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Lennester
03-29-2011, 11:45 AM
I don't know what to do anymore i feel as though i hit even lower the rock bottom everyone doesn't seem to care. I don't really blame them, I tried and i tried to get my life back on track watching anime and playing video games where the only thing that made me happy but now i dont know what to do my friends i once had treat me like the pleague and im very distant with my family they think im a failure and im never going to make it anywhere i wanted to cry out for help but i doubt anyone would listen or care. The only one who did was my mom and she passed away this september. I try and try to catch up but its going no where. Because of my depression i get walked on by people and everyone sees me as a push over and i just had it. I've tried to kill myself in the past before but this time i think i'll be able to do it. Not like anybody would care i just wanted to say bye to one of the interesting forums ive ever seen cosplay was always fun.

sam vimes
03-29-2011, 12:06 PM
Before you do anything drastic, you might want to actually try to reach out and see what happens instead of just assuming nobody cares. I don't pretend to know your history, but suicide is one hell of a step to take without exploring means of alleviating your depression.

Amanita
03-29-2011, 12:06 PM
http://suicidehotlines.com/

Please give this a try- it's got suicide hotlines both national and state specific listed, and if you're not in the US, I'm sure a quick google search will turn up one in your country.
These people at the least will listen to you and not judge you. Sometimes even having somebody to talk to can be a huge help.
Please give it a try.

SkyBlueEyed
03-29-2011, 12:08 PM
And what do you think killing yourself will do? You're throwing the most precious thing you have away; life. How do you know that things will get better? Things could get worse. Seriously; don't be an idiot.

... No, I can't say I've been in your situation... And I know how annoying it can be when you talk to someone about something and they're all "Oh, I understand", and you know they don't, cause if they did, they'd be like you. I understand that much.

But honestly, don't throw your life away like that. Seriously, I don't have any friends myself cause my friends turned out they only cared about themselves; I learnt that the hard way, and what they did hurt. But I don't continue you be their friends. I'm waiting for the day where I can meet someone who is actually decent, and has a heart. You should, too.

Have you ever been to a convention? I know theres more to life than anime/cosplayingm, but if you want to do it and haven't yet, honestly, do it. Just put yourself out there. Don't go with friends, if they treat you like the plague. Take the plunge, and do something on your own.

I bet it will pay off. In fact, I'm sure it will, because I've been waiting for the day when I can do something like that and meet some decent people are start enjoying myself, too.

Just have some hope. It'll work out dude.

Angathol
03-29-2011, 01:15 PM
Please don't do it. I'm sorry to hear about your mother, but you've got a lot left to live for. When one door closes, another door opens; you will always have more opportunities to develop lasting friendships with people who will care about you.

Hang in there. Even when the world seems like it's at its darkest, there will always be light. Think about the things for which you are most grateful, and cherish them.

I know I'm speaking in cliches and flowery language here, but I really hope you can get the help you need. If you're in school, see if you can speak to a therapist, or even your family doctor. Even a walk-in clinic may be able to offer some help. Although my dark times have not been to the extent of yours, I have been to clinics myself and have gotten help from professionals and doctors alike for short-term things.

Suicidal thoughts and thoughts of worthlessness can be signs of clinical depression, but a death in the family can cause enough trauma that similar symptoms may arise. See if you can get a professional diagnosis, as cognitive therapy can help a great deal, if you can manage it.

Yukikittie
03-29-2011, 01:24 PM
I've been in a situation like yours when I hit rock bottom. I though no one cared and I almost attempted suicide. I decided that I was tired of feeling horrible all the time and I told my school's counselor, who told my parents, who got me help. Now I take medication and see a therapist every (or every other) week. While I'm not 100% better and sometimes I still can feel really shitty, I feel better than I did. And I think over time I'm going to continue to get better.
If you try to seek help, it will be better. And if you think no one cares, then you're wrong. Because someone does care about you, even if you think no ones does. I thought no one cared about my problems and after I told my school counselor I found so many people who did care, who cared a lot about me.
Have you asked your school's counselor to help you? Please don't do it.

