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Unread 09-28-2015, 12:43 AM   #1
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Join Date: Dec 2011
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Serious Cosplay Dilemma

(This isn't a rant so much as I am looking for advice)

This is long overdue for, but I just need to get this off my chest. Right now I don't even know if I want to cosplay anymore. I've been cosplaying for 4 years now, and my experience has barely changed if at all. I just can't seem to find friends who also cosplay. I have always had a lot of difficulty talking to new people. I'm not going to lie, I am slightly autistic, so it makes talking to people all the much harder. I feel myself being too intimidated to talk to other cosplayers. The few times I have tried either I was never messaged back or just nothing happened. Whenever I see other people having fun in cosplay and stuff, it makes me envious and even a bit angry that I can't enjoy as much as them. I'm not sure what to do, or even if I want to do it anymore. Don't get me wrong, I love cosplay. I really, really want to enjoy it, but I just can't seem to. I dunno if its even worth it. I'm just looking for peoples two cents on this.
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Unread 09-28-2015, 02:09 AM   #2
Shugo the Fox
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I've been cosplaying for nearly a decade now, and I think I've only cosplayed with friends a handful of times. Most of the time I'm with friends who don't cosplay or I'm on my own. I also find it hard to make friends with other cosplayers, but that's all on me. I'm very very VERY picky with choosing friends, I especially hate people who lack any kind of self-control. I'm all for people doing what they love and having fun with it, but there is a line I draw between being entertaining and being annoying. That being said, I've manage to meet some people along the way that I spent a con or two with, then they sort of just fade away. I agree that it's nice to see groups of friends cosplay together and enjoying it, but I've felt like enjoying a convention and cosplaying is something that I should be able to do on my own. I feel that conventions aren't the place for making new friends, because most of the time they end up living very far away from where you do, and that makes it difficult to get together after the convention. I feel like the best way to have a group of cosplaying friends is to just keep making friends in your area with similar interests to you, and then seeing if any of them cosplay, or have an interest in cosplay. Recently, I made some friends through an Improv class at school, and it turned out he and his friends cosplay. But because they live closeby, we're able to hang out, watch movies, play games, etc., and strengthen our bond as friends through more than just cosplay. Then when a con comes around, we have more fun when we cosplay together. My friend and I were Professor Oak and Professor Elm for AX this year, and it was a blast. Not just because we were a cosplay duo, but also because we were friends who not one year ago were total strangers.

In conclusion, my bit of advice is to focus on making friends in your area based on your interests and work from there. It's difficult to maintain a long-distance friendship between cosplayers when you don't see each other for months. Not impossible, but definitely difficult.

Hope that helps.

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Unread 09-28-2015, 05:58 AM   #3
Yes, I AM an Albino
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I've met a lot of Cosplay friends, but it's a bit easier when you're in your 20-30's. The group splits in half between Cosplayers who are pretty serious- either really amazing crafters/ people who buy who also do Cosplay for charities and such... And immature jerks who don't understand that they can enjoy childish things but still need to grow the heck up in their personal life. The split is a lot easier to see than in teens and twentyspmethings who still live under their parents roof or with their dollar.

That being said, if you ever see me at a con, please please stop and say hi. I don't bite I promise!
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Unread 09-28-2015, 07:45 AM   #4
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: puts on mom hat:

I, too, suck at making friends, always have, I suspect I always will. I have accepted the fact that I will never have a large, very social group of friends, and focus on being a really good friend to the few I have.

Ok, lets break down this statement and look deeper and maybe we can find a solution.
I love cosplay. I really, really want to enjoy it, but I just can't seem to.
What do you love about cosplay? the making? the wearing? being recognized as X character? all of the above? Does it just feel like 'your people'?
Is there a specific thing you want that isn't happening with the cosplay itself or were you just thinking it would be an area that you could connect with people? Is geography playing into that connection issue?

I understand, I REALLY do. I tried to find my niche in the theater, tried to find it in art, tried to find it in the mommy groups. I have joined clubs, volunteered at schools and churches, been a scout, been a scout leader, PTA and homeroom mom and more in an effort to connect with people. Yes, well into adulthood I still struggle with this. I go to Knit Night occasionally, I'm always welcome when I'm there, but no one calls me to say they missed me if I don't go. It still feels good to go. I go because I genuinely enjoy knitting, and there is always pie, and at least one person will talk with me. Just keep at it. You never know where you will finally meet that one person who really does get you, likes being around you and wants to hang out with you all the time.
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Unread 09-29-2015, 06:04 AM   #5
Otaku Gunso
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First off "slightly autistic" isn't a thing. You either are or you aren't and if you are you need to own it like the rest of us. Secondly its hard to find people that are into cosplay outside of conventions especially when you're older then 18. I've been cosplaying for 9 years and I still don't have cosplay friends. Its been so long that I've long gotten used to it. Then again I just go to the conventions, get with people in a photoshoot, chat a little, disperse and then move on till next time. Sometimes that's all you can really do but then again I guess its possible to meet "cosplay friends" but most people nowadays are really not receptive so good luck I guess.

Also you should cosplay for yourself not for other people. If you truly enjoy it for yourself then this should only be a minor detail and not something major that you would literally quiet cosplay over.
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Unread 09-30-2015, 02:38 PM   #6
I've got too much fabric!
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If having friends who cosplay is going to make or break your experience with cosplay, it's probably not worth it to drop hundreds on cosplay and hotel and con costs if you just aren't going to enjoy it alone. It's possible cosplay just may not be the particular hobby for you, either at this time or in general, which isn't a bad thing. If you enjoy the creative aspect, keep sewing or making things but forgo the social con scene.

If you do really enjoy cosplay itself and want to keep going to conventions and such, you'll have to pretty much ignore people who do have weirdly large friend groups and cosplay together. Just do it for you, enjoy it for you.

Another thing is large conventions, and to an extent medium ones, are not at all places to make friends, that's just something that never seems to work. If you can hit smaller conventions in your area, do it. It's a lot more personal, and theres more chance you can talk to people and possibly make friends.
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Unread 09-30-2015, 04:59 PM   #7
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After you hit a certain age making friends isn't a walk in the park anymore...basically once you're out of school. Most of the time is has nothing to do to personally with "you" as a person...just the way it is.

I have very few friends in the cosplay community and all of them don't live close enough to me to plan cosplay together or work on stuff as a group.

Being a lone cosplayer can suck..but not the end of the world. I will continue to cosplay regardless. I hope you do too.
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Unread Yesterday, 11:05 AM   #8
Busy Usurping Thrones
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Don't give up if you really love cosplaying. I have a few friends who cosplay but we rarely at all cosplay from the same series and majority of the time they don't live in the same city. Heck I have two other sisters who cosplay but we never cosplay from the same series, except this year that we agreed to LOZ. When you attend a con there is more than likely a group page, and its always worth a shot to be part of a group there! Its hard making friends even though the community is usually friendly, but that shouldn't stop you from cosplaying. Love the character and show him/her off, don't worry about anyone else
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