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Unread 01-16-2017, 05:42 PM   #1
PapaBara
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Crossplay advice

So I've been wanting to crossplay for a really long time now but my parents are extremely transphobic and I don't think they would take well to the idea of me crossdressing. I've kinda dropped hints that I want to crossdress without actually saying it and I basically got told that I would get disowned if I did. Anyone think I could pull off ordering a costume and wearing it to a con without them knowing? If anyone has any advice on how to pull this off / get my parents to let me crossplay it would be greatly appreciated!

Last edited by PapaBara : 01-16-2017 at 05:44 PM. Reason: I fucked up
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Unread 01-17-2017, 01:47 AM   #2
Jei-Cos
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Hmm. This one's a bit harder than normal. When the parents are THAT bad with it, the whole "try to talk to them" thing, is totally not gonna happen..I'd say if you can just keep it under wraps then do your best to try. I'd be sure to not post anything to facebook about it in any way because they could find out from others that might follow you that could say something to them.

As far as buying a cosplay of the other gender, the only way they would know that you ordered specifically a cosplay for that gender is if they either see you guy it, or they see it after you buy it. series/character names aren't written on the shipping labels or the packages so just getting a package in the mail from a cosplay site won't be a dead giveaway that it's a crossplay. It could very well be a cosplay of a character in your gender, and they would never know unless they saw what was IN the package.The problem is if you are doing something like having them pay for it with their credit card or something. If that's the case, your only real option is to wait until you can buy these things on your own.
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Unread 01-17-2017, 06:22 AM   #3
PapaBara
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Thanks for the help. The problem with ordering stuff wasn't with buying the stuff, but rather with being able to order it to my house without my parents seeing the package. (and no I'm not getting a PO box)
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Unread 01-17-2017, 12:56 PM   #4
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I don't know what your relationship with your family is like, or if you're a minor or anything like that and nor will anyone else here.

But if you can't even have some kind of discussion with them about what you want to do then your best bet is going to be to wait until you're in a position where your parents aren't going to have a say in it. Going behind their backs or doing anything where they would find out and create some kind of negative reaction or consequence is generally not a good idea.

Cosplay is a hobby and quite frankly, it isn't worth getting kicked out or disowned over.
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Unread 01-17-2017, 07:09 PM   #5
PapaBara
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Yeah I guess I'm expecting too much by thinking I could do anything without them knowing. However my problem kinda goes outside of cosplay because I struggle with gender identity in general and I've been holding it in for years (but thats off topic so I'm not getting into that). I kinda wanted to use cosplay as a way to present as the gender I want to, as people at cons are generally accepting, and their are many characters that is like to crossplay because their outfits look cool and fun to wear. Cosplay is like one of my favorite things to do ever but I've been loosing interest because I don't really like cosplay as dudes and that's what I've been stuck doing. Sorry if I'm being a whiney cunt I just don't often get the chance to talk about this.
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Unread 01-17-2017, 08:19 PM   #6
TeaForThought
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PapaBara View Post
Yeah I guess I'm expecting too much by thinking I could do anything without them knowing. However my problem kinda goes outside of cosplay because I struggle with gender identity in general and I've been holding it in for years (but thats off topic so I'm not getting into that). I kinda wanted to use cosplay as a way to present as the gender I want to, as people at cons are generally accepting, and their are many characters that is like to crossplay because their outfits look cool and fun to wear. Cosplay is like one of my favorite things to do ever but I've been loosing interest because I don't really like cosplay as dudes and that's what I've been stuck doing. Sorry if I'm being a whiney cunt I just don't often get the chance to talk about this.
Nah, no apologies necessary. If anything I apologise if anything came off too harshly.

Maybe a workaround would be finding more feminine male characters and going from there until you're in a better position both to cosplay as you'd like and present how you're comfortable. I know it's not much but it might be a start. Unless you've got close friends that you trust enough to order things and have it sent to their house instead.

Being in that situation is tough and it may seem like there's not a lot you can do with it right now, but it will definitely be worth the wait. Sometimes it really does just take time for parents to start to warm up to an idea and gradually working up to it can help.

But even if they don't, at some point you will be able to live your life on your terms.
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Unread 01-17-2017, 08:27 PM   #7
PapaBara
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Thank you so much for the support! Even if I can't crossplay to my next con this makes me hopeful for the future.
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Unread 01-17-2017, 10:03 PM   #8
Jei-Cos
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Ok so what's the problem with them seeing a package then? Seeing a package delivered to you doesn't necessarily mean it's a crossplay..It's a package..There could literally be anything in it..NO crossplay you buy is going to say anything about the cosplay on the package. The ONLY way they would even know it's a crossplay is is they see what's IN the package..A package doesn't have a gender label. They won't know what's in it, therefore if they don't see INSIDE the package, then they can't get mad about anything..
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Unread 01-18-2017, 06:07 AM   #9
PapaBara
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Yeah but my parents are nosy as fuck and if I order something they're most definitely going to want to know own what's inside, and if I tell them it's a cosplay they'll probably asks to see it.
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Unread 01-18-2017, 08:55 AM   #10
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I agree with TeaForThought's suggestion of finding feminine male characters, but I'm worried that your parents might decide that all cosplay is godless genderfuckery and ban you from any of it. You'll also have to do the other "get your parents to approve of cosplay" activities- pay for it with your own money as much as you can, demonstrate it's taught you useful skills (might be hard if they think sewing is for girlies), introduce them to positive influence people who cosplay. Be careful, whatever you do, and I hope you get out of there soon. Sending you love and strength :*
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Unread 01-18-2017, 01:42 PM   #11
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Well they're already cool with cosplay in general. I've been cosplaying for almost six years now and I pay for it myself so that's not a problem. I'm okay with the whole cosplaying as feminine dudes idea, however the only characters that come to mind that I'd be interested in doing are Howl from Howl's Moving Castle and a bunch of characters who are intentionally designed to appear female at first glance (such as Forrest/Foleo from fire emblem or Gwyndolin from Dark Souls) which I don't think will fly with them unfortunately.
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Unread 01-19-2017, 01:17 PM   #12
TeaForThought
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With that whole more feminine male character idea in mind, what about more "magical boy" or idol type cosplays? Uta Pri and Cute High Earth Defense Club Love! come to mind.

Possibly even Diabolik Lovers or xxxholic characters based on hair colour and outfit possibilities. Helios from Sailor Moon might be another option?

Since I don't really know what your anime preferences are I'm just throwing ideas out there, but hopefully it'll give you something to work off of or inspiration at the very least.
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Thou canst not then be false to any man.”

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Unread 01-20-2017, 09:32 PM   #13
PapaBara
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For some reason they have no problem with me cosplaying as Tracer from overwatch so I'm just gonna go with that. It's not a cute dress but it's a step in the right direction so I'll take what I can get.
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