View Full Version : The Pressure to be "Perfect"

Ragtime Mouth
08-05-2010, 01:57 AM
Eating Disorders

First off, this is NOT a thread to encourage or scare anyone.

(This is a touchy subject, I'm aware, but keeping mentally fit is just as important as keeping physically fit.)

It has already been said that you must not miss a meal, several times, in different threads, in order to lose weight. That your metabolism will slow down and make it even more difficult for you to achieve your goals.. But, that doesn't change how 1 in 200 women (and young girls) see themselves, and how they react when it comes to keeping a healthy diet. Nor is it any different for some men and boys out there.

Although I am a healthy weight for my height, I am still recovering from the strain I put on my heart and body since I was 14, and I can not lie and say I don't tend to fall back into my old ways quite easily. It wasn't until I met my fiance that I've been able to keep stable, but for years I was very much alone on this matter. I've been low, I've been depressed, I've had seizures, outbursts, anxiety, pressure, and pain, I've been to the point where I'm sitting on a bathroom floor crying, and my knuckles bleeding.. and I don't doubt some of you haven't felt the same way once before, if not (god forbid) now.

Like alot of young people, I obsess over everything about myself. If it's not some part of my body I'm unhappy with, it's my teeth, my hair, my nails, my eyes.. anything I can see I can tear apart mentally. I know when I was younger, and just really getting into cosplay, I had 0 confidence.. and it gave me more reason to obsess, it strive to have the "perfect" figure that all the girls had in so many games and animes that I watched and played, spending alot of my time doing growing up. I've accepted my bone structure, my height, and my curves more now then, then.. though I still sometimes get upset over

I'm not here to scold or give out advice unintentionally, I just want to step out to help myself recover and to let those who are on the same page as I am, let them know they're not alone. Even if they can't reply openly, or even privately, I know I would have appreciated to know I'm not alone years back. I know I wouldn't have felt so foolish and childish about my obsessions. I know it's unfortunate for some people who have no one, who can't turn to family on this issue for X reason.

Even if I am comfortable with admitting it now, enough to offer to lend an ear, it'll never change the amount of damage I did to my body then. I know I wouldn't have wanted to read the extent of my damage then, not because I didn't care.. but because I just couldn't help it. I'm no expert, heck I can't even string together proper paragraphs.

I don't want any girl or boy to have to ever suffer the same damage or much worse.

My bones are brittle, very brittle, and I have chronic back and knee pains worsened over time. I bruise faster then a banana.

I have Hypoglycemia, which is commonly associated with diabetes.
It can cause minor things such as: night sweats, cold hands and feet, confusion, shaking, tiredness, and even nightmares.

But on a more serious note; it can cause loss of vision, seizures, and loss of consciousness.
Although some of that is said to be uncommon, it does not mean it not possible. I still, from time to time, even wake up during a seizure.. for moment not even able to remember my own name.

My menstrual cycle is very irregular after having stopped it for months at a time, I never planned to have children, but if I did.. I probably wouldn't have much luck now, no matter how much I may worry about it, anyway.

I have never fully recovered the energy I once had, and after contracting mono recently (which can linger and ruin your stamina for months), it's a fight to just summon up the energy to get up in the morning.

If you've previously had an OCD or mental disorder, it will more likely make you more sensitive to it. If not, you may develop one. I had alway been aggraphobic, but with the strain I put on myself, I can't keep my moods stable. I'm bipolar, I'm a ticking time bomb, and I hate it. I can not handle my mood and my generally cynical feelings in public without a smoke or a shot every once in a while. In saying that, I don't smoke more then a pack a year, if even that, because I find it too hard to leave my house and function properly.

I've always had trouble sleeping, but nowadays it is a struggle just to put my head down. I know my insomnia had worsened. I dread every night I have to sleep, knowing I'll more then likely be awake with my eyes closed, thinking about absolutely anything and nothing.. exhausted till it's way in the middle of the night/day before I actually pass out for 6-8 hours.

I know it'll take a lot more time before I can see an improvement in my metabolism, which had been damaged to a severe standard, so I have to put twice as much effort in exercising, and eating to fit my diet and keep my blood sugar stable at the same time.

I'm not going to keep going on, or go into anymore detail on what it can do, and what it has, in reality, done to me already.
As I've said, just know you are not alone.. it's not easy for even someone who has nearly recovered to even post anything on this, and I would have never replied to anything like this post years back, not publically.

For those of your who have not suffered or suffer from this issue, I trust you not to be too quick to judge. Even after I've seen what I've done, I still do not judge, or would not preach to anyone directly. I'd only listen, because sometimes that's all someone needs, I know it would have helped me back then. I hope this doesn't get taken down, deemed inappropriate for the younger crowd, because I know that it's at a young (very young) age that these ED develop.
I apologize if this is all a bit hard to read and take in, again I'm not too good with how I phrase and write things. I do tend to ramble.. alot.
I just took the time to say what I had to say here, because I know there is pressure (not caused by others) to lose those pounds just to fit the character or "ideal" stick thin body you may want to match. Saying this anywhere else wouldn't feel as important to me.

Take care.


08-05-2010, 10:03 AM
I'm so glad someone made a thread about this, because I don't think I would have been able to.
I'm in the process of recovering from an eating disorder. It wasn't anorexia or bulimia, but an absolute obsession with what I ate. I would eat, yes, but then I would panic and break down at the thought that, Oh my god, I'm going to gain weight from that, I just know it. I'd better go work out for an hour to burn some of that off. Then I would try to find some sort of dieting secret that I hadn't been trying in order to drop a few more pounds. When that didn't work, on to something else. And on and on and on.
I didn't get my period for five months.
It eventually got to the point where I was reading the nutrition facts on a pack of crackers and my friend had to turn the box around for me. I would go into grocery stores and think, I can't have that, that has too many carbs. And that's too high in calories. Oh, and that...well, I don't know why I can't have it, but I read somewhere that something in that makes you gain weight and and and...
It was ridiculous. I felt like I was losing my mind.
It's just recently that I've let myself eat more. I'm still trying to eat healthily, but I'm not cutting out food groups as severely as I used to. I became vegan for a little while in an attempt to lose more weight, but I'm back to eating meat in moderation as well as dairy. That alone was a big step for me to make.
Thinking back on it now, I think I would have eventually developed anorexia had I not told my friends that I was struggling with eating. Now it's just a matter of becoming more comfortable with my body and healing whatever I've hurt on the inside.

08-05-2010, 10:25 AM
Obsession is a struggle to keep in perspective. no matter who your are, failure can be a frightening thing.

If you have eating problems, seek help! this board can only help you so much. From the get go you should be happy with your body, and not punish it with starvation or regurgitation or anything of that nature.

Here (http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=70778) is a great support group for people with eating disorders.

I really want to bring it home that whoever is on this board will ever be judged for their appearance thin or thick and will always be here to encourage you to rise to better healthier state of well being you can be proud of.

08-05-2010, 10:55 AM
Seeking help when you have problems is a must if your body is taking it negatively, but "seeking help" might be harder than it sounds. To add to this thread, if you know a friend that is in need of help, mentally or physically, your first reaction may be to tell them to get help, but that's not always the best idea. You should sit and talk. ask the person "Why are you doing this" or something to help them reveal what their intentions are (Though sometimes it'd be obvious, but assuming can be bad). If your friend is willing to talk about it, good. Help them admit they got a problem afterward and then offer them help. Just don't force it upon them, you don't control the persons life after all.
If you have been in their situation before, saying "I know how you feel" may either put them at ease or agitate them. Most of the time it agitates people because they don't really care if you felt their pain or not.

This is mostly from experience and from psychology class I took. I hope this helps.

Ragtime Mouth
08-05-2010, 02:24 PM
We're lucky enough to have support groups for almost everything today, even if most of the battle of an ED is fought within themselves at the end of the day. I just posted here, as I've said, to show anyone who has/had/on the verge of developing an ED, that even in the cosplay world you're never going to be the only one. I know there are tons of different reasons people develop an eating disorder, not all even have anything to do with how they see themselves. And that sometimes even someone at a normal weight, seemingly okay with themselves, could be more obsessed then you know.

I know I'd still be the way I was if it weren't for my boyfriend, even before we were involved, sometimes all it can take is one decent friend to turn everything around for you. I only wish I met him sooner.

08-05-2010, 04:49 PM
I'm glad someone brought this up. It's nice to know that there are people even here that can relate. I can't stand when my friends talk about maybe skipping that meal cuz they didn't eat too well earlier or they're so fat and whatnot when the're really not, whether they gained weight or not. Especially when they know it's not healthy, but they do it anyway, when I know from experience and it's like my words mean nothing. Especially when we get to the topic of cosplay, it's just...ugh. I think they're relatively aware of my eating issues, but I don't think they really know.
Sadly I was desperate enough to stop eating after being overweight all my life, I think I was around 15 or so (it was a haze of joy and pain and food, honestly.) It was great at first, then it ruined my eating habits. I wasn't trying to be anorexic, I didn't know what exactly I was doing. Nobody would believe me, but in all honesty, starving myself turned into compulsive overeating, the very opposite effect. I think now I'm a very emotional eater, eating in trances, eating for the sake of eating. If I could go back, I'd have told myself not to do that to myself, and I feel for all the people who struggle with an issue like eating that seems so simple but it's not. I do hope that if anyone here has a serious problem they find help, and I'm glad to see there have been people that are working it out.