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Unread 11-06-2013, 10:52 PM   #6601
Ilafatyu
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I attend Kung Fu classes Monday through Thursday. There are extra training sessions on Friday, nothing formal, just casual classes to perfect what we've got. I attend them. I practice on my own every day, before class, after class, and on weekends. I put forward everything I can every class to the point where I almost pass out because I don't want to back down. I help out with kids classes, doing the best I can considering I suck with children and any sort of leadership position. I stock the water cooler, I vacuum the floors, I take pictures for the website, I make small talk with parents. My cousin, sifu's son, started training two months before me, and I'm about at his level after 3 weeks. I have bruises on my bruises from training blocks, my hands hurt like hell from the sandbag work he has us doing every class (winter is coming, so add that to regular joint seasonal joint pain). I'm still sick and underweight and he knows it, but I'm giving it everything I have.

Today I was lectured for not being serious enough.
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Unread 11-07-2013, 08:34 AM   #6602
Lithium Flower
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Clementine View Post
I know it's completely fair, which is why I'm disappointed in myself for not being able to get my shit together. I manage to get to work not only on time but 10-15 minutes early every shift, but it's like my brain has subconsciously demoted school in level of importance and I just can't seem to have any sense of urgency to get there early. If only I had an enemy greater than my apathy.
I am with you on that bro.

Once something is filed away as being 'not that important bro' it's very difficult to get the energy up to care. I think for folks like you and I who struggle with dividing our energy across many responsibilities it's better to take on a smaller amount to start with. If we know that we're working on less energy then others might we end up more successful to just cut things down at the beginning.

It might take you longer to graduate if you cut a class but you'll be more successful with the one's your taking and you can delegate the 'care about stuff' gland easier.
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Unread 11-07-2013, 05:33 PM   #6603
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Ok, my turn...

It seems in Spain few people know what it means to be shy and socially awkward. One of my teachers just loves to bring it up how I "don't talk", even though I call her and ask questions and advice whenever I need to. She also makes jokes with the rest of the class, like "You're not going to ever call me by the nickname I don't like because, well, you never talk". And the others say things like "Yeah, and even if you did, nobody would hear you". Look, I have a hard enough time feeling like an idiot every time I say anything, I have pronunciation problems, and I get very uncomfortable every time I have to talk, and think long and hard and plan every word beforehand... And pretty damn near start to cry when people pressure me enough.

The secretary there thinks I have problems solely because I should practice my Spanish more. But at least one of my teachers is understanding...

I'm just not the kind of person who talks a lot and they find that somehow so unbelievable. Make me feel like shit for it, okay. I don't already have enough problems with social anxiety. Haha.
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Unread 11-07-2013, 05:50 PM   #6604
Lithium Flower
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Viveeh View Post
Ok, my turn...

It seems in Spain few people know what it means to be shy and socially awkward. One of my teachers just loves to bring it up how I "don't talk", even though I call her and ask questions and advice whenever I need to. She also makes jokes with the rest of the class, like "You're not going to ever call me by the nickname I don't like because, well, you never talk". And the others say things like "Yeah, and even if you did, nobody would hear you". Look, I have a hard enough time feeling like an idiot every time I say anything, I have pronunciation problems, and I get very uncomfortable every time I have to talk, and think long and hard and plan every word beforehand... And pretty damn near start to cry when people pressure me enough.

The secretary there thinks I have problems solely because I should practice my Spanish more. But at least one of my teachers is understanding...

I'm just not the kind of person who talks a lot and they find that somehow so unbelievable. Make me feel like shit for it, okay. I don't already have enough problems with social anxiety. Haha.
Your teacher is a dick hole.
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Unread 11-08-2013, 12:02 AM   #6605
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Continuation of this situation.

I finally told that girl off. She tried to make it seem that the post accusing me of manipulating people was just a general post and not about me. But I'm not really buying it. Right after the fight happened she reblogged a "frustration over people who miss the point" post and considering the timing, she found and reblogged that because of me. So, yeah I still think she was talking about me in the "manipulating people with suicide threats." Especially considering she knew I was being suicidal over the fight and she outright refused to talk about the situation and work it out. She did call the fight stupid and not serious but really if you learned someone was considering suicide because of "stupid things you said" wouldn't you at the very least apologize?

