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Formalhaut
02-10-2011, 01:38 AM
1. Touch a girl's face. Nine out of ten girls will like it when you hold their face when you kiss or "caress" their cheek when you kiss. Or if you want to make it funny, grab their whole head and smash your face into theirs and say some cheesy line. Either way - cradling a girl's face in your hands generally makes her feel all gooey inside, like you're afraid to break her.

2. Watch yourself in front of your friends or in front of other males. You may not realize it, but guys generally revert to butthole mode, to blend in with the other males, and then you treat us differently. It will probably not go well.

3. Learn how to make/cook a dessert. Even if it's just getting gummy worms, and some pudding, and cookie crumbles and making her a "cup of dirt" [which is yummy] it's something she doesn't have to do. It's something sweet. It's something thoughtful. It's bonus points. Now that I think about it - cup of dirt is actually perfect and really creative and will probably make her laugh.

4. Learn to do something. Learn to take a good photo or one dance or hell, learn what colors go with what colors so you can say "You look pretty today" and not be bullshitting. It's kind of like proving to her that an old dog can learn new tricks. Bonus points if you can make a deal to each learn something new.

5. Give her a sweatshirt or t shirt. Part with one of them, and just deal with it. I guarantee you, your girlfriend is going to either sleep in it or wear it. It's this thing we do.

6. If you don't want to see the chick flick, and she does, just suck it up and see it. But get something out of it - compromise. Suggest a girl's night so she can see it with her friends and you get out of it OR make a deal that if you see the chick flick, she needs to come see Death Race with you.

7. There is a difference between lingerie, and skanky whore clothes. Some girls like subtle lingerie, and other girls like crotchless edible stuff with bondage and weird instruments. Before you decide to ask your girlfriend to wear it or buy it for her - seriously, find out or ask someone. DO NOT JUST DECIDE. You will fail.

8. Pick up after yourself. Your girlfriend is not your mother, and the more of a mess you make, the less she will want to clean it up, and the less she will want to be around you because you are a slob.

9. Say excuse me when random gases escape your body. A lot of girls think it's icky. Okay, maybe I'm the only one, but I still say excuse me a lot.

10. If it is early in your relationship, be nice to old people, children, dogs, and food service staff. Boys who are rude to the listed examples generally come off as pretentious pricks to girls who don't know them well.

11. Don't start doing something, you're not willing to do for the entirety of your relationship. If you start giving us flowers, you can't just stop. If you started out telling us we were pretty, you can't just stop. However - you need to find new ways to do it, so we don't just get tired of it or expect it. Like, get us a bunch of yellow flowers because "we're your sunshine" or something. Or tell us that if you go crazy and lose your memory, you hope you can remember our face.

12. Learn how to undo a bra strap. It kills the mood when you just like... pull down or up a bra, not to mention it's painful and says you're unexperienced.

13. Don't lie.

14. Open doors every once in a while, just for surprises.

15. If we're in a bad mood, don't ask us if we're on our periods or why we're so bitchy, just ask if there's any way you can put us in a better mood.

16. Listen to us rant and rave. Just say mmm hmmm. Generally it's just to express our feelings, nothing to be fixed.

17. The amount of money you spend does not equal affection. You could buy a girl three dollar singing frog and she'll fall in love with you all over again, as long as it means something.

18. Tell us what you're thinking and feeling. Not "I'm hungry" but substance, you know "I hate it when you and Gina gang up on me." Stuff like that.

19. We remember things you don't, so don't say something you'll regret later.

20. We need our time, and you need your time, so if you're feeling suphocated, tell us. We're not freaking psychics.

21. Surprise us. Even if it's just pointing at the first star of the night or something, or picking us a stupid flower. We like surprises.

22. If we say we're fat or something stupid, the correct answer is "Whatever you want to look like, go for it. I think you're beautiful no matter what."

23. If the girl has an ex she's not letting go of, there's a reason, and don't get involved.

24. Friends first. Saves you a lot of trouble later.

25. Not all girls are the same. Sounds simple, right? Okay, that means you have to treat girls differently. Not ALL girls like hearing "God, you have a nice ass" or holding hands or sharing drinks or something.

