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Unread 09-28-2014, 02:12 PM   #1
SakuraOkami
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Dealing with Hate Campaigns against you

This is going to sound whiny because it is but.
What do you do when you have people starting hate campaigns against you?

Every cosplayer that I personally know, has had people starting hate campaigns against them and I've had three so far. (Ex: People and their personal armies starting petty drama or harassing you to the point of wanting to quit cosplay).

I would just like some advice on getting over things like this because it's really affecting my mental stability. Having thick skin is something that helps, yes, but words still hurt when you have a ton of people you don't know throwing nasty remarks at you and your work and putting you down. It's made me really paranoid about cosplay, and the community because I don't want to step on anyone's toes. I'd rather have peace.. and fun. Yes.

I guess the same goes for Ya Ya Han and them, who get a looooot of hate.

What do?
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Unread 09-28-2014, 02:17 PM   #2
Elycium
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This sounds redundant, but you ignore them. I know that seems counterproductive, because that means they're still out there spreading hate, but here's the thing: If you ignore them, and just go about your business with your friends, the people that the hate-mongers are preaching at are going to eventually see that said person is just trying to start up drama. If you try to start slinging words back and fight, you're only going to prove, in the minds of the drama makers, that they're right.

Your real friends will know the truth, and that's what matters.
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Unread 09-28-2014, 02:20 PM   #3
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I don't want to sound mean...but just from oberserving this and your past forum threads, I get the feeling you are a magnet for unusual unnecessary drama. Believe me if I say this: But that ton of drama is not normal for a cosplayer and I doubt that even the popular cosplayers get that kind of drama.
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Unread 09-28-2014, 02:24 PM   #4
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Don't let jackasses who have nothing better to do than harrass someone about a hobby as innocent as cosplay bitch at you. I'd just ignore them. There's the classic piece of kindergarten student/mom advice that actually works: Ignore them, because they're TRYING to make you mad. If they see that you're not getting aggravated, why keep bothering you?

Every cosplayer has gotten hate at some point, whether it be for how they look or how they made their costume or if they didn't make their costume or the version of it they chose to make or maybe even the character itself -- and that's all at the very top. I don't know if you're referring to non-cosplayers teasing you because you cosplay, or elitists teasing you because you haven't done it "right."

If it's the former -- who gives a damn? You're entitled to your own hobby and if they don't like it, well, it sounds like a personal problem.

If it's the latter -- look around. 95% of cosplayers are not elitists, and the ones that are (like Yaya Han) aren't that popular these days. Sure, picture-wise they are, but no one values their opinions. My local convention had a chance to get Yaya Han and they blatantly said sorry, no, we don't want you, because you'll want to judge our costume contest and we don't want that kind of negativity here.

Are the people bugging you your "friends"? If they are, dump them. I know it sounds impractical to just walk away from your friends (if, in fact, this is the situation) but, back to that kindergarten student/mom advice: Are they really your friends if they can tease you about something like making costumes for fun?

If they're not your friends -- all the more easy to blow them off! Everyone's got an opinion. Sometimes, it's valid. Sometimes, it's even helpful. On the other end of the spectrum, sometimes, it's a real pain in the ass.

Whichever situation it is, don't let it get to you. There are hundreds -- thousands -- of cosplayers in this world. Just find some cosplay buddies -- even online, if you don't know anyone in real life -- and enjoy. it.
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Unread 09-28-2014, 02:38 PM   #5
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Wink

Quote:
Originally Posted by SakuraOkami View Post
This is going to sound whiny because it is but.
What do you do when you have people starting hate campaigns against you?

Every cosplayer that I personally know, has had people starting hate campaigns against them and I've had three so far. (Ex: People and their personal armies starting petty drama or harassing you to the point of wanting to quit cosplay).

I would just like some advice on getting over things like this because it's really affecting my mental stability. Having thick skin is something that helps, yes, but words still hurt when you have a ton of people you don't know throwing nasty remarks at you and your work and putting you down. It's made me really paranoid about cosplay, and the community because I don't want to step on anyone's toes. I'd rather have peace.. and fun. Yes.

I guess the same goes for Ya Ya Han and them, who get a looooot of hate.

What do?
OMG I'm personally sorry that you're going through this Please don't be sacard or paranoid with us cosplayers and the community. Most of us in the cosplay community aren't like this. Yeah, there are occassional buttholes, but that's not the point.

Okay, have you tried flat out ignoring them or has it gotten to the point where it's getting too much for your heart to handle? Usually ignoring them or at least finding a way to delete or their comments are a good comeback. If it's getting too much, then report them on the site and let the mods handle them. Out of curiousity, but do you know what these hate comments are about and what cosplay they're targeting or are they just random and just target you in general? Do you think it's that girl that gave you a hard time the first time? If it's her, then report her so she can get banned.

Here's the thing. The only possible reason of people doing this is either they're bored out of their minds, or they're jealous of really good cosplayers.

In terms of YaYa Han, I think people give her a lot of greif mainly because some people has had different personal interactions with her. Like for example, one person had a great experience meeting her in person and described her as a sweet girl. On the other hand, another person met YaYa Han they described her as a snob and not very nice.

Overall, it's best to report the people doing the hate comments.
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Unread 09-28-2014, 03:12 PM   #6
12WolfZ
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SakuraOkami View Post
I guess the same goes for Ya Ya Han and them, who get a looooot of hate.

What do?
There's nothing we can do about people saying mean things behind our backs. It happens. Sometimes controlling our own tendencies for gossip can help, but usually not.

I can't really give you sound advice on what to do. How we handle our stressors is very specific to us and the situations we face.

It's hard to convey the full picture of circumstance with complete context via the written word. Often times we have yet to fully grasp or examine what is happening, ourselves. Thus, the story we convey is limited and any subsequent offerings of advisory will be further capped by the inherent communication gaps and misinterpretation.

Others can really only reiterate their own experience, and while that has anecdotal value, it will only take us so far. Even it they offer temporary peace through sympathy and the relay of shared struggle, the only peace that lasts is that which comes from personal experience and development.

This might be a tough quest you have on your hands. The answer pertaining to how you can effectively tackle these complex emotions will come from you, within you, and not seriously from an external source.

All I can really think to say is that based on what you have described, there are most likely have two choices: Give up cosplay, or don't give up cosplay. Neither is a wrong answer. People live without cosplay, and people live with it. The choice is yours. If you decide to live with cosplay; stay with it, but except that for RIGHT NOW, it's kinda hard. Have hope that it will get better. Persist because the love is there.

If you decide to give it up, maybe it just wasn't meant to be. Sometimes separation is healthy. Cosplay will still probably be here in a few years, and you need to do what is right for your mental health. Move on, leave grudges at the exit...possibly re-examine some friendships..?

I merely invite you to consider these thoughts.

J

Last edited by 12WolfZ : 09-29-2014 at 03:57 AM.
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Unread 09-28-2014, 05:31 PM   #7
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OP, I watched this video a couple weeks ago. It's a good reminder to ignore the critics, both internal and external, in this hobby. If you have five and a half minutes, please watch it. MangoSirene speaks many words of wisdom.
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Unread 09-28-2014, 09:37 PM   #8
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I've had hate campaigns against me as well, (and by that I mean some threads of Hong Kong forums) I know what you're feeling I guess is what I'm trying to say, and... honestly it really made me want to give up cosplay to be honest. I was really hurt, and felt like I didn't have what it took to do it.

I won't go into the messy details, but it passed. People stopped talking about me, and the thread eventually got buried. I mean this would probably happen in your case as well, people are mean, and there's no going around that. But people also are quick to find another 'target'....

But in any case, I wish you the best of luck with this situation, there's not much I can do, but if you ever need the ear of a stranger, please do not hesitate to talk to me~~ C:
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Unread 09-29-2014, 08:57 AM   #9
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Sigh.

The only way to deal with haters is to ignore them. I know it's frustrating and seems difficult sometimes, but it's really the sensible way. Retaliating in any way just encourages them to continue. Indifference is worse than hate, and is always the higher ground in that situation.

