Thread: Overdone skits?
View Single Post
Unread 11-18-2007, 01:26 PM   #174
probably a frackpants
Mangochutney's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 6,531
The last verse needs some work. "And then you've romp" is off grammatically, and "or else get stomped whatever they say" just makes no sense.

"omp" is a hard syllable to rhyme with and sounds really bad at the end of a line. Given that the second and seventh lines break the meter anyway, I'd just rewrite the verse. general? Not very funny. Get some more actual series references in there, make it more over-the-top in favor of cosplay, do -something- to put some blood in it.
Workin' on:
Tom Petty [Final Fantasy XV] (9%)
Bondage Finch [Bondage Finch Adventures] (12%)
Your Mother [Debbie Does Dallas XXIII] (8%)

Last edited by Mangochutney : 11-18-2007 at 01:30 PM.
Mangochutney is online now   Reply With Quote