View Full Version : read and laugh til you cry

08-21-2002, 11:18 PM
Euro Speak

Before I write this I must tell you that this story is NOT MINE. I nicked it from Giggles (a brilliant site that is now filtered) and brought it to you to enjoy, so do exactly that.

The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As a part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling has some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short).

In the first year "s" will be used instead of the soft "c". Sertainly sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also, the hard "c" will be replaced with "k". Not only will this klear up konfusion but typewriters kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced by "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20 per sent shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, whick have always ben a dterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent "e"s in the languag is disgraceful, and they would go.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" by "z" and "w" by "v".

During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords containing "ou," and similar changs vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. After zis fifz year, ve vil hav a reli sinsibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru.


08-21-2002, 11:30 PM
LMFAO! Brilliance! Sheer brilliance!

08-22-2002, 12:52 AM
LOL, ohh thats hilarious. If that ever happens I would never read again.

Yggdrasil Pie
08-22-2002, 01:05 AM
lol!!!!! I'm so konfused... @_@

08-22-2002, 01:30 AM
I gave up trying to read the last line. Some of the recommendations are not that weird b/c English words are very difficult to spell and also pronounce. Because of this, English is one of the most difficult foreign languages to learn. English is my mom's second language and she often forgets that spanish words with the letter "j" should be pronounced "h".

For example jalapeno should be pronounced halapeno. Try saying "jalapeno" out loud....yes it sounds very funny doesn't it? :)

08-22-2002, 03:55 AM
That was hilarious XD

08-22-2002, 09:09 AM
That was so funny! XD XD

08-22-2002, 10:31 AM
Is it wrong that I had not trouble reading that? As big a joke as it is, I think I could adjust to that pretty quickly.

08-22-2002, 10:43 AM
Hey heard this one a while ago!
wasn't there a final bit to this joke?
it goes something like-

...ve haf veyz of making you tok

08-22-2002, 11:44 PM
*giggles* Yeah, that is -so- great. The original author was actually Mark Twain, isn't that right? I don't remember if that's in one of my Spiffy Books or not ;_; It might have been changed slightly to fit the EU situation. But it was friggin' hilarious the first time I read it, and it's still funny now XD

So why don't they really go and do it? It makes sense!

...because human beings are weird, that is why we have so many stupid irregular verbs *bleghh*