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Unread 06-19-2012, 04:07 PM   #46426
BlondieSundae
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Emmers I dislike that your mother has a problem with your weight/how you look because i genuinely think you're a beautiful person inside and out... =(
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Originally Posted by Lithium Flower View Post
Once upon an evening dreary, while I lurked weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten posts,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a bitching,
As of some one gently pitching, bitching at my chamber door.
`'Tis JasonTerror,' I muttered, `bitching at my chamber door -
Only this, and nothing more.'
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Unread 06-19-2012, 04:13 PM   #46427
penny_dreadful
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Emmers, your mom is kind of an asshole and if I ever met her I'd probably feed her Ex-lax brownies for giving you such a screwy attitude towards yourself and your body. I hope the day comes soon when you are free from her royally f'ed-up views.

It'll probably always make you feel angry and hurt to hear your mom criticize you (I say this from personal experience), but maybe some day you will not feel like you need to actually listen when she says that shit.
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Unread 06-19-2012, 04:14 PM   #46428
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Aw, Emmers, I'm sorry that you're feeling pressure from your mom. It sounds like you've worked pretty hard to be in shape, and I'm sure that your efforts haven't gone completely to waste! If nothing else, don't you at least feel a little better that you were able to do the workouts you did? Keep in mind that 5 pounds of fat and 5 pounds of muscle look very different on a person, so don't let the numbers get you down.
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Unread 06-19-2012, 04:20 PM   #46429
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Time to kick your mom into a retirement home.
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Unread 06-19-2012, 04:25 PM   #46430
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Emmers, your mom doesn't control you. Though you may not feel like it sometimes, you control you.
You're beautiful. You really are. And not in that "I'm expanding my definition of 'beautiful' to not seem like an asshole" kind of way that people assume other adopts when these others call them "beautiful."
You are sincerely good-looking. Of course, our image of you doesn't matter. YOUR image of you matters. Just know that we all think you're gorgeous.
And don't stress yourself out so much about losing weight. When you're stressed, your body does exactly the opposite of what you want it to (at least in my experience) and you find yourself treading theoretical water.
You'll get there. It may not be as soon as you'd like, but if you keep at it, you'll get where you want to be.
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Unread 06-19-2012, 04:38 PM   #46431
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Emmers - you are gorgeous! Don't let your mom make you feel otherwise!
Even if you didn't lose any weight everything you did made you healthier and that is so much more important than achieving a certain weight or clothing size.

If she says anything too mean just try and remember that. *hugs*
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Unread 06-19-2012, 04:41 PM   #46432
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I think I need to stop following the OKCenemies Tumblr, because I'm routinely disgusted and also a little terrified that I will see someone I know on there.
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"And we are all told from the moment we open our eyes, that everyone is entitled to his or her opinion. Well, thatís horsepuckey, of course. We are not entitled to our opinions; we are entitled to our informed opinions. Without research, without background, without understanding, itís nothing. Itís just bibble-babble. Itís like a fart in a wind tunnel, folks." --Harlan Ellison
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Unread 06-19-2012, 04:44 PM   #46433
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It's raining sideways!

Seriously. It's raining really hard over here.
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Unread 06-19-2012, 05:28 PM   #46434
Lithium Flower
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Thank you everyone

Sincerely. It really means a lot to have your support.

I hate so much that I hold myself up to these horrific standards, that I absolutely do not impose on anyone else. I genuinely do not see 'fat' in other people. It's not something that I really think about when it comes to others, I just see 'oh pretty'and how big or small the person is it's just like..not even a real thought. It's just a person I think is lovely. But with myself I just see.. monstrous. When it comes to the point when I can't bring myself to look in the mirror I know somethings wrong; but it feels so incredibly difficult to apply the same sense of self and love to myself that I give to other people.

I wish I could verbalize why I feel so hard on myself, but I can't find the words. Maybe it really is weighed (no pun intended, though I wish it was because I funny like that) in how I was raised. Not to have a sense of self-esteem, but to be praised by how I look. When I was skinny and younger my mother and grandmother would comment "You have such long skinny legs, you're going to do well in life" , I wasn't going to do 'well' in life because of my achievements or talents, I was going to do well because I was skinny . When I was a chubby high-schooler I wasn't ever told how well I was going to do anymore. I didn't hear that I had long-skinny legs and my life would be full of success and wealth. I heard "you're too fat to wear that". Then when I lost the weight as I got in my later teens and early (earlier anyway) 20's I would hear "you look like you lost some weight today" or "your face is looking kind of fat, have you gained weight?" and told that my perfect weight to go for would be 100 - 115lbs and because of this I was around 25lbs 'overweight' at my 125-30lb frame.

The only time I was ever told how well I was doing, or how great my life would be, or that I am so talented and special was if I was thin and pretty...

and now I feel like a failure in every possible way I could ever fail. Being a good person. Being a good artist. Being 'pretty', whatever that means. Being Emily. I just fail at it all, and it's because I went and got fat all over again.


I wish I didn't feel like I owed the world being pretty.




In slightly less horribly depressing news, a young kid on dA added me to their dA watch and they have a whole table of nothing but pictures of 'stamps' (the dA style that is), which included such gems as 'I have a black belt in masturbation', 'parents just don't understand', and 'The USA is vastly overrated'.

Their profile has so much random gifs and stuff thrown on it, it's almost frozen my browser each time I go there.
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Unread 06-19-2012, 06:01 PM   #46435
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WTF is up with the seagulls outside? God, there's like twenty of them circling around and they will NOT shut up. God I hate those birds. Bunch of winged garbage disposals. (And of course they also ruin attempts to feed ducks at the lakeshore, by swarming in and grabbing everything first and attacking the other birds... and hell, a friend of my boyfriend's got his WALLET taken by a seagull.)
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Unread 06-19-2012, 06:10 PM   #46436
BlondieSundae
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Guys...I don't feel ok after this

T_T
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lithium Flower View Post
Once upon an evening dreary, while I lurked weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten posts,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a bitching,
As of some one gently pitching, bitching at my chamber door.
`'Tis JasonTerror,' I muttered, `bitching at my chamber door -
Only this, and nothing more.'
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Unread 06-19-2012, 06:19 PM   #46437
UsakoLuna
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No. Not okay.
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Unread 06-19-2012, 06:21 PM   #46438
BlondieSundae
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Fuck i'm supposed to ride Friday....
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lithium Flower View Post
Once upon an evening dreary, while I lurked weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten posts,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a bitching,
As of some one gently pitching, bitching at my chamber door.
`'Tis JasonTerror,' I muttered, `bitching at my chamber door -
Only this, and nothing more.'
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Unread 06-19-2012, 06:22 PM   #46439
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SpazItUp View Post
I've spent the last week playing through the FEAR series. How bad could that possibly be...

...that was actually a bit unnerving. I'm scared of smiles now.
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Unread 06-19-2012, 06:23 PM   #46440
BlondieSundae
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bisected8 View Post
I've spent the last week playing through the FEAR series. How bad could that possibly be...


...I'm scared of smiles now.
I feel like I need to sit in a hot shower and cry while I scrub myself.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lithium Flower View Post
Once upon an evening dreary, while I lurked weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten posts,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a bitching,
As of some one gently pitching, bitching at my chamber door.
`'Tis JasonTerror,' I muttered, `bitching at my chamber door -
Only this, and nothing more.'
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