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Unread 08-29-2012, 06:08 PM   #3841
BlondieSundae
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Originally Posted by kuroki-neko View Post
thats a good way of putting it, but the thing is she and i have been together for over a year and she was fine when going to college. if she had something to occupy her mind or do during the day thats not on the computer.
If she has self esteem issues I don't think being in college made them magically disappear. It doesn't work like that trust me, I know. There is a deeper issue at hand and as the other posters stated, this is HER and HER problems. You cannot fix her.
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Unread 08-29-2012, 06:09 PM   #3842
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Originally Posted by kuroki-neko View Post
....i cut contact with every girl i ever knew when i started dating her.
...red flag alert. Unstable relationship detected.
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Unread 08-29-2012, 06:10 PM   #3843
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Originally Posted by The Hag View Post
All you can do is reassure her that you love her and think she is beautiful. But it does come down to a matter of trust. This is about her, not you. If she can not bring herself to trust you, then there is not much you can do. Only you can decide when/if her insecurity has damaged the relationship beyond repair. I would definitely try to keep your mom out of it as much as possible though. When you reach an impasse, I think it is better to say, "We're getting nowhere. Let's take a break from this discussion and I'll call you tomorrow." Then be sure and call her tomorrow!

I don't know why there is a green arrow at the top of my post. o_O?
thats what i have been doing, its just a combo of trust insecurity and jealousy. she and i lasted a year together so we must have been doing something right heck we even cosplayed together at sakura con this year ; i enjoyed that. the thing is my mother got trough to my gf while just was out of things to say to my gf without making her cry or say im a jerk. when she talked to my mom i feel she listened more than to me.

the funny thing about that one is she won't let an argument go even if i try to change the subject she will continue to rant on. she has a habbit not wanting to have time to cool down or to cool down in general she just wants to keep ranting at me.
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Unread 08-29-2012, 06:11 PM   #3844
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Originally Posted by DireKitty View Post
...red flag alert. Unstable relationship detected.
Both guys and girls do that *a lot* though --- I mean, cutting contact with other members of the same gender as your SO.
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Unread 08-29-2012, 06:12 PM   #3845
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Originally Posted by DireKitty View Post
...red flag alert. Unstable relationship detected.
yea shes like "you knew a girl in your life before me?!?!" its like i was not supposed to know any girls before her even before she and i met.
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Unread 08-29-2012, 06:13 PM   #3846
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Both guys and girls do that *a lot* though --- I mean, cutting contact with other members of the same gender as your SO.
id like to say thanks for not being a jerk like you did in the past when i posted something
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Unread 08-29-2012, 06:15 PM   #3847
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Originally Posted by SpazItUp View Post
If she has self esteem issues I don't think being in college made them magically disappear. It doesn't work like that trust me, I know. There is a deeper issue at hand and as the other posters stated, this is HER and HER problems. You cannot fix her.
my mom though that to my gf might have problems like we all do.
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Unread 08-29-2012, 06:15 PM   #3848
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Originally Posted by Kildread View Post
Both guys and girls do that *a lot* though --- I mean, cutting contact with other members of the same gender as your SO.
Sadly it is common but it's not right. I was in a relationship with a guy who told me not to be friends with a guy who was single and he didn't know. And that was all sorts of fucked up and wrong. That relationship ended quickly, after that.
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Once upon an evening dreary, while I lurked weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten posts,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a bitching,
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`'Tis JasonTerror,' I muttered, `bitching at my chamber door -
Only this, and nothing more.'
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Unread 08-29-2012, 06:17 PM   #3849
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Originally Posted by The Hag View Post
Maybe send her a token, or a letter. Tell her that when she starts feeling insecure to look at it and remember all the things you told her about how you feel.
i have many time, last december i sent her some roses and i have got her many other gifts of that manner that she likes.
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Unread 08-29-2012, 06:19 PM   #3850
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Originally Posted by Kildread View Post
That's distance and paranoia acting up, she has no idea other than your words about what you're up to when you aren't in contact with her. The words don't stick and (frankly) they might never will. I don't know what you call "settled", but those issues rarely get settled by a single talk, it tends to take more than that. She has to make the conscious decision to trust you --- even if it means exposing herself to the possibility of what she fears, that you're really just looking elsewhere all this time.

Like The Hag says, only you can decide when it's enough. The thing about relations is that it's dependent on mutual trust and it's really easy to get swept up in what your mind whispers to you. She might need to trust you more and you can help with that by setting time apart for her. Send something *physical* she can keep around, some folks deal with distance better with reminders that you're thinking of them.
she and i have been trying to do that, she just does not want to lose me.
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Unread 08-29-2012, 06:19 PM   #3851
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Originally Posted by SpazItUp View Post
Sadly it is common but it's not right. I was in a relationship with a guy who told me not to be friends with a guy who was single and he didn't know. And that was all sorts of fucked up and wrong. That relationship ended quickly, after that.
Didn't mean it was a frequent thing because one side requests it, it's sometimes more of a conscious/subconscious decision to lessen/stop contact.

Controlling your SO about it certainly isn't a good thing, *but* (There's always butts(sic)), the controlling part sometimes comes from us.
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Unread 08-29-2012, 06:23 PM   #3852
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Originally Posted by kuroki-neko View Post
she just does not want to lose me.
She's got a funny way of showing it.
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Unread 08-29-2012, 06:27 PM   #3853
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She's got a funny way of showing it.
Agreed, it feels like behavior someone does when their SO is drifting away or they already cut off the link.
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Unread 08-29-2012, 06:31 PM   #3854
kuroki-neko
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Originally Posted by sam vimes View Post
She's got a funny way of showing it.
yea its sort of like this


or this



and she says im the one pushing her away
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Unread 08-29-2012, 06:33 PM   #3855
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Originally Posted by Kildread View Post
Didn't mean it was a frequent thing because one side requests it, it's sometimes more of a conscious/subconscious decision to lessen/stop contact.

Controlling your SO about it certainly isn't a good thing, *but* (There's always butts(sic)), the controlling part sometimes comes from us.
The way I see it is if you think you can't be in contact with people of the opposite sex or you SO asks you not to be I think it's not fair to either way. Even if it's your choice on one side.
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Originally Posted by Lithium Flower View Post
Once upon an evening dreary, while I lurked weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten posts,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a bitching,
As of some one gently pitching, bitching at my chamber door.
`'Tis JasonTerror,' I muttered, `bitching at my chamber door -
Only this, and nothing more.'
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