, or not, I'm cool either way. :)

penny_dreadful
02-08-2011, 08:45 PM
haha sorry.. was watching The Last Boyscout again recently and that joke came to mind. Plus also Meg's on the loose again, so why not? :D

It's cool, man. It just seems awfully unfair to that chicken, that's all.

The Hag
02-09-2011, 06:39 AM
This certainly throws your modship days into perspective. ;)

Stop making me spit coffee on my keyboard!

Trying to think of a new one, but all I'm coming up with are my most esoteric nerd jokes, so here's one from my husband, the Saint:

I made a frittata for dinner one night.

The Saint: What kind of fritatta is this?
Me: Erm, it has eggplant and zucchini, with a little parmesan cheese. Why?
The Saint: Oh, I just thought it might be a hakuna fritatta!
Me: -_-;

Crusader_8
02-10-2011, 02:30 AM
I said the following in passing while watching a match in Halo: Reach...

"So does anyone like active Camo? I've never seen anyone using it."
Sighs, groans and eye-rolling ensues.

C. Marie
02-11-2011, 12:04 AM
Why do fruits get married in church with family?

They Canteloupe.


*dodges tomatoes*

I sincerely hope that wasn't posted. If it was I'll take it down.

Crusader_8
02-11-2011, 02:18 AM
That was awesome. I'll betcha you're the type who'd appreciate knowing the tastiest day of the week too (which is sundae).

The Hag
02-11-2011, 06:48 AM
Sundaes are fine, but Thank God It's Fried-egg!

Cherazor
02-12-2011, 11:27 AM
"Did you know that every time I breathe someone dies?"
"Have you tried toothpaste?"

EgnirysFaye
02-17-2011, 03:52 PM
Goodness, I have so many bad history jokes LOL


"Knock knock"
"Who's there?"
"Euripidies"
"Euripides Who?"
"Euripides pants, so hand over some money to get them fixed!"

(Geddit? Euripides? You-rippa-deez pants?)


*Crickets*


Ok ok, how about this...


The Romans divided Gaul into three parts. Probably with a pair of Caesars!


*More Crickets*


This...?


Why didn't Socrates like the French fries? Because they were made in Ancient Grease.






*Gets shot*

LeekFish
02-17-2011, 04:03 PM
How do you get two Charizards and a Pikachu on a boat?

...You Poke 'em on. :B

I hope that wasn't said already. xD;

Chaletica
02-17-2011, 04:19 PM
Three men die and go to heaven. Unfortunately, after many, many years there's little room left in heaven, so they have decided to only let in people who suffered horrible and painful deaths. So when they arrive at the Pearly Gates, St. Peter explains the new rules to them, and asks each of them how they died.
The first man says "Well, I lived at 10th floor at a high building. Every morning, I work out. But my window broke yesterday, and the whole window has been removed while I'm waiting for a new one. Anyway, I somehow fell out the window when I got too close to it, and fell down. Luckily, i was able to grab hold of a lower window, but after some minutes some dick bursts in and starts hitting my fingers. I eventually lose the grip and fall. Luckily I survived the fall, but then he decided to throw a fridge on me!" St. Peter agrees that this must have been a horrible death, and lets him enter.
The second man says "Well, I was going to work, only to learn that we had today off when I arrived. So I went home, only to see the coat and shoes of a stranger in the entrance. I had suspected my wife of cheating on me for a while, and this just made me even more suspicious. I went up, and there I saw my wife lying in bed, and the asshole hanging out of the window in only his underwear. I got really angry and started hitting his hands, first beating them, then hitting them with various objects. Eventually he fell, but I wasn't done yet... In a blind rage, I went down to the kitchen, carried the fridge with me, and threw it out the window on him. All the stress made me have a heart attack that killed me."
St. Peter says: "Well, that must have been a horrible death too, and even though we don't really agree with your anger outburst... you may enter." He then turns to the last man, asking: "So, how about you?"
"Well," he says, "this is a bit embarassing, but... imagine you're naked and hiding inside a fridge..."
-----------
ALSO: How many forum members does it take to change a light bulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs
1 to move it to the Lighting section
2 to argue then move it to the Electricals section
7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs
5 to flame the spell checkers
3 to correct spelling/grammar flames
6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ... another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid
2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"
15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct
19 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb forum
11 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum
36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty
7 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs
4 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's
3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group
13 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too"
5 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy
4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"
13 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs"
1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again.

Dilandau213
02-19-2011, 11:22 AM
"Do you wear boxers or breefs?"
"Depends."

^_^

LadyDelaidra
02-19-2011, 01:28 PM
Why didn't the trigonometry problem get the apartment it wanted?
Because tangent wouldn't cosine!

8D

Rosemary_red
02-19-2011, 01:42 PM
So a guy with a stuffy noes is sitting in a class room with a bunch of other people leasoning to a lecture. As he is sitting there his nose gets more and more suffy until he can't take it anymore and gets up to use a tissue. He finds one and blows his nose but makes the funniest noise ever and so everyone laughs at him. He gets upset and yells" KNOCK IT OFF! IT"S SNOT FUNNY"

Buckshot Billie
02-19-2011, 04:22 PM
What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No-eye-deer.

What do you call a deer with no legs and no eyes?

STILL no-eye-deer.

Crusader_8
02-20-2011, 07:15 PM
"Why do you sing LOTR music whenever you play D&D?"

"It's a bad hobbit of mine."

rubyspitfire
02-20-2011, 08:13 PM
(found on motifake)

An Illinois man left the snowballed streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail.

Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory. Unfortunately he missed one letter and his note was passed instead to an elderly preacher's wife, whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor dead.

At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:

Dearest Wife,
Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Your loving husband.

P.S.: Sure is hot down here.

Yazoo_the_Kazoo
02-20-2011, 08:49 PM
What's brown and sticky?

A stick.

ShinobiXikyu
02-22-2011, 11:17 AM
^ LOL. XD That's a good/awful one.

When is a door not a door?
When it's ajar.

UndercoverKitty
02-22-2011, 12:10 PM
I got two.

1) What Kind of bees make Milk?
Boobies. >.<

2) What happens when you double park your frog?
You get Toad! >.<

I know they really bad.

LadyDelaidra
02-22-2011, 12:20 PM
What do you call a blind dinosaur?
A Doyouthinkhesaurus!

What do you call a blind dinosaur's dog?
A Doyouthinkhesaurus Rex!

8'D

Crusader_8
02-25-2011, 01:42 PM
Those are of course classics.

Here's a juicy one! What is the most tender of dinosaurs?
A: a steakadon.
This is, *ahem*, a dinosaur "joke".

UsakoLuna
02-25-2011, 03:11 PM
Who's the opposite of Christopher Reeve?

Christopher Walken!


(credit goes to my friends)

sam vimes
03-07-2011, 01:14 PM
How did Bob Marley prefer his doughnuts?

Wi' jam in.

Crusader_8
03-23-2011, 12:55 AM
Alright, one more joke of mine:

A friend and I were discussing disgusting possibilities with marvel characters due to some of the more obscene alternate-reality stuff they have been writing in the grittier comics. She at one point exclaimed "ugh, It'd be awful if they got Hulk and She-Hulk to do it."

I exclaimed happily, "I can see it now! She's sitting there in the living room... Hulk's had a long day of work, and comes home after hitting a few bars.

He busts in shouting, "HULK SMASHED!"

CRiMSONSiN
04-08-2011, 03:34 PM
Hehe... ok I got one.

Why did the orange stop in the middle of the road?

He ran out of juice.