I told her roommate, who I still consider a friend at this time, that I'm not sure how we can continue our friendship when she is doing this and that I may have to file cyberbullying charges against her.
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Unread 11-09-2013, 06:18 PM   #6606
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My brother opened my shoe package without my permission. He does that a lot. He's 22, BTW; we're twins (I'm older). It really pisses me off because then he treats me like he's a long suffering boyfriend or husband and complains about me spending money that I've earned. I may not have a job until January but if I can get some extra money to pay for my hobbies or for food when family's away then hell yeah. They were $10 a pair and they can double as everyday shoes or cosplay shoes, assuming they're good. Shut the fuck up, okay?! ><
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Unread 11-09-2013, 07:17 PM   #6607
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Viveeh View Post
Ok, my turn...

It seems in Spain few people know what it means to be shy and socially awkward. One of my teachers just loves to bring it up how I "don't talk", even though I call her and ask questions and advice whenever I need to. She also makes jokes with the rest of the class, like "You're not going to ever call me by the nickname I don't like because, well, you never talk". And the others say things like "Yeah, and even if you did, nobody would hear you". Look, I have a hard enough time feeling like an idiot every time I say anything, I have pronunciation problems, and I get very uncomfortable every time I have to talk, and think long and hard and plan every word beforehand... And pretty damn near start to cry when people pressure me enough.

The secretary there thinks I have problems solely because I should practice my Spanish more. But at least one of my teachers is understanding...

I'm just not the kind of person who talks a lot and they find that somehow so unbelievable. Make me feel like shit for it, okay. I don't already have enough problems with social anxiety. Haha.
OMG! This is me as well!

I have always been a quiet person (i really only talk a lot when i have something worth while to talk about) My entire life i always get comments of how quite i am, to "be quiet" as a joke because i haven't said anything. to quite being so loud, again as sarcasm and a joke. People mock me for not being outspoken, and louder. People love to make fun and make my life miserable because i am not as loud as other people. * am exactly how i am supposed to be thank you very much! jerks!)

Even at work, where i consider it a place to be professional and well behaved. I have had my Manager (a manager of all people, someone who is in a position of leadership, and someone who should know better) while i am speaking, and reporting for my job, he interrupts me very loudly that one one can hear me, i am to quite (i was not i was plenty loud) and as i continue after his rude outburst and mocking that i am "quitet as a mouse all the time, and never talk" He decides to interrupt after ever sentence i say and repeat it loud enough that people in the back of the store could probably hear him...

every time someone feels the need to mock and make fun of me because i am quiet it does a number on my self esteem, which i have worked extremely hard to improve. it has taken years and years for me to even be able to socialize a little bit let along speak in front of people. And to have people do this to me constantly really wears me down. Like all of this work i have done to improve myself to be more accepted into the world is for nothing because no matter how hard i try there will always be that someone who has to make a cruel comment about me as a person. Every comment like that is a personal attack and hurts every time.
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Unread 11-09-2013, 10:21 PM   #6608
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I've had this god-awful headache for 3 days. I take pain pills for it, and all it does is bring it down to a dull throb. I'm pretty sure it's a tension headache, and I'm trying to relax, but nothing is working.

I have a paid sewing project I should be working on, but because of my headache, I'm having a hard time forcing myself to get up and do something with it and I need it done by Friday.

And of course I'm having my usual stupid feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem and seeing people do stuff and knowing I'll never be as good as them, and even though people tell me I'm good at something, I don't believe them. I'm frigging 30. I shouldn't be feeling like this.
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Unread 11-09-2013, 11:18 PM   #6609
Ilafatyu
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There is an individual on this forum that I hate. This individual never fails to post something so innocently enraging, repetitive, so unabashedly and irritatingly stupid-- Guh. There's no way to finish that sentence without involving threats of bodily harm. Yes, I know you think you look like your character, I got that after the hundredth repetition. You fucking don't. And your hair is dumb. God dammit.
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Unread 11-09-2013, 11:26 PM   #6610
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I ignored a pet-grief trigger and now I'm crying over my cat who died in 2010 (I had him for seventeen years, since I was three)... this sucks. Even after seeing a Wiccan priestess who had considerable experience with pet loss and getting closure for it (especially since he died, sick, while I was away, which made me feel so much worse than if I'd been there), having a funeral for him, going through the "stages of grief" and it happening over three years ago, sometimes I just miss my first pet so fucking much. I can only hope he's happily mousing and tipping over trash cans at the rainbow bridge.
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Unread 11-11-2013, 09:18 AM   #6611
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I'm a tad annoyed at the fact that I haven't really gotten my shit together. I dropped out of college (theatre production) last December because I wasn't really learning anything new and my program heads got together and encouraged me to do so because I apparently didn't work well with my crew because one second year freaked at me while I was doing my work and I told her off for it (it was simply a way I was pinning and sewing an apron for this one show). Before that incident, they were actually saying how I could possibly be elected as the head of the wardrobe crew the very next year (it was a two year program), but after that they weren't going to give me a leadership position at all. Frig. So I dropped out because I didn't want to deal with those condescending people.

