I'm no crossplay expert, but I do know a bit about cosplaying as a girl, so maybe I can give you some pointers from that point. (: Also, this should probably go in the costume critiques section btw. (;
First the make-up. I don't know this version of Len (Ok at first I thought this was Rin... Is Len crossplaying?) very well, but in general the make-up is very overplayed. Looking at basic images of the Pv he for sure does not have that much make-up! I would say tone down the make-up alot. A good tip is to never put a colored eyeshadow that you want to have show up on your brow bone, try to keep it only on your eyelid. It keeps from making you look like you have no eye sockets. Also the black contrasting with the white will show all of your smudges. My suggestion is to do a light bit of white all over the eyelid (even the eyebrow bone, just very light, so it's more like a shimmer) and then do a smokey eye on your eyelid. I think that would love very nice and make it look more feminine. your eyeliner and mascara looks great. (: I also really LOVE the color that you chose for you lips! It gives a great shine!
Now onto the dress! My first comment is that it just looks a little flat and heavy. I think a petticoat of some kind under the skirt would help immensely. A petticoat would also help give you a more womanly figure which would then make the "corset" look a little better and more like it belongs there. Also the sleeves look waaay too long (unless that's the character design) I would for sure shorten those up quite a bit.
But in general this is a great costume!!! The materials you used look lovely and the sewing looks nice and clean! Great work! (: