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Unread 07-30-2013, 10:17 PM   #16
SirWonderusMary
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I actually have to agree with FuntomKitten on this as you seem to think due to cosplaying you'll immediately get friends. Sorry to say this, but like with real life It's not that easy. I don't even get many friends, but It's because I don't like talking to people at conventions too much. Will I make friends that way? Nope! People need to stop thinking that just because we like similar things makes us automatic friends. Like with all friendship it just happens.

My advice to you? Don't whine. Don't say how you don't belong and make people notice you. Go to every public cosplay meet, join the ranks of shows in the conventions, freely go to people in conventions and introduce yourself and make people see you're there. You'll get friends slowly, but in the least it's a start. As for a cosplay group? Becoming friends is the start to a successful group. Random group start ups are more likely to fail, but people who are really great friends who become a group tend to last longer like several groups I've seen in You-tube.

Hope this helps, and you lose this idea that everyone in the community has to care. As harsh as I sound, you got to think of how true it is as none of us know you. All we know is that you're whining about a lack of friends. We all go through with it.
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Unread 07-30-2013, 10:24 PM   #17
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I feel you man. A couple of years ago I found myself alone and very hard to fit into the cosplay/con coward. Like what I've been telling people that I've met these days, it took me two years and a half to even make cosplaying friends because I too had a hard time fitting in or finding the right people. I wasn't the overly top kind of person, so I couldn't fit with the people that stood out too much. But I was too extroverted for the introverts. So it took me two years and a half to even find friends that went to the con and cosplayed. And it wasn't for about almost three years before I actually started doing cosplaying things with them, including my taking pictures of other cosplayers.

Everything I started was slow, but I had patience. And I think patience is really all you need. There will be people who find others faster than you, but don't be too quick or desperate to fit in. Personally I prefer to take it slow and find the right kinds of people that I like that I know I would be happy to hang around with and cosplay with. And now, I'm in officially three cosplay groups, one group only for a certain series for a con, one group that I got added on because we got along together great, and the third group we founded together because we had chemistry the first time we actually went to a con together (they asked me to go with them so I decided 'why not?' and it was the best decision in my life). The third group we knew we would continue to make future cosplay groups together because a lot of our interests were the same and our personality flowed right with each other. And I think that's the best kind of relationship I was looking for. We even just decided our cosplay name.

So take your time. And find what is right for you. It'll be rewarding in the end!!
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Unread 07-30-2013, 10:25 PM   #18
Swordmaster
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SirWonderusMary View Post
I actually have to agree with FuntomKitten on this as you seem to think due to cosplaying you'll immediately get friends. Sorry to say this, but like with real life It's not that easy. I don't even get many friends, but It's because I don't like talking to people at conventions too much. Will I make friends that way? Nope! People need to stop thinking that just because we like similar things makes us automatic friends. Like with all friendship it just happens.

My advice to you? Don't whine. Don't say how you don't belong and make people notice you. Go to every public cosplay meet, join the ranks of shows in the conventions, freely go to people in conventions and introduce yourself and make people see you're there. You'll get friends slowly, but in the least it's a start. As for a cosplay group? Becoming friends is the start to a successful group. Random group start ups are more likely to fail, but people who are really great friends who become a group tend to last longer like several groups I've seen in You-tube.

Hope this helps, and you lose this idea that everyone in the community has to care. As harsh as I sound, you got to think of how true it is as none of us know you. All we know is that you're whining about a lack of friends. We all go through with it.


Dayum, not pulling any punches, eh.

But, yeah, for the most part Mary is right.

Then again... I made some friends at my first con alone. Actually, I think I met them in the skit waiting room for my first con. We were both going to do skits, and we just sorta clicked, between the random straight groping between guys and the socializing. We were all sorta cherry, bouncy, floofeh and hyper. But, yeah, these people are the ones who I ended up doing skits with for the next couple years, among other things.