Amanita
03-29-2011, 01:39 PM
In addition to clinical or chemical depression, there's also what's known as situational depression- where due to the situation you're in, you feel so low that it mimics clinical depression, right up to feeling suicidal.

In order to get through this, you need to figure out which kind you are dealing with, and that's something a trained councilor/therapist/mental health professional can help with.

I can't count the number of times I've felt utterly worthless and alone, how I've felt the strong pulse of blood at my own throat and utterly willed it to stop, how many times I've felt like an utter waste of oxygen, that I am never going to amount to anything, and how I should just hurry up and die.
But for all the suck, I haven't offed myself yet. And in the meantime, I've done some pretty cool things- I've walked the Brooklyn and Golden Gate Bridges, taken up leathercraft, and I'm even considering going back to school to study fashion design.

So don't off yourself. You sound like you need help, or at least somebody to talk to. Do that, however you can or must. Not to sound cliched or anything, but there's lots of cool things out there that life may still hold for you, hang in there!

Lennester
03-29-2011, 01:56 PM
i've spoken to my brother about it earlier and he recommened seeing a therapist. "he said it couldn't hurt and i agreed"...i want to thank the people who posted on this fprum i must have read everyones message at least 5 times. though i may slip and fall at times i'll try my best to hold on and move forward...

sam vimes
03-29-2011, 02:05 PM
i've spoken to my brother about it earlier and he recommened seeing a therapist. "he said it couldn't hurt and i agreed"...i want to thank the people who posted on this fprum i must have read everyones message at least 5 times. though i may slip and fall at times i'll try my best to hold on and move forward...

See, someone does care!

Post here again, please. Let us know how things are going, and join in the discussions on here while you're at it.

Lithium Flower
03-29-2011, 02:18 PM
I remember a time I felt that way.

A time when I woke up every day in physical pain, in mental anguish. I remember every word that they ever said to me, every time someone hurt me, every day my family ignored me. The feeling of being completely abandoned and left to rot. Of staying awake for days at a time, feeling that incredible emptiness that sinks into the bottom of your stomach. How nothing you do feels right anymore, as if your functioning like a marionette with the rest of the world pulling the strings.

It hurts.
It stays with you your entire life.

But one day it get's better.
And I genuinely hope that it does for you.

sam vimes
03-29-2011, 02:26 PM
I remember a time I felt that way.

A time when I woke up every day in physical pain, in mental anguish. I remember every word that they ever said to me, every time someone hurt me, every day my family ignored me. The feeling of being completely abandoned and left to rot. Of staying awake for days at a time, feeling that incredible emptiness that sinks into the bottom of your stomach. How nothing you do feels right anymore, as if your functioning like a marionette with the rest of the world pulling the strings.

It hurts.
It stays with you your entire life.

But one day it get's better.
And I genuinely hope that it does for you.

^What she said.

Hell, given the fact that this place is full of nerds, I bet well more than half of us have gone through depression at one point or another.

If the people you're around now don't seem to want anything to do with you, it's a mathematical certainty that there's some out there who will.

BraveKnight
03-29-2011, 02:36 PM
^What she said.

Hell, given the fact that this place is full of nerds, I bet well more than half of us have gone through depression at one point or another.

If the people you're around now don't seem to want anything to do with you, it's a mathematical certainty that there's some out there who will.

Yeah I have to agree Sam. I'm pretty much lone wolfing it out now, but that is no reason to throw in the towel. Look at all the people who took the time to let you know you aren't alone. That says something real profound about this community =)

Anyway sometimes you've got to find a reason to live for you and you alone. I'm not encouraging the idea of being selfish but finding something to hold on to for you and you alone can help pull you through some dark times. We all have bouts of being alone or feeling alone but if you can find that special something to hold on to be it hope or a goal or even something really silly that you just want can help you put one more foot in front of the other.

One of my favorite quotes is "Fall down seven times get up eight". Its even on my deviantart page ><

Good luck and I hope you find what you are looking for.

