Battery powered 30" jacobs lader stuck in a cleaned out 32" long T12 fluorescent tube, FTW. On the safer side there are those 12V car neon tubes. Google "street glow lava" and "street glow lightning" . I think they only come in 12", 15" and 20" long but two could be used end to end.
You can't run from death forever, but you can make the bastard work for it...