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Unread 08-27-2015, 10:24 AM   #1
zoeypensive
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Problem with parents

I'm 22 and still live with my parents. I haven't done crossplay before but will be doing it for the first time very soon. Or maybe not, honestly.

My mom hates it. She hates me and everything I do, nothing is ever good enough for her and she keeps insulting me and making jokes and says girls won't like me if I crossplay, and dad is so stereotypically macho I haven't even told him yet because I'm afraid of how he will respond and I cant ******* take this much longer.

I'm sure some of you have been in this situation. How did you handle your parents not accepting your crossplay?
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Unread 08-27-2015, 10:40 AM   #2
ilafatyu
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Question first, are you an FtM or MtF crossplayer? MtF crossplayers have a harder time with their parents accepting their hobby, unfortunately, but a lot of parents won't accept anything outside the rigid gender lines at all.

Does your mom not realize she's insulting you? Some people think it's funny to make fun of their kids to push their buttons, insulting them just to make them angry and then laugh to themselves when their children are upset. My parents are like that, in fact, moreso now to my brother than to me.

What I've found works in my family is just owning it. Saying, yeah, this is what I'm doing and I don't care what you think. Putting on a hard shell and saying that will sometimes make them stop because they're not getting the reaction anymore is a tactic usually reserved for 8-year-old bullies, but it was surprisingly effective for my family. But it all depends on your family's dynamic. I'm moving out (finally at 23) to get away from their BS, but if you worry your dad's reaction will be aggressive, that's...
That's a problem I understand well but don't yet have an answer to. People really shouldn't be afraid of their parents for things like this.
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Unread 08-27-2015, 10:57 AM   #3
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You're 22 years old; you're a legal adult. You don't have to take that crap. It sounds like there's a lot more going on in your family than just issues with cross-playing, so maybe try to have a serious conversation with your parents and hash out all the deeper issues as well. Maybe some family counseling would do you all some good? Either way, don't give up on your family, because your family is the best thing you have, but don't take their BS either. You go man!
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Unread 08-27-2015, 11:04 AM   #4
zoeypensive
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If my family is the best thing I have I'm killing myself as soon as I pay off my student loans, because my family is horrible.
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Unread 08-27-2015, 11:12 AM   #5
zoeypensive
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I think I'll just go now. Thank you for the responses.
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Unread 08-27-2015, 02:09 PM   #6
ilafatyu
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Angels, family often isn't the best thing. Sometimes family is a destructive/toxic group and the best thing you can do is get out of the situation. Abusive situations are real, and they aren't just reserved for boy/girlfriends. I have a few friends who can't live with their parents anymore because of the long-term physical/emotional/mental abuse that's severely changed who they are and how they approach problems, and trust me, there's a lot of things in their lives better than family.

Regardless, killing yourself probably isn't the best solution to your problem. There's a long list of other things you can do, including finding roommates and getting yourself out of that situation. Clearly this issue does far, far deeper than crossplaying.
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Unread 08-27-2015, 03:56 PM   #7
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I wish I could offer you some support about this, but I've never thought myself skilled enough to crossplay, and I have super-accepting parents.

Zoey, I hope you understand that your mom is WRONG. You should crossplay because you want to. I'm sorry you're in such a terrible environment right now, and I hope you can find a way to get out into a healthy place. Nobody can smell the roses when they're up to their knees in sh... mud.

It can be sublimely disturbing to go against your parents thoughts, beliefs, and wishes. Just look at Harlow's monkey experiments. But this constant criticism you're describing is BAD FOR YOU. This kind of anger and fear is not healthy for you. Please take care of yourself, if you can find a solution. Ilaf at you has offered just two, maybe there are also others?

And, for the record, I absolutely believe you that your family is that toxic; the things my brother-in-law's family says to my sister is... ghastly.
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Unread 08-27-2015, 11:21 PM   #8
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Fortunately, I have such a great family that it seems weird that your family could possibly be bad, but I guess i see what people are saying that that isn't always the case. Either way, I still think you should work some things out with them if possible, but you should also be able to do what you want.
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Unread 08-30-2015, 12:53 AM   #9
Dictamnus Albus
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handling non acceptance is a very personality dependent and often difficult thing, especially since we as a species are socially driven

28, live w/ parents,
my parents are the, "we support you, but we'll take pot shots
and comment on how wastefull or not avrage norm, everything you do is" type

i never had female friends cause my dad did the "shes your girl-friend,wink wink" frat boy style teasing, also making me not wana buy any game that had a girl on the package
and im in a "career limbo" cause evrytime i have an idea, i get a "nobody needs that" or "you could get that college req job, you just need to not be lazy, and be in debt for the rest of your life"

in addition, even though they had me diagnosed as ADD/ depression (age 5), they and most adults in my life, refused to accept or consider that i might have mental "disabilities"
instead of just labeling me as lazy and passive agressive

ive taken it all quite personally, and all of my experiances will "haunt me for life"

the truth of matters is, you cant really "advise" someone in these cases, cause the personalities involved in each situation is utterly unique,
theres always sugestions of counsuling and having a talk, some people just want to co-miserate or vent
the most unfortunate thing in most cases is that the option to leave an abusive or toxic situation, is often not feasible

i sincerly hope that you or others in such situations dont turn to suicide, or self mutilation,
as hard as it may be, i belive its true, that the surest way to beat a bully (or negative suroundings) is to find happyness

in your case, unless your family are just horrible people... if they see that you are happy with your life and find joy in your hobbies,
they should end up stopping the harassment, they might be meaning to be endearing in their mind but your personalities clash
so you interpret it as insulting


id also like to take a second on the "family is the best thing you have" idea,
in general, for better or worse, we are, by genetics, and nurture, imprinted into our familys (blood or not)
its in our nature, to seek acceptance and aproval from those we call our family,
in a "toxic" situation, it depends mostly upon your personality, wether you shrug it off, or you take everything personally (like i do)

all said, i think the best thing to do in your situation would be to try to find more like minded people, and try to spend more time
in that positive environment, the hope would be that you gain more self confidence, and your family would stop after seeing youre
happy and healthy in your life or you can "ignore it", or that you can develop a support network to help cope, or remove you if need be, from your toxic situation

speaking as someone whom has thought of death (and hopes of reincarnation) daily for the last 17yrs
(ive gone as far as to research methods of suicide, and take care of the after effects)
i highly reccomend against it, at a time your "calm and collected" give serious thought to every facet that such a decision entails

Last edited by Dictamnus Albus : 08-30-2015 at 02:14 AM.
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