26. If your girl is friends with her ex, it's okay. If they're best friends, it still might be okay... just find out if they plan to reconcile. If she hates him passionately and talks about it all the freaking time, she's not over it.

27. Many girls are modest. Just accept it. You may think they're the most beautiful thing you've ever seen, but a lot of girls don't know how great they are.

28. Don't talk about your sex life with all of your friends. Yeah, the best friend or close bud is expected, but the guy at Ralphs is a bit much. Blab and you're sure to end it quickly.

29. LISTEN. I'm not saying you have to be her therapist or anything, but just listen to little side comments about things she wants or wants to go do. Tuck it away, and use it later to your advantage.

30. Some girls actually eat. Some girls actually eat more than boys. Just accept it, and thank God you found a girl who isn't looking forward to diet water.

31. You don't want girls to be insecure? Then don't be insecure yourself. Just because she has a lot of guy friends, it doesn't mean she's doing something with them. FRIENDS. Accept it. Screw it up, and they'll be the ones to kick your ass - more prone to do so if you were an ass.

32. Don't expect us to do anything you wouldn't do. You want to be put before our friends for one night? Expect to return the favor.

33. As a gender, we generally know next to nothing about cars. Just accept it. Move on and find something else to tease us about. We really don't care.

FunnyValentine
02-10-2011, 02:01 AM
A guy should just be himself. Just my opinion.

Cadmium Polyphony
02-10-2011, 02:06 AM
Adhering belligerently to checklists; the first mistake people make when attempting to engage other people.

rubyspitfire
02-10-2011, 02:12 AM
1. Touch a girl's face. Nine out of ten girls will like it when you hold their face when you kiss or "caress" their cheek when you kiss. Or if you want to make it funny, grab their whole head and smash your face into theirs and say some cheesy line. Either way - cradling a girl's face in your hands generally makes her feel all gooey inside, like you're afraid to break her.

33. As a gender, we generally know next to nothing about cars. Just accept it. Move on and find something else to tease us about. We really don't care.

stereotypes are a very very bad thing to base possible relationships on :( "not all girls are the same"

Rinoa07
02-10-2011, 02:19 AM
33. As a gender, we generally know next to nothing about cars. Just accept it. Move on and find something else to tease us about. We really don't care.
I happen to like cars a great deal, and know a lot about their maintenance. And it's a rare thing when my boyfriend doesn't ask my opinion on what should be done when his car starts malfunctioning. I even showed him how to change a tire.

That being said, this is a lot of generalising. All in all, good basic guide lines, but if a guy needs to be told how to act and needs to be told how to treat a girl, then he's probably too stupid to be worth dating in the first place.

Ion
02-10-2011, 02:28 AM
.... that list...

My expectations for guys are simple and commonsense: Respect me, my family, my friends, my stuff, and respect yourself. If you do that, I can do the same for you. The rest falls into place and life is good.

As others said, there is a lot of generalizing going on, but hey, maybe it will help the hapless 14 yr old dudes working up the nerve to ask a classmate out. OP's expectations and life experiences are clearly a far cry from my own. I hate chick flicks, love cars, etc etc.

Chipface
02-10-2011, 02:34 AM
As a guy, I can say I know next to nothing about cars. I do know that I wouldn't trust myself driving one though.

Cadmium Polyphony
02-10-2011, 02:42 AM
As a guy, I can say I know next to nothing about cars. I do know that I wouldn't trust myself driving one though.

The only thing I really know about cars, aside from the fact that I really do not like them, is that they are powered via internal combustion engines.

And ICE's are horrible. Horrible, horrible, horrible.

Volnixshin
02-10-2011, 02:45 AM
22. "If we say we're fat or something stupid, the correct answer is "Whatever you want to look like, go for it. I think you're beautiful no matter what."

No, no I won't tell you. Because I'm tired of telling women they're good looking only for them to tell me I'm wrong or I don't know what I'm talking about.

If you say you're fat or ugly, I just won't fucking respond to you. I won't let you play with me. That's fucking childish.

Formalhaut
02-10-2011, 02:46 AM
.... that list...