Cosplay makes people stand out, either for good or for bad reasons. There are people in this world who don't like things that stand out. Who knows why. Maybe they're mad that they don't have the attention, or they're afraid of anything different, or maybe they had a horrible life and trying to spread it. As long as you're standing out people are going to say nasty things about it. Just let it roll off your back.

But the fact you're even on their mind could possibly be seen as a good thing I guess? I mean you know what they say about haters.. (haters = having anger towards everyone reaching success) Haha, don't hate me for that. I think I read it in the window of some little kid's store. But still, I think it applies.

tldr; Who cares? They mean nothing to you in the end.
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Unread 09-29-2014, 01:56 PM   #10
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I haven't personally dealt with a hate campaign but I know people who deal with a lot of cosplay-drama. They are the type of people who put themselves out there and with the good attention, so comes the bad. It is very unfortunate.

I wouldn't say "ignore it" as much as "hold your head up high, despite it" If you handle yourself with grace and a positive attitude, the majourity of people will see your true colours; and, no "hate" campaign can outshine that.
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Unread 09-29-2014, 02:31 PM   #11
builder396
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I agree with that.

My personal tactic in dealing with haters (although I didnt have any specific cosplay hate yet) is to turn their insults into a game for me, shift into a level that isnt serious, more like a friendly banter, and the insults thrown under such circumstances dont hurt me then. And my response reflects that I treat them on this level and not on the level they try to hate me on, and it really frustrates them if they go through all the effort of insulting me and hating me and I dont even take them seriously. And I intentionally give off an arrogant image during that, a bit like the Doctor sometimes (from Doctor Who), sometimes treating humans in a weird way, very often telling them to shut up, because he needs to think, without actually trying to be insulting though, the Doctor just has a genuine reason that requires that human to be quiet for a bit. Im not telling my haters to shut up (unless it fits the context), but i treat them the same way, like something unimportant that I dont have the time to care about myself.
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Unread 09-29-2014, 08:18 PM   #12
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Define for me a "hate campaign." Is this a case of named people publicly harassing you? Anon asks on tumblr? What IS it?

If it's internet harassment, you deal with it the way anybody deals with internet harassment for any reason: use the sites' block, ignore, and report channels. You stop looking at the sites where people do this kind of bullshit. If names are attached, report them. If it's anonymous people, disable the ability for anonymous comments to be made toward you.

For those of us not in school anymore, it's hard to really sympathize even if we might have all been harassed and bullied when we were teenagers. It was a long time ago. As an adult, surrounded by adults who know how to comport themselves as adults even on the internet, it's hard to sympathize and easy to just whip out "ignore it." But we didn't get to be adults who know how to handle themselves like adults by having meltdowns every time somebody mocked a photo of us on the internet. It does take work to mature to a point where petty "mean girls" doing mean things to each other no longer affects you, but it can and does happen. You can start by not stooping to that level and simply behaving like a well-adjusted person.
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Unread 09-29-2014, 08:43 PM   #13
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^ All of this.

Cap is 100% correct: Ignore/block/etc. is the best way to "deal" if you want a mature, well-thought out approach. Retaliating or showing any sign that it bothered you is going to encourage the person/people stirring up drama. Surround yourself with good people and let everything else go. Not worth the time or energy nor losing sleep over it.
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Unread 09-29-2014, 09:08 PM   #14
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I have an ex best friend that has recently been getting at me with ridiculous crap and accusations that I was "mocking her" with a forgotten photo in my devaintart gallery of us fighting in Mortal Kombat costumes. Block block block and ignore. Don't give the satisfaction of a returned argument. Be the bigger person and let them rant to themselves.
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Unread 09-30-2014, 11:23 AM   #15
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If people are harassing you in person, you call security or the police.

If people are harassing you online, you block them and flag their messages, depending on what service you're on.

People do not have "personal armies". I have no idea what you mean by that. More than likely it's one person wasting their time with a couple sock puppets.
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