Also, I've lost almost all of the jobs I've had this year. One time due to personal injury, once when I was /this/ close to finishing my 3-month probation as a florist (BEST job I ever had, I loved it so much. Unfortunately my boss thought I wasn't really cut out for the job although I always got to work early, showed up happy and loved to learn about all the different types of flowers as well as dealing with customers), and the rest because my contract was up. And now I can't get a job, which makes me feel almost worthless. My dad's threatened to kick me out of the house if I don't get one soon, even though I've applied just about everywhere in my city (I'm turning 20 this week, so I believe it's still reasonable for me to be living at home)... I don't think he understands just how hard it is to find a job nowadays, even if you have a university/college education. And what makes me feel really bad is that one of my best friends applied for the same warehouse job as I did, but of course not at the same time (contract work for three months at HomeSense) and got the job even though she has /no/ job experience at all and I have worked in the trades, factories, warehouses, and retail. But what really hurts is that she turned down the job because she's working at some high-end clothing store now even though she's a full-time student, and I've been searching for a job for MONTHS and I'm practically free 24/7.

I just wish my life had some sort of purpose. :/ At least my dad thinks that my new idea to go to school to become a landscaping technician is a good one, even though I really wanted to go to school for fashion and design yet he yelled at me and told me I'm not going to do that. ): Seriously, after years of telling me I can do anything I want as a career, I don't think he has a say in where I go to school. Rant over. D:
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Unread 11-17-2013, 01:22 PM   #6612
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Seriously... FUCK OREIMO!!!

I never wanted a canon couple in the show and then... There goes Kyosuke and Kuroneko! Romance hurts me, seeing couples in anime hurts me like in real life! Canon couples hurt me! I want nothing with this FUCKING anime anymore!!!

I'm seriourly afraid to see the same in Pokťmon this new season.
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Unread 11-18-2013, 02:17 AM   #6613
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currently trying to talk a tumblr friend out of her future suicide plan.
she's going through a lot what I've gone through so I'm doing my best to tell her what I've learned and even sent a link to a list of professional help hotlines. I'm terrified though, that I might have said something wrong and she might hurt herself.
I don't want to live with the guilt of that
it's also late and I need to go to bed, but I don't want to abandoned her.
fuck, I just wanted to sit a try out this new video editing program for making AMVs.
And I know when people tried to give me advice when I was depressed I brushed them off, but still
I'm worried

Update
Well I told her to try and find one good trait about herself even if it's tiny and to get some sleep. Hopefully she'll think about what I said
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Unread 11-18-2013, 11:05 AM   #6614
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My vent~

I hate it when people act like I owe them something when they're just random people online. I feel like because I cosplay characters and put up with their hooting and howling at me, that they think that gives them a right to control my hobby. Mostly people on Deviantart make me feel like a piece of meat and I'm tired of it.

#Endrant
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Unread 11-18-2013, 03:26 PM   #6615
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ShinobiXikyu View Post
I ignored a pet-grief trigger and now I'm crying over my cat who died in 2010 (I had him for seventeen years, since I was three)... this sucks. Even after seeing a Wiccan priestess who had considerable experience with pet loss and getting closure for it (especially since he died, sick, while I was away, which made me feel so much worse than if I'd been there), having a funeral for him, going through the "stages of grief" and it happening over three years ago, sometimes I just miss my first pet so fucking much. I can only hope he's happily mousing and tipping over trash cans at the rainbow bridge.
My dog Ben died in 2008 and I still sometimes cry over his loss. And the loss of other pets, and of family members, but for some reason Ben's loss hit me especially hard. So I can understand, to say the least. I don't know that it's necessarily routine, but it's far from unheard-of to have such an extended grieving period for a pet.

So there's a spot in our bathroom right in front of the sink where the floor tiles keep popping out. Surely some moisture has gotten in there and is dissolving the grout. Not a big deal, I have all the original tiles and very few are broken so I could really just stick them back in myself... except someone decided it was a great idea to lay a new tile floor over an existing tile floor. Why would you do that?
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