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Unread 07-31-2013, 02:03 AM   #46
Yazoo_the_Kazoo
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Gender expression and sexuality have nothing to do with each, and gender performance (what crossplay and drag both are) and sexuality have even less to do with each other, so there are generally a lot more heterosexual crossplayers than one might think. It's just because our society is taught to view anything feminine on a man as "gay" and masculine on a woman as "butch," when really those sort of factors have nothing to do with sexuality.

Now, I'm going to be an aberration in this thread since I'm trans, but before I discovered that I was yet another straight crossplayer (FtM). I've always been mislabeled as lesbian though, to my utter frustration. Short hair does not a lesbian make, and now it's even more frustrating, because they're misgendering me when they make that assumption, because you have to be a woman to be a lesbian, and I am not a woman.
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Unread 07-31-2013, 08:55 AM   #47
Kelley
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Yazoo_the_Kazoo View Post
Now, I'm going to be an aberration in this thread since I'm trans
I'm now extra proud of you now for the times you've crossplayed. I've considered it but don't have the something necessary to actually do it.

I don't really talk about being "trans" because it's hard for me to talk about in that I don't have any really good words for it. I don't really identify as male or female, but I'm happy to describe myself as "gay" since it does a decent job of describing any romantic or sexual situation I might be in - from my point of view. And I suppose if I really wanted to sound like I was high as fuck I'd say that no matter the sex of who I'm with the relationship is predicated on the philosophy of a homosexual relationship, of likeness and similarity and that I would define the relationship by what we have in common in terms of sex and gender, not what is different.
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Unread 07-31-2013, 09:24 AM   #48
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I've come to the conclusion that if I ever want to get a girl I'm going to have to get rid of all crossplay items. Girls don't like crossplayers IRL. They only like them if they see them at a convention. I'm probably getting too old for it anyway. So, yeah, I'm straight. No, I don't want to transition. Yes, I do like girls and would like one for me. No, again, I am not gay or trans (I've had to answer this multiple times).
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Unread 07-31-2013, 11:15 AM   #49
Kelley
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I guess that's the easy way out if it's not a big deal to you to give up this particular (part of the) hobby.

There are people in this thread who are straight, cisgender and even married while still participating in this hobby.

There are plenty of girls "irl" who would either think it was awesome or wouldn't care - it's not they "girls IRL don't like it" - that's a sweepingly invalid generalisation. Girls are just like any other people - they all have unique interests and likes and dislikes.

If it's the only reason you think you can't get a girlfriend it seems like a distraction from the real problem - probably that these girls weren't really that into you in the first place, anyway. They probably wanted something - a sense of security and not being alone in the world, but didn't actually care if it was you.

I guess that's why I advocate dating people you'd be friends with anyway, who would actually like you for who you are. Maybe you're also too focused on just "getting" "a girl" instead of focusing on finding a girl you actually like and want to be around and who shares a desire to engage in romantic relations with you.

If it's not a big deal to you, sure drop it. It doesn't really matter - people change hobbies all the time for various reasons. I just think it's a bit silly to think you'll never find a girl that likes you because of it when it's just a hobby that even married straight people engage in.
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Unread 07-31-2013, 11:25 AM   #50
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kelley View Post
I guess that's the easy way out if it's not a big deal to you to give up this particular (part of the) hobby.

There are people in this thread who are straight, cisgender and even married while still participating in this hobby.

There are plenty of girls "irl" who would either think it was awesome or wouldn't care - it's not they "girls IRL don't like it" - that's a sweepingly invalid generalisation. Girls are just like any other people - they all have unique interests and likes and dislikes.

If it's the only reason you think you can't get a girlfriend it seems like a distraction from the real problem - probably that these girls weren't really that into you in the first place, anyway. They probably wanted something - a sense of security and not being alone in the world, but didn't actually care if it was you.

I guess that's why I advocate dating people you'd be friends with anyway, who would actually like you for who you are. Maybe you're also too focused on just "getting" "a girl" instead of focusing on finding a girl you actually like and want to be around and who shares a desire to engage in romantic relations with you.

If it's not a big deal to you, sure drop it. It doesn't really matter - people change hobbies all the time for various reasons. I just think it's a bit silly to think you'll never find a girl that likes you because of it when it's just a hobby that even married straight people engage in.
I take this guys advice and COMPLETELY IGNORE IT.

NEVER EVER DATE FRIENDS BECAUSE THATS ALL WHAT THEY WILL VIEW YOU AS. A FRIEND.

Some people are just meant to be alone and you have to accept that.
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Unread 07-31-2013, 12:13 PM   #51
Kelley
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Unless you know, they want to date you and are in on the idea of viewing you in a romantic manner.

@ChibiDannimon, no offence, but based on other threads I'm not sure that you're in the best position to be giving advice on this kind of thing. I think you need some time to find yourself and that's okay.

But what do I know, I "have" a girlfriend who I think is a great friend, who can I talk to about anything from personal problems to my opinions on the philosophical issues in cheesy TV shows. And who is going to dress up as a sexy man for our couple's costume. And who I respect enough as a person that I feel really fucken weird writing this.

If a person just wants sex, that's easy enough to find - but if you want companionship and someone who actually cares about you as a person, how can you not call them a friend ? If they're not, they're just a band-aid on your loneliness and yes I do think it's sad that some people base their entire lives around not having that band-aid ripped off.
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Unread 07-31-2013, 12:57 PM   #52
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I haven't crossplayed before, but I recently joked that I should dress as Morticia Addams (Anjelica Huston version) for Halloween, and my wife immediately perked up and said, "YES. Yes, you should definitely do that." So I guess it's on.

Completely straight, 37, married for 8 years.

On a semi-related note, she has dressed up as Tom Jones before, but that was for a performance which was absolutely hilarious. I don't know if that would have really counted as crossplay, though.
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Unread 07-31-2013, 01:22 PM   #53
PolyVinylAres
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Originally Posted by ImNewHere View Post
I've come to the conclusion that if I ever want to get a girl I'm going to have to get rid of all crossplay items. Girls don't like crossplayers IRL. They only like them if they see them at a convention.
The last three girls I've dated *loved* my dressing up at cons, and even bought dresses and other outfits they wanted to see me wear as gifts. I do sympathize with your situation and I hope it improves soon, but I think it's more bad luck than a case of girls not liking it.

And I'm with Kelley. I make friends first, and if there's a spark between us, we try more romantic dates. If that doesn't pan out, we still have each other as good friends; and if it does, awesome! Win-win!
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Unread 07-31-2013, 03:13 PM   #54
AimaRose
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I've crossplayed before as Captain Jack Sparrow - it was a ton of fun since I basically had to run around town dressed up as a pirate (I was helping with a massive scavenger hunt for a little boy's birthday) and a lot of people started yelling "Hey, it's Captain Jack!" and asking for pictures. I can mimic voices pretty well, and if I put a lot of effort into the fake facial hair - I've gotten comments from lots of people that I really do look like him, but I also have very feminine features (uh... duh! I'm a girl xD) so a lot of people saw right through the costume and made a point of avoiding me Some people even pulled their kids away from me and refused to let them get a picture with me. I find it hurtful people would 1.) think just that because I'm crossplaying I am homosexual 2.) Even if I was homosexual - that there was something "wrong" with me, like I'm diseased or something.
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Unread 07-31-2013, 07:32 PM   #55
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I only commented that because I've had girls actually come to me and seriously say, "I would date you if you stopped...." and then insert all my otaku hobbies, but especially the crossplay.
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Unread 07-31-2013, 07:35 PM   #56
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I'm a straight cosplayer and crossplayer, though I run into the same issues. Whenever I dress as a male character, people assume I'm a lesbian. =/

I also have lots of crossplaying male friends and it doesn't bother me one bit.

Last edited by IchiBLEACHcake : 07-31-2013 at 07:38 PM.
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Unread 07-31-2013, 07:35 PM   #57
ChibiDannimon
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I only commented that because I've had girls actually come to me and seriously say, "I would date you if you stopped...." and then insert all my otaku hobbies, but especially the crossplay.
Those girls are not girls.
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Unread 07-31-2013, 07:37 PM   #58
PolyVinylAres
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I only commented that because I've had girls actually come to me and seriously say, "I would date you if you stopped...." and then insert all my otaku hobbies, but especially the crossplay.
This is the universe's way of saving you time and heartbreak by alerting you to stay FAR FAR away from these girls. The right partner for anyone takes joy in who they are now, not the imaginary person they'd be if they changed tons of stuff.
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Unread 07-31-2013, 07:39 PM   #59
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Anyone who tells you they would only date you under certain circumstances is not worth your time >:|
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Unread 07-31-2013, 07:48 PM   #60
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ChibiDannimon View Post
I take this guys advice and COMPLETELY IGNORE IT.

NEVER EVER DATE FRIENDS BECAUSE THATS ALL WHAT THEY WILL VIEW YOU AS. A FRIEND.

Some people are just meant to be alone and you have to accept that.
uhhhhh

Actually Kelley has pretty good advice.
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