Fascinating topic, chaps. Back on the topic of chapstick: (lol see what I did there) so the only kind that ever seems to help me is Chapstick Medicated. I have tried other brands and nothing seems to help but the Medicated stuff. I buy a lot of them and stash them everywhere. It is torture to be without any kind of lip balm at a convention with no convenience store around.
Honestly, I don't care for chapstick...
The only time I've ever used anything on my lips was when I had a job indexing loan documents and the air from flipping through the pages was horrible. Carmex was the solution for me. It's the best stuff for dry/chapped lips, in my opinion. It does taste horrible though if any gets in your mouth or you go to lick your lips. XD
Also... I don't see why everyone gets offended so easily. Life's too short to be mad all the time. =) Go go happy thoughts!