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Unread 12-04-2011, 10:15 AM   #61
BassPlayerNinja
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Quote:
Originally Posted by .PapercutSenvy. View Post
I'm trying not to think about it, it's just...hard to. *hugs*


The first part is actually what I'm afraid of and why I feel so horrible over it. I know I've let people use me like a toy, hell, ever since I started school, and now that I've realized what was going on, I've tried to change. She was the one who wouldn't mind; any others would immediately call me a b!tch. After all that rant, when I felt she frankly was just treating me like a toy again, used when it's convenient and told I'm special, then thrown away, I just kind of...snapped.
I can't feel like there will be others, or anyone who is better...Partially because of my mom telling me I can kill myself for my sexuality and all she would say is 'Poor girl, she's going to Hell.', and partially because through all of my life, I've never felt good enough for anything, and now the landmine for love has been stepped on..I've never been a very 'loved' person, and I just don't see it changing soon.
Apparently, We need to text about some things, hon!
I know it's been rough with you and her, but I think it's very immature how she's treating you, and how you keep spilling out all your feelings. We've known each other for a good bit, and I really don't know if you actually 'love' her. Remember that 'love' is a VERY powerful word. If she keeps acting like that, and you react like that, I highly doubt you guys a ready for a relationship.
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Unread 12-04-2011, 11:55 AM   #62
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Bluh bluh depression bluh.

People keep telling me to just find a job so I can spend money again, but... I was troubled by my depression even when I had a stable job and a ton of money to spend. Wish my therapist would just prescribe me a load of medicine or get me in an institution instead of going 'lol lets try this first'.

I keep switching between wanting to try and giving up and it's driving me up the wall. The good news is that I'm currently at 'wanting to try', the bad news is that 'giving up' is becoming a whole lot more aggressive inside of me...
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Unread 12-04-2011, 03:23 PM   #63
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Papercut, I'm sorry your mom is treating you that way. No child should ever have to hear such terrible things from their own parent.
Although my mom seems to like threatening to throw me out of the house for every trifling infraction. Today she was on a tear over dishes in the kitchen sink..Which as far as I know, were not even mine. I put mine in the dishwasher. Only thing I can think of is that I might have forgotten something that was under the dishrack in the second sink. Yeah, what a lovely reason to throw somebody out into the street. I'm getting fucking tired of being threatened with homelessness over every trifling thing, but I can't afford to move out. My job pays shit, and the hours can be downright irregular if I don't have a permanent jobsite.
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Unread 12-04-2011, 05:41 PM   #64
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mulot Dakrat View Post
Bluh bluh depression bluh.

People keep telling me to just find a job so I can spend money again, but... I was troubled by my depression even when I had a stable job and a ton of money to spend. Wish my therapist would just prescribe me a load of medicine or get me in an institution instead of going 'lol lets try this first'.

I keep switching between wanting to try and giving up and it's driving me up the wall. The good news is that I'm currently at 'wanting to try', the bad news is that 'giving up' is becoming a whole lot more aggressive inside of me...
Maybe you could explain this to him/her and ask him/her about prescribing you something? I know that nothing helped my depression except medication, and it might be the same for you.
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Unread 12-04-2011, 09:09 PM   #65
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I've been re-thinking most of my life. I feel like a selfish, lazy, no-good, unsuccessful bitch. Why? Well, I plan on a career in art. I constantly think my art sucks. So yeah. And my friends who claim their own art sucks are trying to give me pointers.

I've always been a bit lazy, but my mom will constantly yell at me for not doing something. If she asks me to do it, I will do it. But I know she's been stressed, I don't know what over. But if people are upset with me, I'm usually upset with myself. I also feel like the worst person on the face of planet Earth at times, but, at other times, I feel like I'm better than everyone. And I'm jealous of people who are more successful than me, especially in my school. For example, someone wrote a book. I read a bit, and disliked it. But it's popular, at least in the town. I feel like if I can't get recognized, famous, rich, etc, I'm a complete and utter failure.

