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Unread 01-03-2013, 03:36 PM   #1
Touva
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How to avoid/get away from a creeper at a con?

My best friend and I are going to Ohayocon in a few weeks, and we know for a fact that a certain guy we met at Sugoicon will be there also. He spent some time hanging out with us and it was glaringly obvious that he was rather attracted to my friend, but she thought he was just being nice so she didn't shy away from him. She doesn't want to tell him off for some reason, but she's dreading inevitably meeting him at Ohayo.

What are some (clever? XD) ways to try to get away from a creeper before notifying the proper authorities?
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Unread 01-03-2013, 03:47 PM   #2
Reily96
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Always notify the proper authorities first. Avoiding is all well and good, but things can escalate very quickly. Do not take your chances.
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Unread 01-03-2013, 03:59 PM   #3
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If you're feeling creeped, threatened, or scared then stay in groups with your friends. Notifying con staff/proper authorities will help and while you may not want to for fear that you're hassling them, remember that they're there for a reason. I can assure you, they won't turn you down or act like you're being a nuisance. Or if you feel like you don't want to jump right to telling the staff over something that could be seem as trivial or easily handled without their help, at least keep a staffer in sight so you have the option.

As for you yourself handling it... you might just have to be assertive and let him know how he's coming off to the two of you and that you want it stopped.
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Unread 01-03-2013, 04:00 PM   #4
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Like Reily96 said always notify authority. If you feel this guy is becoming a creep and is stalking you around at this convention, let someone know. That is what security is there for.

But I find a good way to get away from a creeper is say you got to go back to your hotel room. If they want to follow you back there, let them know you're not allowed to have strangers back in the room. If they do insist on going back, really notify someone.
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Unread 01-03-2013, 04:05 PM   #5
chibierwin
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Reily96 View Post
Always notify the proper authorities first. Avoiding is all well and good, but things can escalate very quickly. Do not take your chances.
^^Definitely seconding this!
Though if it is an emergency, as in he is following you or constantly going after you, a strategy I've heard of is talking to a large group of people to divert attention and to increase numbers.
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Unread 01-03-2013, 06:13 PM   #6
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If you don't want to go to the extreme of reporting him to the Con authority...then you're going to have to tell this guy the truth. If he creeps you out there is no reason you have to hang out with him. Be polite about it but be firm...if he continues to stalk you then go to the con staff right away.
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Unread 01-03-2013, 06:42 PM   #7
Lithium Flower
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Touva View Post
My best friend and I are going to Ohayocon in a few weeks, and we know for a fact that a certain guy we met at Sugoicon will be there also. He spent some time hanging out with us and it was glaringly obvious that he was rather attracted to my friend, but she thought he was just being nice so she didn't shy away from him. She doesn't want to tell him off for some reason, but she's dreading inevitably meeting him at Ohayo.

What are some (clever? XD) ways to try to get away from a creeper before notifying the proper authorities?
Here are Emmers easy steps to telling someone to go away;
  1. Don't pretend to be interested in someone for the sake of being nice: Being 'nice' doesn't mean never turning down someone's advances. It means being able to tell this individual your honest feelings without being sneaky or passive aggressive.
  2. If someone makes you feel uncomfortable, Tell them firmly to stop:Hiding in a corner and faking interest in someone (whether or not it's romantic or friendly interest you are expressing) sends the wrong messages and encourages someone to continue the behavior you are not comfortable with. Be honest and up front when someone is making you feel uncomfortable. Tell them you do not appreciate how they're speaking to you, acting with you, and that you want them to stop.
  3. Be strong, firm, and confident in denying someone your attention: It doesn't matter if someone just wants to be friends or is showing unwanted romantic attention, you have a right to say no to anybody and you do not have to be around people that make you nervous or afraid. When you tell someone "No" tell them firmly and confidently; "I don't like you that way and I want you to stop". You should never sacrafice your comfort in order to prevent someone from feeling bad when you say "No", you deserve to feel safe and should not have to feel scared.
  4. If someone is not listening to you, continues making unwanted gestures towards you, or otherwise makes you feel uncomfortable or unsafe seek out help from an authority figure: If this individual does not stop making unwanted passes at your friend despite her firmly asking him not to and telling him she does not want to be with him then you should approach the nearest security personnel. Explain that this person is not wanted around you but will not leave you alone. Again, be firm in saying "No". Sometimes we feel bad for telling someone "No" if they seem nice but you have to be confident when you say that you do not want this person around you and need help making them stop. Explaining that you feel uncomfortable and unsafe around someone is not something to feel bad about, you have a right to be and feel safe and you shouldn't put someone else's hurt feelings above you feeling safe.

Instead of trying to be 'clever' (which you aren't being if you just look for sarcastic shit to say to someone), just be honest.
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Unread 01-03-2013, 07:30 PM   #8
xIkuna
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Before reporting him, tell him- in a public place, possibly the lobby or most popular place in the convention center- that your friend isn't interested. Yes, he's being creepy, but if he doesn't know that he's being creepy, or doesn't have any ill intentions, than it's not really fair. If it continues, then report him.
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Unread 01-03-2013, 07:58 PM   #9
Touva
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Thanks for all the advice, guys! :3
And yeah, he doesn't have bad intentions. That's why I would feel bad for reporting him...he's not doing anything wrong, because my friend hasn't told him that she already has a boyfriend (but we're not sure if he would care) or to stop.
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Unread 01-03-2013, 08:14 PM   #10
AshofRebirth
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Just be firm and assertive. From your description, he actually doesn't seem so much creepy-stalky as he is just flirting. But like Emmers said, you have a right to say no.
Remember, you can still be polite or nice and honest.

But there is a difference between flirty and being a creeper! If he won't leave you alone or is following you after you've made your point, it's time to give a firm "You need to stop." or, get help.
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Unread 01-03-2013, 10:04 PM   #11
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If he wants to hang out with you and you don't want him to, by all means, tell him she has a boyfriend, tell him you guys have somewhere else to be, tell him you don't want to hang out with him. Be direct but don't be rude.

It is unfortunate that people lose their sense of social grace in convention space, and behaviors that can go ignored in daily interaction or don't have an opportunity to pop up/get bad suddenly get magnified because we're all crammed into a shared space for three days. Creepers (male AND female) who can't follow you home after spotting you at a mall can suddenly follow you around everywhere including to your safe sleeping space. I support the growing "Cosplay is Not Consent" movement, and any con that has enacted this policy should be a good place to feel comfortable to go to staff/security if you can't shake off someone who has lost their sense of personal boundaries for the weekend. But I do encourage people to at least make it clear to the creeper in question that they're not wanted. A lot of creepers don't think they're being creepy, they're not sitting in their hotel room plotting which girls they're going to skeeve all over or whatever. They genuinely may lack social skills or they may be completely forgetting everything they ever learned about how not to talk to the opposite sex. It doesn't make them any less creepy nor does it excuse their behavior, but it means they have a blind spot and need a big neon sign to let them know before they find themselves face to face with a beefy security guy.
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Unread 01-04-2013, 05:39 AM   #12
kuroki-neko
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find someone whos cosplaying as the guy from minecraft and have him carry around the 8bit sword too. oops wrong creeper.

seriously sometimes guys/girls just get a bit lonely at cons seeing people together as friends or in a relationship.

the key this is DON'T BE RUDE OR MEAN that will make the person feel the worst its hard to make friends at cons nowadays. people come with groups of friends and don't let other people in.
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Unread 01-04-2013, 10:11 AM   #13
pinkkiller
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That doesn't sound like a creeper at all. Your friend didn't think he was into her and that's why she hung out with him, but now that she knows she doesn't want to anymore... are you missing something from the story? Not wanting to be around someone because they're attracted to you is not at all the same as being stalked by a creepy person...

Just tell him the truth and don't dick around. You haven't even told him to not hang around with you guys anymore, you haven't tried anything to get rid off him, so why ask for advice? Trying to find "clever" ways to get away from someone without telling them, that's just rude.

Last edited by pinkkiller : 01-04-2013 at 10:17 AM.
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Unread 01-04-2013, 11:24 AM   #14
Gummibar
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You gotta be up front and very firm, don't run and hide as it'll encourage them to continue the behavior. If they continue, notify security. Always stay in a large group friends as well.
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Unread 01-04-2013, 04:19 PM   #15
Lithium Flower
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Touva View Post
Thanks for all the advice, guys! :3
And yeah, he doesn't have bad intentions. That's why I would feel bad for reporting him...he's not doing anything wrong, because my friend hasn't told him that she already has a boyfriend (but we're not sure if he would care) or to stop.
Well you won't know until you find out eh?

If your friend feels this comfortable she has a right to make this known, for example:

"So and so I understand you like me but I am with someone and it makes me uncomfortable when; you speak to me that way/act that way/do X/etc so please stop."

Your buddy has a right to be comfortable and feel safe at the convention but she has to understand that being honest and telling this guy she isn't interested does not make her a bad person. It might hurt his feelings but he isn't going to know that she thinks he's a creep or weird when she isn't telling him his advances are bothering her.

Being honest isn't bad, it doesn't make someone a 'bitch' and it might hurt someones feelings a little but someone cannot know that what they said or did isn't appropriate if one person lets them believe it's okay.
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