You just gotta find your crowd. It doesn't have to be big, it just had to be your crowd, if y'get what I mean.
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Unread 07-31-2013, 10:29 AM   #19
ChibiDannimon
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The friends Ive met at Conventions and the few meetups I been too never cosplay as the characters from the series I liked and whatnot.

I been searching for years for my crowd but Im always going to be the lone cosplayer on the outside looking in.

Sometimes I think I should just quit cosplaying, go back to my basement and play video games like I should have been doing between 1989-2011.
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Unread 07-31-2013, 10:41 AM   #20
MirniMausi
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Seriously dude, whining won't get you anywhere. If you have a hard time finding friends, complaining and changing nothing is pretty much useless. Get your butt up and talk to people. I have a hard time finding friends in real life, too, but you can't just always expect others to take the action. There's always two people to it and both need some work for a friendship to grow.

Besides, if you'd like people to come and talk to you, fitting in may be the wrong thing to do. You should rather grab attention- and not by whining but by showing them how awesome and unique you are.
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Unread 07-31-2013, 02:23 PM   #21
FuntomKitten
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Originally Posted by ChibiDannimon View Post
The friends Ive met at Conventions and the few meetups I been too never cosplay as the characters from the series I liked and whatnot.

I been searching for years for my crowd but Im always going to be the lone cosplayer on the outside looking in.

Sometimes I think I should just quit cosplaying, go back to my basement and play video games like I should have been doing between 1989-2011.
So you don't want friends unless they cosplay from the same series? That's a horrible attitude to have. Like others have said, I know how you feel. I didn't make good friends until I had been cosplaying for a year. I met them through the forums here. I lived too far to go to most gatherings with them. But we hung out at cons all the time and enjoyed each others company! It was great. And you know how many times we cosplayed the same series? Once. But that didn't matter, because we had a ball.

Once you make friends, you will make more friends through them. That's how I've come to know so many people and had such a great experience. And someone is going to want to cosplay with you and be a great friend with you. But you have to try. Nobody wants to hang around a whiner. Be patient and be positive. It takes time. But it happens faster if you try hard to find people.

If you want to quit over this, that's your decision. I'm not going to pat your back and tell you no and how wonderful you are because all I know is your attitude through this thread has been bad. I just honestly think you aren't trying as hard as you could. If you want to keep trying, honestly want to make friends, get out there and put all your effort into it! If you want attention and aren't willing to get out of this thread to work to find friends, all you're getting from me is a goodbye.

I know I'm being harsh, but honestly, sometimes I need to be. You just seem very keen on staying here and complaining rather than accepting anyone's advice or even acknowledging it. That isn't going to help you, so maybe a sort of reality check will.
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Unread 07-31-2013, 05:13 PM   #22
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I have learned that the best way to make friends and especially in cosplay is for it to happen spontaneously. In fact the cosplay friends I made at Anime Expo occurred before and after the convention because we were all enjoying the moment at the convention.
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Unread 07-31-2013, 05:45 PM   #23
SirWonderusMary
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Originally Posted by ChibiDannimon View Post
The friends Ive met at Conventions and the few meetups I been too never cosplay as the characters from the series I liked and whatnot.

I been searching for years for my crowd but Im always going to be the lone cosplayer on the outside looking in.

Sometimes I think I should just quit cosplaying, go back to my basement and play video games like I should have been doing between 1989-2011.
That's not really a good reason to quit something you're passionate about. But then again it seems you just want to cosplay in a group. Again, it takes a while to make friends, even longer to make friends into the same series unless you're cosplaying from the same fandom the day you meet. Not everyone likes the same stuff. Hell, I LOVE Shojo manga, but most of my friends are into that mystery/gory stuff. Do I care? Not really. They're still your friends.

But guess what? If you're really good friends with each other, there are times where you can ask if they would want to do a cosplay with you. Like, what I do with my fiance where I want her to cosplay something with me I really enjoy but she has no idea of/doesn't like and in return, the next cosplay we do she'll get to choose what we do. You get your little group together for the day and yeah. There you go.
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Unread 07-31-2013, 06:02 PM   #24
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Seriously dude, whining won't get you anywhere. If you have a hard time finding friends, complaining and changing nothing is pretty much useless. Get your butt up and talk to people. I have a hard time finding friends in real life, too, but you can't just always expect others to take the action. There's always two people to it and both need some work for a friendship to grow.

