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Unread 02-08-2013, 09:12 PM   #4
Founder of Across
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Join Date: Mar 2003
Posts: 451
Greetings -Alicè-,

Having never no familiarity with Homestuck whatsoever... I'm guessing it's an online chat game of some sort (similar to hack//sign??). However, I find that I'm not really 100% sure what's going on here, particularly at the part where he says "So that's where you are". Considering Karkat has been by the bodies the entire time, why is this stated? It almost implies Gamzee didn't know where Karkat was until that moment. Is there a reason why Gamzee would NOT know where Karkat is?

If you say "TerminallyCapricious" has logged off, likely not a single person unfamiliar with Homestuck will understand. I would have had no idea if you hadn't added the bit in parentheses. It probably wouldn't hurt to make sure the audience knows Karkat's name, too.

Hope this feedback helps a bit. I really appreciate that you're trying to make the skit understandable and enjoyable even for people unfamiliar with the fandom.
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