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View Full Version : Could you look over my script, perhaps?


KomoriChu
06-25-2004, 01:18 AM
Well, I came up with this skit we may do for Otakon. It's my first skit ever... and I was wondering if I could get some advice for it? It's a One Piece skit, making fun of the new 4Kids license... Here's the link to the script (just ignore the fact that it's on my neopet's petpage. ^^;;; ):

http://home.neopets.com/templates/homepage.phtml?pet_name=TCGrarrl

I really need some advice on this skit... Shorter? Longer? Do the lines match the characters' personalities? Is it funny enough? If we get a Zoro, I might add a funny part for him. (Probably involving horribly drawn baseball bats as a substitute for his sword…)

Don't worry about hurting my feelings. I want to know everything wrong with it. Thank you all so much! :)

Mr. Lupin
06-25-2004, 03:21 AM
I've performed some skits at AX, you want to be short , sweet, to the point and have one KILLER LINE in the dialogue . in my opinion your skit concept is solid, you need to re-think some of the lines they sound written, not like natural spoken dialogues in the situation (please refer to a subtitle of a similiar scene) Make sure you and your partners or a sympathetic friend rehearse the script together to iron it out. Before the days of the con. Try taping it on a cassette and listening to it, to test it's rythm. maybe dig up some cool BGM to play to keep the scene flowing . That's all I got!

dchan
06-25-2004, 02:06 PM
I agree with Mr. Lupin.

Short, Sweet & Straight to the point.

Another thing is that this type of skit has been done and done again in the past. Hell, one of them is too many. The topic seems to lead the skit out to being long and tedious, just make sure that if you're doing it, you're well prepared to keep your audience seriously entertained.

KomoriChu
06-25-2004, 10:32 PM
Ahh, okay. Thanks a bunch. I'll try and keep those tips in mind. Ooh, and thanks especially, dchan. I didn't realize that topic has been done before, I haven't been to all too many masquerades... :( Hmm, ah well, back to the drawing board. Thanks much!

Ameria
06-26-2004, 02:47 AM
I have to agree with things mentioned before, but in the way of scripts, I hail it. Maybe I'm biased through.. *whistles innocently and hides her OP DVD sets, posters, CDs, plushies and pins* :thumbsup:

Arch_Angel_Mika
07-02-2004, 12:02 AM
I thought it was cute, but agree that the main stream of it is a bit over-used. Try altering it a little and see what you come up with. Like I always say, "Scripts are never set in stone until you are through performing them." I have been working on a Ludwig Kakumei skit since last November, and I am still altering it. ^_^

lunachan
07-02-2004, 12:14 AM
I loved it! But you need to keep it shorter.Remember there are MANY skits and you dont want people to say this takes too long and leave. But other than that I thought it was funny.

ayn*chan
07-04-2004, 08:06 AM
Agreed, your skit is VERY solid......but it's been done before, it's one of those obvious concepts.... :(

Hinata
07-05-2004, 03:50 AM
I think it's really funny. Could be a bit shorter.. but I love the "na-ru-to?" part. XD

Pirate Usagi
07-05-2004, 09:59 AM
XD It was great and it doesn't look like it'd be -too- long. Have you timed it?