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Unread 05-29-2013, 09:47 PM   #5791
ShinobiXikyu
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Speaking from experience (I dated a 20 year old when I was sixteen and a 22-year old when I was seventeen- the first one managed six months and it was mostly during summer, and the second about three), that's really not an age gap that's going to be workable in the long run. When you're still going through school, especially if it's a huge difference between high school versus college or school of any sort versus being done for good and now working, the differences in schedules, life experience, obligations and age/maturity are usually just too great for it to work out in the long term as a romantic relationship. Plus maturity levels tend to be vastly different in those few short years. If you were say, 21 and he was 27, or any other older age group, or say, 13 and 17, things could possibly be fine because you'd still mostly be on the same level or what you've done and experienced and learned at that age. But teens and tweens? It just doesn't work.
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Unread 05-29-2013, 10:09 PM   #5792
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Originally Posted by Lithium Flower View Post
So what you're saying is Kris isn't your friend he's just an asshole that started following you around?

Yeah sounds about right.
That's one way of putting it.

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Hmm...how old were you and your boyfriend when you started going out?
When we went on our first date, I was 16 and he was 22. When we became official, it was few weeks before his 23rd birthday.

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That's kind of a big age gap for how old you are. If he was 30 and you were 23, I don't think it'd be as bad, but you're in different places in life and it's a bit suspect that a guy that old wants to date somebody so young, to be totally frank with you.
I can understand your concern, as a lot of times cases like this are more than a bit suspicious. But don't worry, he's proven time and again that he is a true gentleman and genuinely cares about me. For example, when I told him that I would have sex with him if he wanted to, (I'm a virgin) he said he'd turn down that offer not just because of my age, but also because he feels from his past experiences that he's no good in bed and doesn't want my first time to suck.

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Speaking from experience (I dated a 20 year old when I was sixteen and a 22-year old when I was seventeen- the first one managed six months and it was mostly during summer, and the second about three), that's really not an age gap that's going to be workable in the long run. When you're still going through school, especially if it's a huge difference between high school versus college or school of any sort versus being done for good and now working, the differences in schedules, life experience, obligations and age/maturity are usually just too great for it to work out in the long term as a romantic relationship. Plus maturity levels tend to be vastly different in those few short years. If you were say, 21 and he was 27, or any other older age group, or say, 13 and 17, things could possibly be fine because you'd still mostly be on the same level or what you've done and experienced and learned at that age. But teens and tweens? It just doesn't work.
My ex will be turning 20 this year. We dated for 1 1/2 years and were in love with each other, but I started losing my feelings for my ex, getting feelings for Jack, and then I realized how much of a manchild my ex was. I am also quite mature for my age. (This is one of the things Jack loves about me, according to him I act much more like a college student than a high school student. This plus my appearance made him think for a few months after we met that I was actually in my early 20's as well.) I am also no longer attracted to high school-age guys because the single ones in my school are so immature and drive me insane.

We always make time for each other online, just seeing each other in person is the hard part. Distance, plus lack of transportation is our problem. (I have my own car...but it's an old deathtrap that's falling apart and doesn't pass regulations, so I have no license yet. He takes public transportation everywhere so he never really had the need for a car. There is almost no public transportation out where I live, which is about 40 miles away from him.)
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Unread 05-29-2013, 10:24 PM   #5793
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Well, no offense meant, but I'm not really sure what a 16-year-old who lives with her mom (parents?) has going on with her life that should be interesting to a 23-year-old dude. At 16 I was watching anime, fighting with my mom, and trying not to fail trig. At 23, I was a published comic book artist with a degree who wrote English adaptations for manga and taught people how to ride motorcycles on the weekends. Like, you go through a lot of changes between those years since it's a highly transitive period of life. Unless he is really immature or you have already lived a hugely full life, it just doesn't strike me as a good idea.

And I say this as somebody whose SO is 6.5 years younger, but we're both in the same place in life maturity-wise and life-experience-wise. (also we're both adults and were adults when we met)
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Unread 05-29-2013, 10:30 PM   #5794
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I think there are plenty of valid reasons to question the intentions of an adult man wanting to date an underage girl.

