The last verse needs some work. "And then you've romp" is off grammatically, and "or else get stomped whatever they say" just makes no sense.
"omp" is a hard syllable to rhyme with and sounds really bad at the end of a line. Given that the second and seventh lines break the meter anyway, I'd just rewrite the verse.
Also...in general? Not very funny. Get some more actual series references in there, make it more over-the-top in favor of cosplay, do -something- to put some blood in it.
Tom Petty [Final Fantasy XV] (9%)
Bondage Finch [Bondage Finch Adventures] (12%)
Last edited by Mangochutney : 11-18-2007 at 12:30 PM.