We're going through a bit of financial trouble. My mom said I'll be lucky if I get 250 dollars of stuff during Christmas. Now, of course, I got pissed. Didn't show it, but got pissed. And I feel terrible for it. I played the blame game, and placed it on my dad not getting a better job, my mom having the new baby, and not being able to continue to work, and the baby for even existing. It's like I'm just this horrible person.

I hate school in general. Too much work, too little time. Kids in my school don't take anything seriously, so if I need help, I have to ditch all of my pride, and ask a teacher. Why am I ditching my pride? Because I'm supposed to be the smart kid. The kids at my school think that, the teachers think that, my parents think that. I don't. People also think I'm weird for liking anime, and singing songs they don't know. I do occasionally snap at people because they say this. As for friends, I feel they don't really care anymore. I've also come out as Bisexual at school, and most kids aren't really passing it around. But the few that have heard, well, they like me less. And if I talk to any of my teachers about this... they won't help. When I get upset, I break down crying, and I can't speak. Counselor is like, "lol it's just a phase, kids can't get stressed."

I've also been re-thinking my religion. My grandmother is Catholic, and we never got along well. When I turned around eleven, I stopped going to church. Which pissed Grandmother off.
Then I just randomly thought. "Y'know, I don't really like everything the bible says. I'mma just be without a label, but still be Christian." Now it's all. "The bible is so unbeliviable. But the thought of nowhere to go after death scares me..." So I'm confused with religion too. And if I told anyone of my religious views... I don't want to think about it.

I am suicidal, and I've attempted, but stopped before I did any real physical damage. But that doesn't erase the feeling the world would be better off without me.
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Unread 12-04-2011, 09:16 PM   #66
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Quote:
Originally Posted by .PapercutSenvy. View Post
I'm trying not to think about it, it's just...hard to. *hugs*


The first part is actually what I'm afraid of and why I feel so horrible over it. I know I've let people use me like a toy, hell, ever since I started school, and now that I've realized what was going on, I've tried to change. She was the one who wouldn't mind; any others would immediately call me a b!tch. After all that rant, when I felt she frankly was just treating me like a toy again, used when it's convenient and told I'm special, then thrown away, I just kind of...snapped.
I can't feel like there will be others, or anyone who is better...Partially because of my mom telling me I can kill myself for my sexuality and all she would say is 'Poor girl, she's going to Hell.', and partially because through all of my life, I've never felt good enough for anything, and now the landmine for love has been stepped on..I've never been a very 'loved' person, and I just don't see it changing soon.
Suicide is never the answer. Take it from someone who has been through that. When my boyfriend of three years broke up with me I thought I'd die. But I realized NO ONE is worth taking my life over NO ONE is worth throwing away opportunities and hurting others who care about you. Your mother may be a jerk but there are plenty who care about your well being, namely a lot of us on coscom.
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Unread 12-05-2011, 03:55 PM   #67
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Originally Posted by SapphireChaos View Post
Maybe you could explain this to him/her and ask him/her about prescribing you something? I know that nothing helped my depression except medication, and it might be the same for you.
I'll try and ask next time when I visit them... though I tried some no prescription herbal medicine today and I have to say, everything already looks a lot sunnier. If my mood stays this way, it'll be a lot easier for me to process things and learn to release proper emotions and habits towards certain experiences.

-----

On the subject of depression though, I really want to smack people who use mental disorders and diseases as a means of getting attention when they've got nothing wrong with them or they just happen to suffer from one thing at one time (ie being sad once - omg I'm bipolar/depressed/suicidal).

It just... boggles my mind. Do you think your personality is that awful that you have to make up things to have people like you or treat you better? Not only that, but people who actually suffer from those diseases or disorders can end up not getting treated or diagnosed for years because either they're too scared to be seen as attention seekers or the doctors don't take them seriously.

Then there's the group of people that make up disorders/diseases for their lack of social skills (or, more specifically, to make up for being a jerk)... Giiirl you do not go ahead and insult the daylight out of people and then back up and go 'oh I'm sorry I didn't mean it I've got Aspergers whenever it's convenient to me' or steal people's food and go 'oh lol but I've got this disease and I have to eat or else I'll pass out' when you get caught.

