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Unread 07-18-2014, 10:59 PM   #1
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Dealing with self esteem issues

I am kind of freaking out and I need a pep talk. I have been working hard to lose weight since April and I am not seeing results in certain places as quickly as I would have hoped. I have lost 4 inches off of my hips (plus several inches off of other places), but I am still very pear shaped and I am panicking.

I am entering a Masquerade in a month and am terrified at the idea of standing up on a stage in front of hundreds of people and putting every part of me up for judgement. They will not care (nor will they know) that I have lost 30 pounds already. They will just judge me as I look right now.

I am not even considering dropping out of the competition because my husband and I have worked too hard on these costumes.

I really don't want to let this hold me back, but I am having a very hard time right now. How many others have felt the same way that I have? Any advice for getting over it?
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Unread 07-19-2014, 12:16 AM   #2
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First off you've dropped 30lbs so you kick ass. The fact that you've committed to this and stuck to your program is awesome. Don't think about the judges or the crowds. Screw them. Do it for all the hard work you put in cause you F***ing earned it.

Secondly, It's totally normal to have cold feet and worry about being judged. I felt the same way the first time I entered a gym and it kept me from going for a year. I spent my first year of my gym membership not using it but then I decided that I shouldn't care about what anyone thinks of my fitness level or appearance. I'm doing it for me and I know how hard I worked. You should feel the same way when you step on the stage. You know you worked hard losing weight, you worked hard on the costumes. So you should definitely have your head up high cause you know how hard you've worked and how awesome you are.

Anyway I hoped this helped and good luck in the Masquerade cause all the work you've put in already means you've won.

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Unread 07-19-2014, 12:56 AM   #3
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Most cosplayers aren't going to judge your weight because they know size doesn't matter, it's the quality of the costume that does. If you've done a good job, they'll be impressed.
And congrats on losing 30 pounds!
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Unread 07-19-2014, 09:30 AM   #4
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Congrats to both the weight loss and the making your costumes! Dont worry a bit about the masquerade. Every one I've been in has been very inclusive and supportive (including in the greenroom. When you have to sit for several hours it's worth it getting friendly with your denmates) and nobody is ever not applauded for going onstage unless they did something REALLY offensive (which is very rare)- it's a lot of work and time to do it and con-goers who watch it usually know it. Stage fright is totally normal- I love to perform, and I still need to take deep breaths and I exit stage with my legs shaking even when I nail my entry. But the audience really wants to see your gorgeous creation- show it off and they'll either love it and applaud, or appreciate the work you put into it and applaud. Even if you completely fuck up on stage, they'll still applaud because you did your best and got onstage. And I've seen lots of non-skinny cosplayers win awards, because it doesn't matter to the judges what body shape a well-made costume is on.
I dont like Lululemon in any way, but a phrase I've seen plastered on their merchandise comes to mind- "No matter how slow you think you're going, you're still beating everyone on the couch!"
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There is a vibe here that says "We're in this together! Through thick and thin fabric! Through cold water washes and burning hot irons! Though we might super glue ourselves to our projects, cut holes/gashes/oh-god-mom's-gonna-kill-me into the dining room table, we will stand strong together. Unless there is a 75% off sale at the Fabric store. Then you're on your own. And get the hell out of my way." <3
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Last edited by ShinobiXikyu : 07-19-2014 at 09:35 AM.
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Unread 07-19-2014, 12:03 PM   #5
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You will be just gorgeous, I promise. I used to be a ballet dancer and I absolutely hated performing. I was so scared of being judged too fat or not good enough. But you put so much work into that onstage moment. What helped me was really working on getting in the headspace of the character. It isn't you up there, it's the character. How would that character act up there? Practice mentally shifting into the character. One thing that really helps is to find a perfume you think embodies the character. Wear it when you practice, or work on your costume, or when you are feeling very empowered. Wear it at the masquerade. Scent memory is a powerful thing. You will be gorgeous.
"... Living only for the moment, turning our full attention to the pleasures of the moon, the snow, the cherry blossoms and the maple leaves; singing songs, drinking wine, diverting ourselves in just floating, floating; ... refusing to be disheartened, like a gourd floating along with the river current: this is what we call the floating world..." Asai Ryoi, c. 1661
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Unread 07-19-2014, 01:19 PM   #6
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I would like to first state "AWESOME job on losing 30lbs." Let me you ask you a question, "is there anybody in this world perfect?"The answer is "no" and you shouldn't try to judge yourself in a perfectionist view. Our society have idolized "Barbie" (which is Hellenistic design emphasizing that one need to take bottom section of your ribs off and be abnormally tall). This ideal is ignorant in nature. Be happy with your body and yourself, it's obvious you done some vast accomplishment and you should be proud of it. Have confidence in yourself and feel confident/sexy in your skin. Because in the end you can only make yourself happy. Well , unless you cook a lot of bacon for your husband in the morning than you can make him happy too lol. Nah just believe in yourself.
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Unread 07-19-2014, 08:12 PM   #7
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Congrats on losing 30 lbs! I'm sure you'll look wonderful in your costumes.
From what I've seen at cons, almost everyone is really nice. Those few people that aren't? Screw them! You've worked hard losing 30 lbs, you've worked hard on your costumes, you've done awesome. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
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Unread 07-22-2014, 05:00 PM   #8
Dictamnus Albus
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still top5 so ill add my 2cents,

first, grats, 30lbs is not easy

second, theres a small difference tween being nervous, or being selfconcious
nerves is a matter of not letting exitment or the thought of embarrasment get to you
selfconciousnes is a matter of "needing to not give a hoot", or finding lucidity in your preformance (live in the moment) (or nerves=reactive, selfconcious=inherent)

lastly, since it wasnt mentioned,
pear shaped can be sexy too,
and while physical appearance may catch one's eye, its how we portray ourselves
that captures ones heart,
though this sentiment is used more as relationship advice, its also true for preformance arts aswell

Last edited by Dictamnus Albus : 07-22-2014 at 05:03 PM.
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Unread 07-22-2014, 06:50 PM   #9
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30 pounds is AMAZING progress, but even if you had only lost 1 pound the kind of dedication you need to constantly work on a fitness plan is admirable.

Honestly, you need to try reminding yourself that you can't please everyone. Imagine the way you would like to look--I can guarantee you that someone will STILL dislike you based on your appearance alone even if you were shaped like a supermodel. This is why relying on other people's opinions of yourself is an unreliable and heartbreaking way to judge your self-worth. You are the only person worth comparing yourself to.

However, I've always thought that people are much kinder than you would expect. The majority of people will either pay you no mind or they'll have positive opinions. The ones who DO judge you probably aren't worth your time, anyway.

Lastly, remember that everyone is human! Everyone is self-conscious about themselves in varying degrees. You are definitely not alone in this. Push through it. If you're not confident, act like it. I can guarantee you that your mind will catch up.

I hope this helps, please don't drop out of the competition. Have an amazing time!


Last edited by SBoo : 07-22-2014 at 06:54 PM.
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Unread 07-22-2014, 07:29 PM   #10
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Thanks so much guys. Reading everyone's responses was really wonderful. I have come a long way and I need to accept that my body might not be where I want it to be yet, but that does not have to hold me back.

This is why I love this community.
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