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[penny_dreadful]

Originally Posted by Kildread

Oblivious actually.

I thought you were mocking the attitude, and I was jumping it to underline how it registers to me.

Sorry.

To avoid future issues, I will state this clearly: I have a major problem with jokes at the expense of special-needs children. There are things I will put up with even if I find them distasteful, but that is not one of them.

Your apology is accepted, though. Let's move on.

[UsakoLuna]

My package is either in customs or in weird international shipping limbo.

But I'm not sure what to do - I have 45 days from date of payment to open a claim. I paid her on November 1. She's been helpful, but sometimes it takes a few days to get a response via email. I also don't want my money back - I want the skirt. But it was a limited restock which means if it is lost there isn't another that she can give me.

There is chance that it just missed a scan at a checkpoint somewhere and it is on its way to my post office as I type this. Or it's somewhere in the Atlantic.

[dx7879]

I love this thread, it allows me to be release that bottled up anger

Anyways...was talking with one of my two friends who will be going to a concert with me this Saturday, and said that we should go to Denny's for dinner. He then says "you're just going to make me sit there and watch you eat?" He said it in a way though, that I should buy him food. Normally I wouldn't mind buying friends food, since it's just food and not other things. This friend though has owed me $89 since end of October, and was suppose to pay me back the second week of November. Like hell I would buy him food!

Then there's the whole splitting gas/parking cost for the concert Saturday. He said it should be fine yesterday, but now he's saying he probably won't have the money for that either which is about $15. My friend makes slightly more than me, but budgets so bad. When he does have extra money, he spends it on unnecessary things which really annoys me!

Then there's a convention I went to recently and although he owed me money at the time, he ends up buying the most food out of everyone when we went out to eat. I highly doubt that his paychecks give him exactly enough money for bills and groceries for the 2 weeks. I think he just wants to hold on to any extra money he has for stupid spendings

[sam vimes]

Originally Posted by dx7879

I think he just wants to hold on to any extra money he has for stupid spendings

Is it drugs? It sounds like drugs.

[dx7879]

Originally Posted by sam vimes

Is it drugs? It sounds like drugs.

More like eating out when he can save more money eating at home. Also last time he spent money getting things for someone else's party such as decorations, food, drinks, etc. Plus the $45 he spent on a Halloween costume when that money should have gone to me :/

[Fish-and-Chips-Yum]

I am not sure how to deal with people right now. Person A is ALWAYS complaining and she cannot utter two sentences without mentioning how many problems she has. Almost every conversation plays out to this effect:

Me: "Good morning, Person A."
Person A: "I would say good morning in return, but mornings are not good. I hate every morning."
Me: "....alrighty then."
*conversation goes on*
Person B: "So this one time--"
Person A: "I've almost died seven times."
Me: "....intentionally? Or what?"
Person A: "No, I just almost die a lot."
Me: "That's not good."
Person A: "That's what my psychologist says."
Person B: "So anyways-"
Person A: "I had a hallucination last night where my bra came out of my lamp."

I do not know how to react to this girl. I don't want to be rude to her, especially because she really does have issues and I don't want to make her feel bad or anything. I'm just so irritated with her, and I honestly can't handle her shoving her issues all over everyone else. I'm not a psychologist, I am not good at reacting to people springing phrases like that on me.

[jukebox]

@Fish and Chips: Pardon me writing a novel here, but, it sounds like this girl isn't getting the help she needs. Maybe it's not accessible to her or maybe it's because she doesn't understand how to get that help or how to get better or how to self-manage, etc. If she has a psychologist, maybe she's having a hard time identifying what would help her, so maybe she and her worker don't understand each other well. But based on how she talks to you, it maybe sounds like she's trying to get attention in lieu of that help. Looking for sympathy is sometimes easier than struggling through the steps to managing a mental illness in your day-to-day life. But none of that means you are obliged to sacrifice your own sense of security to accommodate her special needs. As much as it's important for friends to make compromises for each other's happiness and consideration, you are not trained to handle whatever she's dealing with, and it is incredibly risky, for both you and her, to assume that responsibility. You shouldn't be considered less of a person just because you want to preserve your own comfort.