My expectations for guys are simple and commonsense: Respect me, my family, my friends, my stuff, and respect yourself. If you do that, I can do the same for you. The rest falls into place and life is good.

As others said, there is a lot of generalizing going on, but hey, maybe it will help the hapless 14 yr old dudes working up the nerve to ask a classmate out. OP's expectations and life experiences are clearly a far cry from my own. I hate chick flicks, love cars, etc etc.


Its far from my expectations. An aquaintance of mine wrote it, and I found it highly amusing. if this is what she wants, Im not surprised shes divorced twice.

Crusader_8
02-10-2011, 03:07 AM
I am bored, so I decided to read this...

From my experience in three long-term relationships I can say this is spot-on and is best described as a comprehensive checklist. I just want to add my $0.02 on these:

11 > This is easy for a guy to read this and auto-translate it to "high-maintenance", when in reality we guys are guilty of expecting repeated kindness or behavior as well. Long story short, it's not a gender-dependent trait.

24 > I could imagine someone being tempted to cry "double standard" on this, but really a guy shouldn't have trouble finding time to chill with his friends, even in a long term relationship. Movies make it look like girls want their guy to sacrifice all their friends, but this is hardly true.

Only beef is 28: all my ex's constantly talked about our sex life openly, and my friend's girlfriend does the same. The idea of her friends having that knowledge of me or thinking they know me based on that was unnerving. Is this all girlfriends or do I just have bad luck? Either way 28 is still a good point - do NOT pull the guy maneuver by talking about your bedtime activities with fellow bros. It is totally unnecessary.

ashelia89
02-10-2011, 03:28 AM
Formalhaut,interesting expectations from your friend,I found that when you let people BE who they are and respectful and willing to communicate they're as willing to please and make you happy...I don't think a list like this could possibly be a form of respecting the other person when demands are made and end points like "just accept it" are some of the main driving points >.>

16. Listen to us rant and rave. Just say mmm hmmm. Generally it's just to express our feelings, nothing to be fixed.

^^ I like communication,having someone say hmmm mmm to my rants generally makes me feel like they're not listening,I like the other person's insight and suggestions.


19. We remember things you don't, so don't say something you'll regret later.

^^ my husband happens to remember instances even I don't remember... T__T


26. If your girl is friends with her ex, it's okay. If they're best friends, it still might be okay... just find out if they plan to reconcile. If she hates him passionately and talks about it all the freaking time, she's not over it.

^^ if your girl is friends with her ex just run the hell away and forget about it.

29. LISTEN. I'm not saying you have to be her therapist or anything, but just listen to little side comments about things she wants or wants to go do. Tuck it away, and use it later to your advantage.

Or...you could say I'd LIKE FOR US TO GO HERE AND DO THIS AND DO THAT.

6. If you don't want to see the chick flick, and she does, just suck it up and see it. But get something out of it - compromise. Suggest a girl's night so she can see it with her friends and you get out of it OR make a deal that if you see the chick flick, she needs to come see Death Race with you.

^^ It's funny I don't care about chick flicks.


14. Open doors every once in a while, just for surprises.

^^ My husband and I argue when I decide to carry a lot of heavy crap,he's got a neck injury and he doesn't want to appear "ungentlemanly" and like an asshole...I can carry heavy shit if it means he's not gonna be in misery and pain...as for doors I can open my damn doors lol,if I didn't have limbs then that would make sense.

11. Don't start doing something, you're not willing to do for the entirety of your relationship. If you start giving us flowers, you can't just stop. If you started out telling us we were pretty, you can't just stop. However - you need to find new ways to do it, so we don't just get tired of it or expect it. Like, get us a bunch of yellow flowers because "we're your sunshine" or something. Or tell us that if you go crazy and lose your memory, you hope you can remember our face.

>.> ok ,last one because the whole number of things will have me ranting at all of them,this is probably the stupidest one of them all...my husband has given me special treats from time to time and thats what makes them special...and no i don't ask for them,expecting someone to consistently give you something is like setting them up for failure if they dont T___T not only that whatever that special something is loses it's meaning with repetitiveness

*end rant:waaaah:*

rubyspitfire
02-10-2011, 03:32 AM
shes divorced twice.

yyyyyep o.O;

Crusader_8
02-10-2011, 03:54 AM
@ashelia - 11 just means stuff like "if you exhibit a predictable but beneficial behavior, the gf will expect that for the entire relationship." I see this so often it makes my head spin.