Same goes for faking anything, by the by, disorders/diseases are just much closer to the heart with me. Pretending to be a different gender, pretending to be from a different country, pretending to be born into a wealthy family... people are (or should be) liked because of their personality and faking things from the start is just going to lead to disaster when people find out you've been lying to them all along.

Tl;dr: don't be a faker, it ain't classy, just get attention by being yourself instead of pissing on the parades of people who may need specific attention.

If I've got the 'parades' saying wrong, I'm sorry, could someone inform me of a better way of wording it? Not English and I want to improve.
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Unread 12-05-2011, 08:37 PM   #68
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I am so ready to give up on school. I hate it so much. And when I think of going to college next year I get even more ticked-off because I know it's going to be even harder. I'm sick and tired of being the perfect, straight-A student all the time. It's killing me! I don't need an education; I could always just marry a rich guy, right? XP
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Unread 12-05-2011, 08:52 PM   #69
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SapphireChaos View Post
I am so ready to give up on school. I hate it so much. And when I think of going to college next year I get even more ticked-off because I know it's going to be even harder. I'm sick and tired of being the perfect, straight-A student all the time. It's killing me! I don't need an education; I could always just marry a rich guy, right? XP
Well if you don't wanna go to collage you don't have to, but you should still atleast get your high school education. You don't have to stress over being perfect, and there's nothing wrong wit the occasional Bs along side those As.

Meh rant/vent <,< >,> so my mom told me the other day that I need to think as if anyone anywhere could try and harm me or kill me .... Then she wonders why I have no friends, and why I hate going out. I'm pretty sure hearing that almost gave me an anxiety attack the other day and I've never really been THAT overtly anxious -_- I know that hearing these things for so many years puts it as a constant thought in my mind(sometimes to where I feel like someones gonna bust through my window at night and try and violate me) that almost goes to the extent of paranoia. Although sometimes I'm not as bad as other times. It may sound like an angsty teen or something but I pretty much deal wit all this by adopting an apathetic mindset.

Quote:
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I'm considering going into fashion design as a career, but I'm not sure if I can make a living off of it, given that my tastes (and designs) are not strictly mainstream.
Dang your having that problem too? I guess not only my fashion senses are too eccentric to conform.

Quote:
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My psychology teacher is getting on my nerves. I am a Christian and he is an atheist. I'm usually like "Don't push your beliefs on me and I won't push mine on you." And I don't care if he brings up a debate on it if it applies to our discussion, but lately he stats bringing up how God doesn't really exist even when it has NOTHING to do with the lesson. I wish he could just stick to the lesson and not bring faiths into a lesson that has nothing to do with it. Also, he won't even give people a CHANCE to argue their views.
Sounds like a butthurt athiest who grew up in a christian home and pretty much despises all that is christian and finds the need to down it all. Although if he's bothering you THAT much that particular maybe you should try to go to the higher sources because he's supposed ta be an educator and he really shouldn't be doing that. I had a similar issue in high school wit a certain teacher but even he wasn't as bad as what your describing right now.
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Last edited by fujyoshi : 12-05-2011 at 08:57 PM.
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Unread 12-08-2011, 01:31 PM   #70
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urggg every monkey farming time!! whenever my mother is about to help me with something at work or at home one of her stupid sister allways calls her on her cell and then she goes away for 15-20 mins so my mood for doing whatever i needed her help with is gone and i have to do whatever i had to do dry
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Unread 12-10-2011, 12:06 AM   #71
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Like someone mentioned, final exams. Although the only one I really have to complain about is History. Self-defense is a take-home final and drawing is a short reflection paper. I have to do well on the final because I scored badly on the last test because my essays weren't detailed enough. The essay questions on these are super broad and I have to write something incredibly long for them. Not to mention I missed a week of class as I was in Italy. I don't have a good grasp of what was covered during that time.
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Unread 12-10-2011, 12:26 AM   #72
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I'm REALLY starting to give up on the Hetalia fandom and just quietly enjoying the anime/manga by myself...I told this person on tumblr I've been into it for a couple of years and I really liked Italy/Germany and they just went off on me! >: O Like, I was bum-rushed by several people why my pairing wasn't canon or some stupid shit.
You dumb-ass Germany proposed to Italy with a tomato shaped ring goddammit, just because Italy got confused- my precious idiot- doesn't mean it didn't happen! DX Not canon my ass.
I know sane fans are out there but for the life of me I can't find them...I think I'm just unlucky or something.
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Unread 12-10-2011, 04:59 AM   #73
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Selfish people. I can't stand it. I have been so fortunate and blessed with the things I have been given...the opportunities I have had, etc. I am not ungrateful for it, ever. I was never rich, but I was given anything I wanted/needed (within reason). I realize now, even more than before, after meeting my boyfriend nearly three years ago just how fortunate I really am. Has anyone ever been poor? I sure haven't. I can't even fathom. He has been...he'd go to school hungry, without clothes that fit, shoes that he would tape together so his mom did not have to buy new ones for him. His mom and his brother was all he had. One meal a day was dinner, but it might consist of two pieces of bread with just a little peanut butter on it. My family, much like others, are going through financial troubles, but I am just thankful I can go see my parents on Christmas. I don't care about the presents, the money spent...I can't even think of something I really need or want since I have all I could ever need, but I get really tired of hearing about spoiled brats. My mom grew up poor...one Christmas, the few presents her parents could afford for her and her brother...were stolen that morning. Thank goodness they weren't hurt, but they did not get anything that year for Christmas. When they were driving to church, they saw some of the gifts broken on the side of the road.

FYI: This post is at no one in general...though it has been brought upon by my brother who is babied to death even at the age of 30, and he's ungrateful for everything our parents have given us. I find it hard to empathize with him because he's thrown his life away, blown most of my dad's money to buy things he WANTS, not needs, and just ungrateful to everyone who has done anything for him. He won't take responsibility for anything. It's stressing my parents out so bad...I'm terrified my dad will have a heart attack since he's so susceptible to them.

It breaks my heart to think that people can be so greedy. Many people do not even get a single gift on the holidays...they cannot afford even food. I just wish people were more giving...year around, not specifically this time of year. Boo, now I've made myself sad thinking about all the unfortunate children. I wish I had enough money to buy them all at least one present they have really been wanting. I really want to be Santa Claus, lol.
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Unread 12-10-2011, 06:11 AM   #74
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:< my husband is gone till june and as such my career is starting to suffer. hes all I got in the world and in my industry I have to be on top of my game to make it....my co workers are noticing how upset I am, my boss has told me twice now to get over it but I just cant, and Im really worried Ill get fired I cant afford to lose this job, not after how hard I worked to get it...
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Unread 12-10-2011, 08:15 AM   #75
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stina006 View Post
I'm REALLY starting to give up on the Hetalia fandom and just quietly enjoying the anime/manga by myself...I told this person on tumblr I've been into it for a couple of years and I really liked Italy/Germany and they just went off on me! >: O Like, I was bum-rushed by several people why my pairing wasn't canon or some stupid shit.
You dumb-ass Germany proposed to Italy with a tomato shaped ring goddammit, just because Italy got confused- my precious idiot- doesn't mean it didn't happen! DX Not canon my ass.
I know sane fans are out there but for the life of me I can't find them...I think I'm just unlucky or something.
Gee whatever happened to just random shipping? I guess some fandoms don't work like that :O I know when it comes to Yu-Gi-Oh they pretty much ship it all ... Oh yea and tumblr is full 'a crap anyway there was a person that registered a year ago trying to pose as me posting some nonsense practically making me look bad and they won't even take it off despite that person being an idiotic troll because they believe in "freedom of speech". Then I said "well gee I'd watch that whole freedom of speech concept because some home grown terrorist could be planning another attack or to kill the president or some kinda crap and you people aren't doing anything about it". Now of course my situation is nothing compared to that but just the fact that it could get to that point and they would do nothing about it is not cool.
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