Can we keep that tired old "WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE WE HIKED 50 MILES IN THE SNOW TO BUY MILK." shit out of it? Kthnz.
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Unread 05-29-2013, 10:49 PM   #5795
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Can we keep that tired old "WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE WE HIKED 50 MILES IN THE SNOW TO BUY MILK." shit out of it? Kthnz.
Yeah, because it's different for everyone. My life at age 16 and 23 wasn't all that different.
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Unread 05-29-2013, 10:58 PM   #5796
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That wasn't my intention in saying the above. I apologize if I offended you. I was just saying that a lot about a person can change in six years. If you would have told me at 23 I would be doing what I am now at 31 (which is related to none of the above), I also wouldn't have particularly believed you. Rarely does life take an expected path. When I was 16, I also promised myself that I'd commit suicide on my 18th birthday, which clearly didn't happen, either. What changed between 16 and 18? Who the hell knows, but I'm glad it did. The only constant is change itself, really.
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Unread 05-29-2013, 11:14 PM   #5797
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That wasn't my intention in saying the above. I apologize if I offended you. I was just saying that a lot about a person can change in six years. If you would have told me at 23 I would be doing what I am now at 31 (which is related to none of the above), I also wouldn't have particularly believed you. Rarely does life take an expected path. When I was 16, I also promised myself that I'd commit suicide on my 18th birthday, which clearly didn't happen, either. What changed between 16 and 18? Who the hell knows, but I'm glad it did. The only constant is change itself, really.
You sound like an old man, but you look like you're just breaking 18.

....

Joke aside, I agree with everything you said --- My life at 23 was much different than my life at now 30 and I couldn't really explain in detail what lead to it other than opportunity and circumstance :/
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Unread 05-29-2013, 11:29 PM   #5798
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My husband's 6 years older than me so there's quite a few "when I was your age..." discussions. He says I'm always making him feel old.
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Unread 05-29-2013, 11:32 PM   #5799
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Naw it's fine, but that whole "When I was your age all I did was play in the mud and be a nerd!" kinda line ends up sounding condescending.

Not that you where being condescending.

But it ends up sounding like it.

@Kaori: Brando is 5 years older then me. I am 23 and he's 28. His birthday is July 17th and mine is the 25th. Birthdays are super easy
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Unread 05-29-2013, 11:39 PM   #5800
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His birthday just passed. It's on May 5th. Mine's on July 10th.
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Unread 05-29-2013, 11:56 PM   #5801
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My view on relationships is simple

don't
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While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a bitching,
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`'Tis JasonTerror,' I muttered, `bitching at my chamber door -
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Unread 05-30-2013, 12:12 AM   #5802
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My girlfriend's and my birthdays occur about as close to exactly six months apart as you're going to get on accident.

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My view on relationships is simple

don't
I would have agreed strongly up until about a year ago.
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Unread 05-30-2013, 12:19 AM   #5803
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I'm so seriously glad my year in Honors Biology is almost over. I only have to take the fetal pig practical tomorrow and then the final. This year has sucked so badly due to this one class. I am so over her class and this practical has pushed me over the edge. How the hell does she expect a bunch of high schoolers to remember 11 parts of the oral cavity, 10 parts of the inside of the neck, 6 parts of the respiratory system, 26 parts of the cardiovascular system, 19 parts of the digestive system, 10 vascular structures, the retroperitoneal structures, and last but certainly not least identification of the separate genital systems??? I am far beyond pissed. She insistently treats us like far advanced students in college, while all we are are sophomores and freshmen in high school. Holy hell I wish to shoot something. Her expectations are ridiculous and honestly I know I can't live up to them.
EDIT: Almost forgot the most delightful part! All of these separate parts have to be spelled correctly. I'm betting you all would love to see the wonderfully horrific expression on my face.
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Unread 05-30-2013, 12:22 AM   #5804
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I would have agreed strongly up until about a year ago.
Same.
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Unread 05-30-2013, 12:27 AM   #5805
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I have no reason to believe in anything more meaningful than sex as of late.
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Once upon an evening dreary, while I lurked weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten posts,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a bitching,
As of some one gently pitching, bitching at my chamber door.
`'Tis JasonTerror,' I muttered, `bitching at my chamber door -
Only this, and nothing more.'
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