Overall, I like the set. I'm not very familiar with the source material, though.
1. With as much effort was put into the costuming and location, the model should have had photo-ready makeup as well. Daily-wear or street-wear makeup is simply not adequate for a photo shoot like this. Like sewing, photography, armorcrafting, or any other skill, it takes practice and training.
2. My personal preference is that attention be drawn primarily to the subject's face, secondarily to the outfit/props, and lastly to everything else. With that in mind, the eye is generally drawn to the brightest spot of the photo, and that's not the face in very many of these. For example, in the second and fourth photo, the skin on the chest is noticeably brighter than the skin on the face.
- This can be corrected on the set with lighting and/or reflectors; or adjusted somewhat in post-processing.
3. In the absence of photo-ready makeup (and usually even to accompany the makeup), a little more face/skin retouching would go a long way in these photos. Specifically in this set, the bags/creases under the model's eyes should be retouched and brightened. Of course, I don't mean that all skin texture should be obliterated, but that major imperfections be gently addressed.
- In Photoshop, you could use the clone or patch tool to sample the skin directly below those creases, and use an opacity of 40-60% to minimize the creases without completely eliminating them.
- Or - this is my preferred method - in Lightroom, you could use a combination of the healing tool (again with 40-60% opacity) and the adjustment brush to minimize the eye bags.