As for the "be yourself" counter-arguments in the thread, it must be clarified that being oneself should not be mistaken for inaction. I'm myself all the damn time and still sinlge for it. You have to put up some effort to single out someone and make her feel special, and this reqiures the guy to act in ways he normally wouldn't.

If anything I originally thought this list was gonna follow suit to rule 1 and be tips what a girl unrealistically expects guys with little experience to know, but like others have mentioned it's more about coping with stereotypical behavior.

Eau de Decus
02-10-2011, 04:00 AM
1. Touch a girl's face. Nine out of ten girls will like it when you hold their face when you kiss or "caress" their cheek when you kiss. Or if you want to make it funny, grab their whole head and smash your face into theirs and say some cheesy line. Either way - cradling a girl's face in your hands generally makes her feel all gooey inside, like you're afraid to break her. I don't think my girlfriend wants to think I'm going to "break her". Just a hunch, but let me ask...*asks*...she would seem to be in agreement.

2. Watch yourself in front of your friends or in front of other males. You may not realize it, but guys generally revert to butthole mode, to blend in with the other males, and then you treat us differently. It will probably not go well. Thanks for blanketing an entire gender. I don't need to change who I am in front of my friends or my girlfriend. "Butthole mode"? That is so 1990s...

3. Learn how to make/cook a dessert. Even if it's just getting gummy worms, and some pudding, and cookie crumbles and making her a "cup of dirt" [which is yummy] it's something she doesn't have to do. It's something sweet. It's something thoughtful. It's bonus points. Now that I think about it - cup of dirt is actually perfect and really creative and will probably make her laugh. Depends on the person. What if they don't like sweets? How rude.

4. Learn to do something. Learn to take a good photo or one dance or hell, learn what colors go with what colors so you can say "You look pretty today" and not be bullshitting. It's kind of like proving to her that an old dog can learn new tricks. Bonus points if you can make a deal to each learn something new. Why are you comparing men to dogs? That's a bit harsh. I don't really care for photography or dancing. Besides, she enjoys my horrendously bad dancing. Why ruin a good thing by being good. If we compliment her and you compare that to "learning something new and not bullshitting", then are you implying that our compliments are actually bullshit?

5. Give her a sweatshirt or t shirt. Part with one of them, and just deal with it. I guarantee you, your girlfriend is going to either sleep in it or wear it. It's this thing we do. She would rather have her own clothes - not mine.

6. If you don't want to see the chick flick, and she does, just suck it up and see it. But get something out of it - compromise. Suggest a girl's night so she can see it with her friends and you get out of it OR make a deal that if you see the chick flick, she needs to come see Death Race with you. She wouldn't drag me to a movie I hated, nor would I. That's cruel and kind of expensive. $10.00 to be bored for two hours? No thanks.

7. You will fail. No.

8. Pick up after yourself. Your girlfriend is not your mother, and the more of a mess you make, the less she will want to clean it up, and the less she will want to be around you because you are a slob. 'Sup 1950s? What you doing here with 2011?

9. Err.... -_-

10. If it is early in your relationship, be nice to old people, children, dogs, and food service staff. Boys who are rude to the listed examples generally come off as pretentious pricks to girls who don't know them well. I told my girlfriend I hated children with a never ending, fiery passion the day I met her (pre-dating). We're currently quite happy together and she enjoys my "pretentiousness". No foolin'!

11. Don't start doing something, you're not willing to do for the entirety of your relationship. If you start giving us flowers, you can't just stop. If you started out telling us we were pretty, you can't just stop. However - you need to find new ways to do it, so we don't just get tired of it or expect it. Like, get us a bunch of yellow flowers because "we're your sunshine" or something. Or tell us that if you go crazy and lose your memory, you hope you can remember our face. So I baked brownies for my girlfriend on our first date. Does that mean I should have been baking brownies this entire time? I better get to baking! I mean, you said to NEVER stop!

12. Learn how to undo a bra strap. It kills the mood when you just like... pull down or up a bra, not to mention it's painful and says you're unexperienced. Why are you hating on inexperienced people? How rude...

13. Don't lie. This list is an accurate list of truths and facts... Shit, I did it again...

14. Open doors every once in a while, just for surprises. It's surprising I open them, rather than run into them? Man, she thinks so little of me. :<

15. If we're in a bad mood, don't ask us if we're on our periods or why we're so bitchy, just ask if there's any way you can put us in a better mood. ... >_</// ...

16. Listen to us rant and rave. Just say mmm hmmm. Generally it's just to express our feelings, nothing to be fixed. Why would I say "mmm hmm" when I could offer actually commentary because I actually care? =o


17. The amount of money you spend does not equal affection. You could buy a girl three dollar singing frog and she'll fall in love with you all over again, as long as it means something. We have common sense in section seventeen. I repeat...*click*...Common sense in section 17.

18. Tell us what you're thinking and feeling. Not "I'm hungry" but substance, you know "I hate it when you and Gina gang up on me." Stuff like that. Screw Gina for starting unnecessary drama. She needs to stay out of our business. Oh, and hungry is a valid answer. People think about food when hungry.

19. We remember things you don't, so don't say something you'll regret later. It's not a contest. -10 points for assumptions!

20. We need our time, and you need your time, so if you're feeling suphocated, tell us. We're not freaking psychics. Neither are we.

21. Surprise us. Even if it's just pointing at the first star of the night or something, or picking us a stupid flower. We like surprises. Stars are there all the time - day and night. My girlfriend isn't a "flower person"

22. If we say we're fat or something stupid, the correct answer is "Whatever you want to look like, go for it. I think you're beautiful no matter what." It's a trap...

23. If the girl has an ex she's not letting go of, there's a reason, and don't get involved. Oh, I'm gunna...

24. Friends first. Saves you a lot of trouble later. No.

25. Not all girls are the same. Sounds simple, right? Okay, that means you have to treat girls differently. Not ALL girls like hearing "God, you have a nice ass" or holding hands or sharing drinks or something. It is simple. Not all girls are the same. Not all guys are. Not all cars are. Not all snowflakes are...etc

26. If your girl is friends with her ex, it's okay. If they're best friends, it still might be okay... just find out if they plan to reconcile. If she hates him passionately and talks about it all the freaking time, she's not over it. No wai!!!!!!!! :confused:

27. Many girls are modest. Just accept it. You may think they're the most beautiful thing you've ever seen, but a lot of girls don't know how great they are. Many? That's not sufficient evidence.

28. Don't talk about your sex life with all of your friends. Yeah, the best friend or close bud is expected, but the guy at Ralphs is a bit much. Blab and you're sure to end it quickly. Where the hell is a Ralph's?

29. LISTEN. A groundbreaking solution!

30. Some girls actually eat. I think they all do. Hmmm... *deep in thought*

31. FRIENDS. Accept it. Screw it up, and they'll be the ones to kick your ass - And then I'll be the one to have them arrested for assault. I win.

32. Don't expect us to do anything you wouldn't do. You want to be put before our friends for one night? Expect to return the favor. My girlfriend isn't a control freak like that. I'm good.

33. As a gender, we generally know next to nothing about cars. Just accept it. Move on and find something else to tease us about. We really don't care. Don't stereotype a whole gender. Didn't we go over this on question #2? I think Sam needs to get out the rolled up newspaper again.

TL;DR - Questions are ridiculous. This isn't an attack on the OP since he/she stated they were not his/her expectations. I was bored. I really should be in bed, which I will do so now. G'night one and all.

Yui
02-10-2011, 04:02 AM
Its far from my expectations. An aquaintance of mine wrote it, and I found it highly amusing. if this is what she wants, Im not surprised shes divorced twice.

Besides the potentially demeaning generalizations for both genders mentioned in this list, you really can't post someone else's words as your own without any explanation at the time of posting. (Please have your friend post directly next time.)