LunaNera
03-29-2011, 03:08 PM
I am going to add my little story in here. I am also very happy you talked to someone and are going to go see someone. You can beat depression, we all can.

When I was 16 I actually did try to kill myself, I almost succeeded too. When the paramedics arrived I had lost enough blood they could not find a pulse. Then I woke up. IV went in, rushed to the hospital, and after a couple of bags of blood I was recovering.
I don't think you understand how happy I am now that I somehow woke up with so little blood left in my body. That I did get rushed to the hospital and not thought to be dead, and actually got to keep living.
Ending it all is just a permanent solution to a temporary problem, and a very selfish one at that. I felt so immature when I had to face family and friends after, seeing how upset they were.
Just know, it does get better.

Amanita
03-29-2011, 03:11 PM
Good for you, Lennester! Sometimes when you're feeling down, having even the smallest things to hope for can be a huge help. I remember sitting at work feeling utterly hopeless last summer. Everything felt like crap- I hated my job, I wanted to tear off that uniform and run away..but where to? Nowhere TO run. I hated feeling like my life was going nowhere and was not going to amount to anything, that I was the underachieving black sheep of the family, that my sister must have gotten all the "success" genes in the family and that I was the failure.
Thank Isis my job consisted of watching over a completely empty construction site, and nobody was there to see me- it doesn't look good at all when the security guard looks like she's about to lose it or break down completely. But I still had two things to look forward to- my upcoming trip to New York City, and my hometown's first big con in over a decade. However trifling those things may seem to some, it was something to hang in there for, something to look forward to. And ultimately it helped.

fujyoshi
03-29-2011, 04:19 PM
o-o all I gotta say is been there done that

Formalhaut
03-31-2011, 03:01 AM
Depression can be crippling...I went through it too, and my friends and family threw me away. I ended up movingto a different country and starting over....and today I'm happier than I could ever be. As my dear frend once told me, before he was KIA, once yu hit bottom...the only way is up :) were here for you if you ever need us

kiratsukai
03-31-2011, 03:38 AM
Life frequently sucks, and unfortunately most of the tools we need to navigate that suckitude can only be gained by experiencing the hard times over and over and learning from our mistakes.

In the end, your life is what you make it.

Stick with it and you'll likely be surprised how you look back on this place in your life 10 years down the line. But you can only do that if you're ~here~ 10 years down the line.

Kelley
03-31-2011, 04:24 AM
There are so many ways to die without planning for it, better for me to wait for one of them to take me out - it should happen soon enough on its own.

If you have reason to believe that you are depressed, see someone. There is no right answer for everyone, but it's possible your brain chemistry is literally out of whack and that altering the chemical balance could save your life. Maybe you need something else - and a good psychologist can help you find what that is. No, not all of them have the right approach for you, and if you don't at first find that one, don't give up.

If you break your leg, you go to the emergency room - if you feel your mind is broken, do the equivalent. If you do not have health insurance or financial resources, see if a group in your area offers free or low-charge services. Many do - if you're going to school, chances are they do.

Sure, people can pull out of it on their own. It happens. But not always.



I am still depressed and I have untreated comorbidities. I choose to live because what else is there ? I don't believe in God or heaven. If they turn out to be there, how nice - but I don't expect it. I expect nothing. I don't want to settle for nothing when I can still find reasons to smile or laugh. Find those reasons for yourself. They don't have to be big important things, they can just be a cat chasing its tail or a sunrise.

My life feels aimless and terrible, yet death would only serve to rob me of my chance to change that before I finally discover cancer within me has grown or my brakes no longer work and I'm going too fast to stop.

Life is terrible. But death is a gamble, and I am too cynical to take it.

Amanita
03-31-2011, 05:08 PM
I'll offer the words of a friend of mine, who is currently studying engineering. The pain and sense of loss she felt on 9/11 was one of the things that motivated her to do this.

She said something to the effect of "Even if my own life was meaningless, I could still do something to help others."