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Unread 09-28-2014, 05:45 PM   #1
thelonelycloud
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Question How to tell my Parents

So here's the deal. I've been wanting to do some cosplay for a while, but I've been having some trouble telling my parents that I want to do it as a female. The problem is that I'm transsexual, but I'm not out to my parents yet and I don't know how to approach either topic with them. So what I'm wondering is would it better for me to use cross-play (in their eyes, because they still think I'm male) to ease them into the idea that I'm transsexual, or would it be better to come out to them as transsexual and then just cosplay as female, which would not technically be cross-play, with them knowing that I'm trans?
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Unread 09-28-2014, 06:13 PM   #2
JasonTerror
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Personally I told my parents pretty easily..They were already use to me wearing "girl pants" (before they made skinny jeans for guys back in like 2005) and she saw me crossdress when I was in middle school so it came to no surprise to her..And my dad is like the most carefree guy ever and literally nothing I can say can make him feel like normal parents would lol

I texted them both about it..My dad was gone from the house we were living in and I wasn't living with my mom at the time) but I used other people as examples that we already knew were trans. It showed them that it isn't going to make me different to be whatever I wanted or anything. However, the rest of my family is different..They will never know..Not a good idea..

So maybe that can help you get some ideas..Idk..I also gauged my other family based on how they reacted to it with others. Like seeing it on TV there might be a person who is trans on a show or something, I'd see what their reaction is to THAT and see if it's a good idea to say anything..This could be a good way to see how they could react without telling them first.

Idk..Hope I'm helping at all..lol I'm not good at this.
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Unread 09-28-2014, 06:52 PM   #3
PolyVinylAres
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Show them a bunch of the crossplay outfits here, and go, "Wow, that looks amazing - I'd really like to do a costume like that!"

That does give you the "plenty of other well-adjusted people do it" card. Obviously you can't play the "this has no bearing on my sexuality" card...
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Unread 09-28-2014, 07:25 PM   #4
thelonelycloud
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PolyVinylAres View Post
Show them a bunch of the crossplay outfits here, and go, "Wow, that looks amazing - I'd really like to do a costume like that!"

That does give you the "plenty of other well-adjusted people do it" card. Obviously you can't play the "this has no bearing on my sexuality" card...
So you think its ok to approach the topic without explaining my sexuality in anyway then?
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Unread 09-28-2014, 07:39 PM   #5
Azuraschampion
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PolyVinylAres View Post
Show them a bunch of the crossplay outfits here, and go, "Wow, that looks amazing - I'd really like to do a costume like that!"

That does give you the "plenty of other well-adjusted people do it" card. Obviously you can't play the "this has no bearing on my sexuality" card...
Well actually she can claim that, Being Transgender or Transsexual has absolutely nothing to do with your sexuality.

Anyways, back to the OP's question. From my experience, "crossplaying" really doesn't work to prepare your parents for you telling them you're transsexual. I "crossplayed" for an entire year before coming out to my parents as transsexual, and they were still incredibly shocked when i told them. I suppose wearing a costume for a day or 2, no matter which genders it is(as if clothes have genders, lol), can really prepare them for telling them that you wish to live as your real gender for the rest of your life.

Still, IMO anyway, telling them earlier rather than later would be the best option. As my parents put it, they had thought i was male for 20 years, they're going to need at least a few years to get used to me being female. The sooner you tell them, the more time they have to get used to the idea, and the less time it should take.(In theory anyway)

On a more personal note, if you have any questions, or need any resources, good sites to show your parents if you do decide to end up telling them, stuff like that, just ask, id be glad to help. I've had a good decade to accumulate them, so ive got quite the library, and would be glad to help.
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Unread 09-28-2014, 07:44 PM   #6
PolyVinylAres
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Quote:
Originally Posted by thelonelycloud View Post
So you think its ok to approach the topic without explaining my sexuality in anyway then?
Clearly you are going to have to tell them about your sexuality at some point... now or years from now, up to you. I don't believe in lying about such things unless it would put you in real danger.* But I don't think you have to link your crossplay interests and your sexuality immediately. They really are just clothes.