Besides, if you'd like people to come and talk to you, fitting in may be the wrong thing to do. You should rather grab attention- and not by whining but by showing them how awesome and unique you are.
Small talk is key. By simply complementing someone you could possibly make a friend and/or connection.
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Unread 07-31-2013, 06:04 PM   #25
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The friends Ive met at Conventions and the few meetups I been too never cosplay as the characters from the series I liked and whatnot.
I think you need to broaden your standards a bit. It sounds to me like you are just interested in making friends with people who cosplay from the same series as you... but honestly just because they cosplay from the same series as you or even the same character is not going to guarantee that they will make the best friend for you. For example, I never cosplay from anime, hell I don't even watch anime *gasp* but I still manage to find friends just because I keep myself open to talking to people who have different interests than me. I find that when people have different interests, it's more fun because you can teach each other about those interests. None of the friends I have met through cosplay do costumes from the same movies that I do, we don't even cosplay from the same genre, and yet I never feel alone because I have been able to make friends with people regardless of what series or genre they prefer to cosplay from. Plus if you talk to people cosplaying from outside of your series, chances are they will be very familiar with the series you're cosplaying from and may even be fans of it, but they probably haven't gotten around to cosplaying from it. You just gotta be more open to talking to people from outside of the series' that you cosplay from.

As for the Facebook groups (I see that you were at SoyCon, and I remember seeing you wandering around actually, you should have come and said hi! I would have definitely recognized you from Coscom), the events that are posted in the groups I think are set as public events and you can join them whenever you want. And I am pretty sure the people who are organizing the events aren't excluding you on purpose. I personally don't get invited to any cosplay meetup events out here in the Midwest, but I don't take that as an offense, I just figure that no one really knows me out here so they don't see a need to invite me to events. But I too see pics from cosplay meetups that I probably could have attended and was just never aware of, but I don't let it bother me. I am on my own schedule, if I feel like going to a cosplay meetup, I'll just post in the groups and ask around, see if anyone wants to just meetup for a while and chill.
Anyways, the other events that happen on the same days as yours are not done on purpose, it just happens. People don't always coordinate schedules and there are cosoplayers everywhere organizing events, so it is very likely that another meetup will be happening on the same day that your meetup is organized. You shouldn't take this personally though. This is just a scheduling overlap and this stuff happens all the time. If you organized a downtown Chicago meetup I most certainly would want to attend that, as I mentioned earlier, I have been waiting for a meetup right in downtown Chicago because I can get into Chicago pretty easily and haven't spent nearly enough time in that city. So next summer if you organize meetups, post you meet ups in the Midwest Cosplayers group on FB and you'll probably get more people in attendance.
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Unread 07-31-2013, 07:53 PM   #26
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I think your perimeters of friendship are too narrow. If you're finding making friends difficult adding barriers and selective criteria is not going to help matters.

Finding people interested in cosplay is hard enough (well, people you mesh with and like cosplay, I mean).

Try to be open minded, talk to new people as much as possible, and just relax. I have gone solo to conventions for years now. My sister always went with me but then she got herself a boyfriend -- It was super tough especially because I'm not a teenager. You think making friends is hard..wait until you're in your late 20s. I'm not the greatest at talking to people, I fumble words and get scared of saying dumb things but I pushed myself...and you know what, I have a good amount of con-friends now.
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Unread 07-31-2013, 08:09 PM   #27
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People hang out with people because they find hanging out with those people enjoyable. It's what they can get out of the interaction (all people are like this, even you. You don't like hanging with people you don't like, either, I'm sure) and not some kind of personal affront to you.

