Sad story time it is.
My grandmother battled cancer for years, throughout my teen years it was just how things where and she always came out of things after occasional hospital stays. Sometimes she'd be fine, other times more sick. But she was always just in and out of treatment and it became just a normal thing.
She died in the winter, during the last visit my mother, father, and I had with them up in northern Michigan. My dad got a call on his phone that I answered, it was my sister April (whom i am since estranged with) that told me in a shaky voice to get our dad on the phone. That was the night my grandmother died.
There isn't a lot I remember about the whole time, it was all a sort of blur to me. Most people say they remember everything about the day someone they love dies, the kind of weather it was, the exact hour, the day, the year...I don't honestly remember that. I remember it was night time and winter, but I can't even tell you the year she died. It was at a point in my life that everything is a big mashing of events that flow together and I wish I had more to say on it.
What I do remember is visiting her some months before she died at a time she was in the hospital. I remember hating the smell and everything looked bright and bleak.
If I lost someone else I love to cancer I don't know what I'd do with myself. Sometimes when people close to me are ill I withdraw into myself like a shell and just cry for them. I tell myself that everyone will be okay because my Grandmother went so long with being okay. It's the sort of thing I handle very poorly and without much grace. Perhaps it's more of a trauma then I am inclined to admit.
Alas, this is too much sadness for this thread and so I post a picture of a kitten: