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Unread 07-27-2013, 08:53 PM   #1
xXKylerXx
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 21
Skit Opinions

This is a skit I wrote for a convention. Please give me constructive criticism on it. Thank you ^^

SKIT IDEA:

Beginning: Naruto enters from stage right and takes a seat on center stage with a box of tampons in hand.

Naruto: Okay, Sasuke should be here any minute. (pause) Meanwhile, let's see how this works... (opens box of tampons and pulls out a tampon.) Kakashi-sensei said these are for nosebleeds, so... (looks over box.) Ooh, sports protection. (pause) Is ninja-ing a sport? (shrugs.) So you just stick this in your nose, and (moves tampon toward nose.)

(Enter: Sasuke stage left.)

Sasuke: Dobe, what are you doing!? (Walks over to Naruto.) Are those...?

Naruto: (drops tampon) Tampons from Kakashi-sensei! He said to bring them to you when I came to get you.

Sasuke: Get me? I'm not going back, Naruto. (folds arms over chest.) AND TAMPONS ARE FOR WOMEN!

Naruto: I've had my doubts about you ever since you resisted my gaydar-er-Sexy Jutsu. (groans) Ugh, look I get that your clan was killed and all, but anyone can put some clips and a Skillet song in an AMV to make what happened seem like a tragedy. (stands up)

Sasuke: (gapes) MY ENTIRE FAMILY DIED.

Naruto: Yeah, yeah. I'm pretty sure we covered that in like 20 episodes now. (waves hand dismissively.) But, hey, you've still got a brother.

Sasuke: What is wrong with you!? Am I being Punk'd?

Naruto: No, that stuff only happens in filler episodes. Hey, why does everyone act like your clan was so cool just because they have the Sharingan eye jutsu?

Sasuke: It is a unique bloodline trait passed down between members of the Uchiha-

Naruto: (points and laughs) Unique bloodline trait my butt! I saw those contacts on Ebay, too, and in 2 to 6 weeks, I'll have the Sharingan.

Sasuke: (facepalms)

Naruto: Oh, and while I was on the internet, I got on YouTube, and- DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY TUTORIALS THERE ARE FOR YOUR HAIR? How do you get the duckbutt thing in the back, anyway?

Sasuke: (turns and touches back of hair) *to self* Duck butt?

Naruto: The people on those tutorials end up with duck diarrhea instead.

Sasuke: Stay off of the internet, you loser!

Naruto: Why!? (steps closer) Afraid I'll read those FanFiction stories about you? Man, you got around more than an old geezer in a wheelchair on crack! I mean, Suigetsu, Kakashi-sensei, Neji, Pedophile snake dude-

Sasuke: NARUTO, I'M GOING TO FREAKING KILL YOU! (runs at Naruto with kunai knife)

Naruto: Oh no you don't! THE LOG! (shoves hands forward as if he has a log)

Sasuke: (shrieks and cowers)

Naruto: (scratches back of head.) You know, being scared of the log makes it sound like you have daddy issues.

Sasuke: Sh-Shut up! You really think I'd go back to the village with you?

Naruto: (ignores) Hey, I also got you a pregnancy test because you've been moody for like the past 4 story arcs.

Sasuke: How could I even get pregnant!? I'm a guy!

Naruto: I dunno, but those fanfictions had some convincing explanations.

Sasuke: I'm not pregnant! *frustrated* Just leave me alone, loser.

Naruto: (goes up to Sasuke and lifts his chin up to look at him.) Look, Teme, I don't love you despite your flaws; I love you because of them. The Leaf village may not be your home anymore...But I am. You don't have to be an avenger. You can be my everything. (kisses deeply for a few seconds before pulling back.)

Sasuke: (buries face in Naruto's neck.) Just shut up, dobe.

Naruto: (Picks Sasuke up bridlestyle and exits stage right.) IT IS JUST LIKE THE FANFICTIONS!

END
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Unread 08-09-2013, 09:02 AM   #2
Imiko
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 36
I recommend looking in a thread that has previously been created. Called ' Overused Skits?', here in this forum. This'll give you a general idea of what annoys your audience the most, what they would rather see in a skit, how many skits they've seen of memes etc. Taking a look at this will give you at least sort of an idea of what a lot of people might give constructively for this skit. I'm not sayin' its bad, but that thread really DOES have good advice on the matter.

My overall criticism- try not to incorporate random Japanese words in with English. As much as Otaku's like to do that sometimes, it comes up a LOT in Naruto skits. It gets a bit old for those of us who have been around since the first English translation came out in 2003.

Ten years of the same jokes with Naruto in general gets really old, really fast. Try looking for something not a lot of people generally do- find a tiny quirk, look it up on Youtube for skit related material, and if not a lot of it has been seen, roll with it.
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