I would suggest doing some soul searching and really think about what you have to offer, as a person to hang out with. Are you funny? Are you a great listener? Do you know how to have fun no matter where you are? Once you find your positive traits as somebody who can be hung out with (ie, what you have to offer), think about why you are having trouble communicating this to people you want to hang out with. Think about anything you may do that can be seen as negative. Do you not smile much? Do you get nervous when you talk to people?

It is also okay to realize that you are not showing people why you are great to hang out with...and then you need to work on that. People will hang with people they want to hang with...figure out how to be that person. It's really that simple.

I'm not telling you to be who you're not, but figure out what it is other people might like about you and play to strengths. Social skills are pretty important, and beating yourself up about this stuff (or having weird criteria like "must like same series") is counterproductive.
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Unread 08-01-2013, 01:07 AM   #28
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yeah it's a pretty rotten attitude to only want to hang out and cosplay with people who like the same series' as you. be more open minded. maybe you can cosplay a series you normally wouldn't in exchange for them doing one that you pick?
and just being automatically negative about it will get you nowhere. i'm going to a con with a friend who's just recently started watching anime and tends to like different genres than i do. i asked her if she wanted to cosplay with me from a specific series, she'd never heard of it but said yes and immediately started reading the manga. because she's open to trying something new. if she asked me to do a series she likes in return, i would have said yes.
don't pick your friends based on what series you like or dislike, pick them based on compatability and whether you like them as a person and want to spend time with them. finding friends that like anime at all is fantastic, that's not easy for a lot of people. so maybe don't be so picky?

also, nobody wants to hang out with a downer. just saying. if all you do is mope about stuff like this when you're around people you'd like to become closer with, it's not gonna happen. why would they want to get to know you better and hang out more if you're bringing them down?
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Unread 08-01-2013, 02:03 AM   #29
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Okay, quick question. I assume your going to conventions that have photoshoots or meet ups. Why not go to one on the day your cosplaying? From what it sounds like you're not doing this. (You say the few friends you do have don't cosplay the same thing you do so I assume you're not going to these meetup/shoots.) Like seriously, it's the easiest way to meet people in the same fandom.

I find that very few photoshoots or meetups are private. If you see one floating around on facebook or here why not ask if you can go? I just, I'm getting what's making this so hard for you.

You complain you can't make friend and it seems like no one cares but I don't see you making much effort. (lol maybe I'm being harsh, I just find making friends very easy. And generally their friends become your friends too. It's like a freaking virus.)
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Unread 08-01-2013, 03:45 AM   #30
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I agree with Lemon-Squeezy (plus I love their username haha).

But really, photoshoots and series-specific meetups are the two best places to find people who are cosplaying from the same series you are. Or just go up and talk to people from your series. I saw that you cosplay from Ouran Host Club and I see a fair amount of those cosplayers at conventions, just go up and talk to them. And I took a look at your gallery; it looks like you did go to a Pokemon photoshoot and you were part of a cosplay group (at least for those photos). Also think of it this way... now this may not be a popular opinion but this is just how I see it... I see a great advantage to not being part of a cosplay group. Depending on the group you are part of and how the members like to run the group, I'd say that being in a cosplay group can be stressful. There may be deadlines you'll have to meet, certain cons you have to attend, and specific cosplay standards that you may have to adhere to. I personally see nothing appealing about stuff like that, I am going to cosplay on my own terms, at my own pace, and at the cons that I want to attend. So depending on which cosplay group you join, you may find that it is more trouble than it's worth. Not saying that most cosplay groups are like this, but I have heard of a few that do have rules and restrictions and it's just not something you really want to be bothered with.

Another thing to think about is that you may be letting your cosplays and the characters you choose determine the friends you make. Which isn't always a great thing. Restricting yourself to only making friends with people who cosplay from the same series probably isn't working out too well for you. You shouldn't base who you hang out with on what shows they watch or what series they decide to cosplay from. For example, some fandoms are notoriously known for having people that are snobby and unfriendly, kind of like elitist... are those the kinds of people who you want to be friends with? Probably not. So while they may be from the same series as you, that doesn't mean they will be super friendly and be your best friend right away.
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