*Please understand that I am not anything like a trained professional and this is just my opinion. I'm bi, and the day my mother asked me directly about it, I told her. But I honestly don't feel that has anything to do with my sexuality; I was enjoyably crossplaying for years and years when I still happily identified as straight.
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Unread 09-28-2014, 07:45 PM   #7
PolyVinylAres
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Originally Posted by Azuraschampion View Post
Well actually she can claim that, Being Transgender or Transsexual has absolutely nothing to do with your sexuality.
I'm of that opinion myself, I should have been more clear on that. I meant to say thelonelycloud might not be believed at first!

Nevertheless, you are 100% correct, and I appreciate the clarification.
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Unread 09-28-2014, 08:07 PM   #8
Azuraschampion
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oh, i didnt mean to make it sound like that was your opinion, sry. I was just clarifying it myself.
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Unread 09-28-2014, 10:52 PM   #9
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I would recommend having have good friend with you, someone who they may know and like, or at least a friend on hand you can talk to for support before and after. Just bring up the cross-playing first and see how they react.

Of course I shouldn't talk cause I'm super duper in the closet about my gender. Even with accepting parents
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Unread 09-29-2014, 10:53 AM   #10
builder396
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Well, this is complicated. I did see the post earlier, but since I really cant offer any wisdom or experience in that, I didnt feel I had anything to add. But I do still have my opinion.

Im only a crossplayer, and up to the point where i stumbled into this forum to gather tips for my first crossplay, the term transgender was something vaguely existing somewhere out there, but since I never seen or heard of any such cases myself I never got in touch with the subject.
But when "outing" myself as a crossplayer towards my mother, she did react rather well to it. I just went and visited her at her workplace telling her I would come in my costume, but not what the costume was. Although later she mentioned something along the lines of "So you really arent into girls then.", when talking about my crossplay again recently, which I obviously did have to correct her on. (I think she really wants me to be homosexual, thats not the first time she suspected me of that)

Bottom line is:
There is a very big risk of your parents initially misunderstanding a few things. How far sexuality, gender, crossplay and other things are really connected inst really well known to the general public, so you will probably run into a couple of landmines with that, regardless of whether you start with outing your crossplay or being transgender, so just try and clear up most of that in that talk. Just let your parents enjoy a big margin of error when dealing with you, since accepting that someone suddenly has the other gender isnt as easy as turning off the lights. Dont hold it against them if they do something wrong because they dont know any better. (Do hold it against them if they do you wrong out of spite or hate.)
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Unread 09-29-2014, 07:28 PM   #11
thelonelycloud
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I'm just concerned that if I start "cross-playing" they are going to find out about my gender identity before I'm ready for them to know....
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Unread 09-29-2014, 09:11 PM   #12
Loveable-Eve
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Quote:
Originally Posted by thelonelycloud View Post
I'm just concerned that if I start "cross-playing" they are going to find out about my gender identity before I'm ready for them to know....
They probably will but hopefully they won't bring it up till you are. If they try to bring it up tell them you don't to talk about it. I know my parents have made the mistake after a friend slipped up and practically outed me.
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Unread 09-29-2014, 09:23 PM   #13
Goldroman22
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well i'm an asexual so in my experience sexuality/gender identity never gets in the way of stuff. so what i'll say for what its worth is just let stuff happen... however if you feel you might have a problem you're not able to handle counselors at school(im assuming you're in highschool) might be able to help, if your ok with them. there not always that good. but the ones at my school have a student-counselor confidentiality agreement. so i dunno what its like in your situation. but good luck anyway.
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Unread 09-29-2014, 11:12 PM   #14
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This VERY much depends on the parents, and is also kind of fucked up, but some conservative parents are actually more accepting if their child is trans and wanting to present/live as their true gender vs. the thought their child might be or be perceived as "gay." (ie, it's acceptable for their kid to wear dresses if they're really a girl but not if their kid is really a boy...if that makes any sense).

You know your parents better than any of the rest of us do, though. Good luck, whatever you decide to do.
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