This might sound harsh, but if she treats you like you're not a "true friend" just because you don't want to handle a problem that you are not even trained to handle- screw her. You have the right to step back if you feel that you can't help and it's making you uncomfortable. You are under no obligation to manage her issues for her, and you have the right to preserve your own mental health. I don't know the semantics of this girl's disability or disorder, and I won't pry, but she too has the right to live with the social liberties of any other person - but to a certain extent, she is still responsible for herself, and trying to make herself the centre of attention by shocking friends and loved ones with her issues is not only generally "dickish", but it's also VERY irresponsible and risky of her. She is making her issues your business and problem, but not providing you with the information necessary regarding how to handle her disability and limitations related to it.

We as people often hesitate to defend and preserve ourselves because we don't want to look or feel like "the bad guy". Girls especially. We don't like doing things if we're worried that we'll seem rude or like a "bitch". You don't have to ream her out, but if you want to stand up to her, let her know that you are not qualified to handle these situations, and it puts you both at risk if she is expecting anyone but professional help to do so.

[Fish-and-Chips-Yum]

Originally Posted by jukebox

-snip-

Thank you very much for this lengthy post. It was both insightful and very helpful advice. I am also very unsure of the extent of her problems and the help she is/is not receiving, as all I am given are snippets like the ones I quoted in my post. I agree that I should not feel obligated to take on these problems, as I certainly am not equipped to handle such things in the best way possible for her and me. I will likely pull her aside and talk to her, because quite frankly, along with myself not being able to properly give her the help she needs, it's not something my current mental state can bear. I'm hoping that she will understand.

[TeaForThought]

...for once....this is neither ranting...nor really quite the usual venting. It's long...and probably makes no sense...I'm not even sure anyone would take the time to read it.

I'm...at a loss for once. A total loss.

There's someone I truly care for...more than words can really describe..but...I'm not quite sure it's the typical definition of love. But...I also know that...no matter how much I care...or they care....that I'm just not ready. Some days I'm not even sure my head is screwed on straight. I'm surrounded by beautiful, wonderful people and I'm very blessed to have them around me.

But...no amount of guiding and coaxing seems to help me.

I'm so...utterly terrified of hurting them. I'm sure it would probably kill me if I ever hurt them in any way. I can barely handle myself. I'm prone to royally screwing everything up at the worst possible time. I really can't allow myself to do that again.

My past is screwing me over. Every time I think it through...all the memories come rushing back and I know it's only causing more damage...because it doesn't even hurt anymore.

To make it worse...my anxiety...has made it next to impossible to actually speak. I'm more comfortable trying to make sense of this in black and white than to actually talk about it like I know I probably need to.

How can I let someone know that I really do care...and that...I'm not trying to make anyone upset...that I just need time...and to find some sort of balance.

I hate to admit it but...I am actually...scared...ashamed...and I really don't know what to do anymore.

[Mr Zero]

Originally Posted by TeaForThought

...for once....this is neither ranting...nor really quite the usual venting. It's long...and probably makes no sense...I'm not even sure anyone would take the time to read it.

I'm...at a loss for once. A total loss.

There's someone I truly care for...more than words can really describe..but...I'm not quite sure it's the typical definition of love. But...I also know that...no matter how much I care...or they care....that I'm just not ready. Some days I'm not even sure my head is screwed on straight. I'm surrounded by beautiful, wonderful people and I'm very blessed to have them around me.

But...no amount of guiding and coaxing seems to help me.

I'm so...utterly terrified of hurting them. I'm sure it would probably kill me if I ever hurt them in any way. I can barely handle myself. I'm prone to royally screwing everything up at the worst possible time. I really can't allow myself to do that again.

My past is screwing me over. Every time I think it through...all the memories come rushing back and I know it's only causing more damage...because it doesn't even hurt anymore.

To make it worse...my anxiety...has made it next to impossible to actually speak. I'm more comfortable trying to make sense of this in black and white than to actually talk about it like I know I probably need to.

How can I let someone know that I really do care...and that...I'm not trying to make anyone upset...that I just need time...and to find some sort of balance.

I hate to admit it but...I am actually...scared...ashamed...and I really don't know what to do anymore.

I think I know exactly what youre talking about. 2 years back one of my best friends was in a similar situation with someone else. Its best to be honest with people. If the person is really a friend they wont be upset. My friend held off on saying anything which made it worse and now theyre not really friends anymore

[TeaForThought]

Originally Posted by Mr Zero

I think I know exactly what youre talking about. 2 years back one of my best friends was in a similar situation with someone else. Its best to be honest with people. If the person is really a friend they wont be upset. My friend held off on saying anything which made it worse and now theyre not really friends anymore

I'm going to have to do it sometime...I know I will. I just...don't know how to say it. The only thing I can think to do is write them a letter and put it with a painting...I'm such a coward right now it's not even funny

[Mykaios]

Originally Posted by Mr Zero

I think I know exactly what youre talking about. 2 years back one of my best friends was in a similar situation with someone else. Its best to be honest with people. If the person is really a friend they wont be upset. My friend held off on saying anything which made it worse and now theyre not really friends anymore

I have problems vocalizing my thoughts and feelings too. I avoid phone calls as much as possible and have the least amount of minutes I can get on my phone plan. Most of the time I just don't talk because I don't have anything relevant to add to the discussion. And with my past being what it is, it just doesn't feel like people are really listening while that may not be the case. I'm afraid of the feedback that I'll get for saying what I feel or how I feel or what I think about something =/ I'm afraid that I might hurt someone or push people away with what I have to say. I'd like to tell my boyfriend that I love him...but I'm just still going to keep that to myself...and this thread.

I get upset easily too these days. And, I obviously don't like it when I get upset but I just get frustrated sometimes - probably my own fault and my lack of communication I'm sure...but still. I know people aren't psychic...but seriously there are just some things people should know by now o_O

[Mr Zero]

Originally Posted by TeaForThought

I'm going to have to do it sometime...I know I will. I just...don't know how to say it. The only thing I can think to do is write them a letter and put it with a painting...I'm such a coward right now it's not even funny

People take things differently. Theres a chance the person will take it really well and you might be better friends after. Letters work if you cant find a chance to talk to them directly. its probably better to actually discuss with the person though if you can so that they understand better. Dont want to have a awkward friendship if you guys are close now

[PsykoGerbil]

Originally Posted by Fish-and-Chips-Yum

Thank you very much for this lengthy post. It was both insightful and very helpful advice. I am also very unsure of the extent of her problems and the help she is/is not receiving, as all I am given are snippets like the ones I quoted in my post. I agree that I should not feel obligated to take on these problems, as I certainly am not equipped to handle such things in the best way possible for her and me. I will likely pull her aside and talk to her, because quite frankly, along with myself not being able to properly give her the help she needs, it's not something my current mental state can bear. I'm hoping that she will understand.

She may not understand, but try not to trap yourself into worrying too much whether she "understands" or "approves". If you need space from this, you need space. If you need space for your own health, that's extremely important that you make that space. I am not sure that pulling her aside will do anything except open you up for some outraged drama or martyred reaction (what I always got from my sister). Perhaps a simple distancing with the explanation "I have stuff going on, not available, sorry".

[TheAnarCHris]

Sister-in-law posted this gem on Bookface this morning.

"I am glad the fundraiser went well last night from Sandy Victims 12-12-12. I do believe that if people reallt want to help. Go volunteer and rebuild a house. Acts speak loud than donations".

My reaction:

1) What's your beef with the english language/grammar? Because there's no excuse for the way you're treating it right now?
2) Are you seriously shitting on people who gave money/clothing/goods to hurricane victims? Really? YOU'RE A FUCKING TEACHER, THIS IS THE SHIT THAT YOU THINK OF?
3) Your sister raised and contributed $600 for hurricane relief for your town, most of which went DIRECTLY to your Grandmother. What did you do? Make several FB posts to raise awareness. I'M SURE THOSE ACTS DID A LOT MORE RIGHT?
4) ::: gnashes keyboard in a fit of rage :::